- Joined
- Oct 9, 2012
- Messages
- 5,952
I hadn't much thought about this consciously before noting it in this post (also in "Observations"), but in most situations, the person doing the speaking is opening him or herself up for approval, while the listener remains in the "judging" position.
I've been aware of this for a number of years - every time I find myself talking too much, I quietly smack myself in the head and say, "Gah, she's nodding her head and passing judgment on what I'm saying - I need to get her talking again and flip the dynamic back before I look tryhard." But never thought about it completely consciously before.
This is one of the reasons why I generally recommend getting her speaking as much as possible, while you reserve your speech to short snippets, and mainly focused on feeding her back what she's already said to you (so there's nothing to pass judgment on there). When you do a lot of talking or storytelling, you are saying, "Judge me and approve of me!" (which relinquishes a whole lot of the power of the interaction over to her).
A large part of maintaining power and mystery in conversation seems to revolve around finding ways to remain in the position of the one passing judgment on the conversation of the other, while keeping the other person in the "speaking and seeking your approval" role.
Chase
I've been aware of this for a number of