FR Soo, my own friend cockblocked me. Any advice on the situation?

[Bboy100]

Hi guys, my apologies for the bad writing skills. I didn't really proof read this very much. lol

This weekend, I was at one of my close female friend's 21st bday party. I know most everyone there. Usually, there aren't any even remotely attractive women there, so I wasn't too thrilled. In any case, they're still some cool people, so I decided I'd forget picking up girls for the night and just go out and have some fun.

When I got there, I was pleasantly surprised. There was a girl there who I hadn't seen before. She was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I would not have been one bit surprised so see her in a fitness magazine. What's more is that I could tell her beauty was natural. It wasn't the makeup/clothes or anything like that. At any rate, when I first saw her, she was in the middle of a BP game, so I didn't really have any good way of approaching her. Also, I figured being that I know a lot of the people there, it'd be better to build some social proof/preselection first.

After they finished their BP game, they (the girl and my female friend) happened to walk by. I teased my friend a little about how disappointed in her I am that she lost the game, and that I expect only wins- I didn't spend two years teaching her everything she knows about BP to lose at her own house. All this said with a sly smile on my face and a warm tone of voice. They both laughed. The girl of interest said "I played even worse" to which I replied "of course you did, I taught [name of my friend] everything she knows! She should be better than everyone else here! [None of this is true...I don't even play BP. Which is why this is funny]

At one point, I was in the kitchen, my girl of interest was there, with two guys and another girl in between us. So rather than approaching, I chatted up the girl next to me. Let us call her Sarah.

I don't really remember the conversation, but I remember that I teased her/busted on her a lot, deep dove her a bit, and started chase framing towards the end. I probably could have closed with this her, but she wasn't too attractive, so I decided it wasn't worth it. Still though, she was showing lots of signals of interest, and like I said, my girl of interest (the one I saw playing bp with my friend) had seen all this and clearly taken notice.

At this point, I was ready to approach her. After a while,Sarah and I sat down at a table. Also, my girl of interest later joined us. Eventually a different guy came and started talking to Sarah. So at this point, it was Sarah talking to some other random guy, and the girl of interest sitting at the table with me neither of us talking to anyone. Her body launguage was clearly pointing towards me. So I feel she was properly primed. So I introduced myself:

Me: Hi, my name's bboy
Her: My name's Liv
Me...Just as I was starting to talk to her, my dumbass friend cockblockes me.
My Friend: Hey, wanna come play rage-cage
Her: Sure.

We go play rage cage. Nothing of significance really happens. She wasn't next to me, so I didn't really interact with her.

At any rate, at one point, I saw my my female friend (the one who was playing bp with her at the start) talking to her. So I take this as an opportunity to reopen. I walk up and bust on my friend, I forget what I said. Not really important. It was just an excuse for me to get close enough to talk to Liv again. My friennd left. So it was just me and Liv. I don't remember the whole conversation, and it would be too long to type up anyways (it was anywhere between 20-60 mins, I couldn't tell how much time passed. lol) But here's the gist of it:

1. I busted on/teased her a lot. She seemed to have a positive reception, she laughed at all my jokes and was engaged in the conversation the whole time.
2. I found out she doesn't usually party, she hates getting attention for her beauty, she's from Alaska, she wants become a marine biologist, she only knows one person here (my female friend she was originally playing bp with), she's a very chill, low energy type of person, She's deathly afraid of bears because of an accident she had when she was a kid.
3. I got a lot of complience from her. I forced her to lean in by putting my hand next to my ear to indicate I can't hear her when the music was loud. I opened a beer for her, which she promptly started drinking (even though she said she didn't want to drink earlier).
4. I touched her pretty often and she touched me back.
5. That same friend of mine who asked us to play rage cage comes in and starts talking to her...completely out of nowhere. It was kind of annoying cause Liv broke circle with me to talk to him. For a few minutes, he mostly talked to her, with a few comments from me here and there. Liv didn't really seem at all interested in him and he couldn't get past small talk, so he left. After this, Liv & I continued talking.
6. At one point in the conversation, she asked me to drive her home when I'm leaving cause she doesn't have a ride. I said I'll do it. [I thought this was her way of telling me its time to move things forward]

At any rate, at one point, I started to feel like the conversation had dragged on too long. I would have asked her if she wanted to go right then and there, but the problem is, I was also driving my friend (the one who cockblocked me) home. So I ended the conversation. For the next 20 minutes or so, I ended up talking to some other people at the party. Also, I talked to my friend and told him what's going on. He said it'd be ok if I left him there. At one point, I go back to Liv, she was talking to some other dude and the girl she was playing BP with. I broke their circle (perhaps a mistake):

Me: Hey, are you ready to leave? Or do you wanna stay longer?
Her: I'm ok with either
Me: Ok, let's go.
Her: What about your friend? [This was unexpected. I didn't know she knew he was riding with me]
Me: He said he wants to stay here for a while longer, I can just come pick him up later. [NO FUCKING CLUE WHY I SAID THIS! I should have just said that he wants to stay the night here]
Her: Let's just wait for him
Me: Ok

I went out talked to some of my other friends for a while. Finally, we decide to leave. So its me, my cockblocker friend and Liv.

Throughout most the car ride, my friend shit-talked my driving skills and told Liv stories about how I'm a bad driver. etc. I'm 100% sure he isn't trying to tool me. He didn't say this in a hateful/trying to tear me down way. I guess he just thought those would be cool stories to tell Liv. Honestly, I think he just doesn't know wtf he's doing/he's drunk. Also, he was kinda trying to pick her up too, even though he had specifically told me earlier (between the time I ended my longer conversation with her and the time we left) that he knew I had her and that he wasn't trynna go after her. So I have no idea what he was doing. If he was sober, this would be the end of our friendship. But being that he was drunk, and he had never done this before, I've decided I'm gonna have a serious chat with him about this and see where it goes from there.

Anyways, as it turns out, her place is the first stop. I had no plans for how to close her at this point, so I had kinda given up on it. Right as she was leaving, my friend said: By the way, I don't have your phone #. Or something of the sort.
She said: You guys should just add me on FB.

When I got home, I looked at the situation objectively. She had no interest in my friend. I could tell she was a pretty conservative girl, despite this, she still showed a few signals of interest. Also, she still talked to me for at least 20 minutes, probably longer. So she at least enjoyed talking to me. And I have permission to add her on fb, so it wouldn't be weird.

So, the next day, I added her on fb. She accepted. Two hours later, I sent her this message:
"Hey whatsup Liv! It was good to meet you last night. You were very pleasant to talk to. I'd love to hangout with you again. Would you be down to go out for coffee?

It's been three days since. I've gotten no reply.

What do you guys think? Should I next her? Send her another message? We also have that mutual female friend I was talking about at the start. Anyone have ideas on how to gain some leverage using her? Help would be much appreciated!

 

[ray_zorse]

I think the problem is basically you (1) didn't have enough balls to handle the cockblocker and (2) didn't have enough balls to ask her out and get her number for later, so she lost attraction. Bummer dude. But next time, take better control of situations. There's no set way to do this (I'm not quite sure how I would've handled this, maybe stomped on her suggestion "let's just wait here" a bit, dunno?)... but tread on toes. Or if that fails then at least ask her on a date and get her digits, so it looks like you at least have some sort of plan. Your friend would have a better chance of getting a date with her, cos he at least asked for her #.
Ray

 

[Bboy100]

In hindsight yeah, I shouldve probably gotten her number at some point. But I thought she and I were leaving alone. So I figured it was unnecessary. After she said she wanted to wait for my friend, I basically gave up on the situation because my entire plan/process was to take her home alone. Wouldn't asking for her phone number right after she says no to leaving alone with me might seem a little bit too reactionary?

Maybe I shouldve been the one to ask her for it instead of my friend during the car ride home, but I had just gotten puked on (completely different part of the party) and my plan hadn't gone the way I thought it would. So at the time, I was pretty much beat. lol. I wasn't even thinking about how to close anymore.

As for taking control of the situation/cockblocker, Yeah, you're right. I did do a poor job of that. But in this case, I don't think it was "lack of balls" so to speak. I feel like I just didn't have the knowledge/knowhow. In general, I don't have much experience with cockblockers so far. And this is the first time he/she was my friend. lol.

 

[ray_zorse]

Even if you're only planning on banging her on the night and not otherwise interested, it's good to get the digits early on, it registers interest and shows you're an experienced seducer (having the balls to ask, plus anticipating unexpected cockblocks), thus adding both attainability and value. As a rough guide (I'm still getting my process nailed down so ddon't take this as absolute) at the first high point try to move her or dance with (get physical with/grind on) her, at the second high point say "let's exchange numbers in case we get separated later on"... this is especially good in the beginning of the night cos you or she can go back to your/her friends, socialize, go to nearby clubs, hit on other women/guys etc, and still hook up at closing time, or failing that, you can hit her up during the week, avoiding cockblocks altogether. Having her number is very powerful and discreet.
Ray

 

[Bboy100]

However, nearing the end of your conversation you had a great mix of things going for you. Good attraction + good connection. You let it die down a bit, THEN you left her. This is bad. You didn't leave her on your highest note.

I guess I shouldve included this but actually, I left at a relatively high note. The convo didn't die down. But a few other people came in to say something/start talking to her...again, she broke circle. Never throughout did I acknowledge anyone before she did. Even with my friend, she acknowledged him before I did. At any rate, I used this as an opportunity to disappear. Specifically in hopes of not appearing needy.

Heres the thing, you are at a party in a fun high energy situation. Theres not a great way to escalate at a party if you don't have a room, but theres always outside. So you needed to be amping and pumping more fun into the interaction. Parties are typically not good places to build connection, but they can be excellent places to amp up sexual attraction.

This is actually a big sticking point for me. I often go to huge parties where I know next to no one. So normally, I don't even have the preselection/social proof going for me. And its almost like the girls there have adhd. I'll talk to them for like, two seconds than they disappear. So thank you and Ray for showing me that process. I guess the whole point of parties is just to be loud/high energy and keep her moving the whole time?

At any rate, this was a little different. For some reason, she and I were alone or almost alone in that room the entire time. Like, everyone was off doing something else. Maybe there was another group of people at the opposite corner of the room from time to time. But honestly, it was a surprisingly intimate environment for a party. So I was able to build a connection pretty effectively.

At this point, I think you should have agreed to take her home

Actually, I had already agreed to take her home a while back. I would have asked her to leave with me like a minute or two after she asked but unfortunetely, I also had to drive my friend home, and I hadn't really talked it over with him. Plus, I think he mightve told her we're driving together while we were playing rage cage. Cause like I said, somehow she knew I was with him without me even telling her. Regardless, your point stands. I probably should've moved her at some point.

just gotten louder and excluded him from the convo and gotten her attention on you, that would have boosted her attraction, instead you let him do that to you

Good to know. I actually thought that if I did this it would have the opposite effect. If we were both just there yelling over each other, I figured she would just think we're both horn dogs and leave. Instead, I opted to let him strike out (as he inevitably will and did) and just continue the conversation. I guess this is the wrong approach?

Add me on FB is a polite way for her to say no I don't want your number.

Yeah, I kinda knew this. I was just using FB as one last Hail Mary. I hadn't seen her at that house all year, so I figure she probably won't be there again. And she said she doesn't normally go to parties to begin with. She said only came because our mutual friend specifically asked her to.

You showed way too much eagerness, in both adding her and with your message. You probably should have waited a few days to add her, if at all, and never have messaged her.

I definitely considered this. I figured I would be judged based on the way I've behaved with her overall (mostly positive) not based on one bad move. Conversely, emotions & memories very quickly fade. If I waited to take action of any type, I feel like I would at best be starting at ground 0. At worse, attraction would expire. So that was kind of my logic there.

Tbh, I have an issue with this in general. I always think that if I wait any period of time at all to get into contact with a girl, she'll either auto-reject or attraction will expire. I'm not really sure how to find the right balance.

I've made a deal with myself that I'll never try to get girls back. So yeah, unless she randomly happens to be at that house at a party again, I'll just NEXT her and that will be that.

 

[Slippin' Jimmy]

Hey bro. Been there many times before. Having a read of your post, I wouldn't say you lacked the balls to take action; it can be hard to deal with these situations in a socially calibrated and smooth way if you haven't dealt with em before. Case in point when your knob jockey friend started talking to the girl, you could've tapped her on the shoulder and invited her to join you when she was finished talking to that douche. But she was a conservative shy type she may never have gone for this.

As you're aware, the biggest mistake was agreeing to wait for your friend. Looked like she was calling the shots at this stage. If you lead the way here it really would've ramped up attraction.

Even more disappointing was your friend then drunkenly ripping on you in YOUR car, like this BS was gonna get him laid.

 

[Lotus]

2. I found out she doesn't usually party, she hates getting attention for her beauty, she's from Alaska, she wants become a marine biologist, she only knows one person here (my female friend she was originally playing bp with), she's a very chill, low energy type of person

She was a high quality girl used to being chased so you had to be on point and lead. Taking a backseat throughout and not leading may have been enough to do it, it probably put you into the catergory of every other guy.

I'm betting she gives out facebook info often to guys who ask for her number and don't meet her quality.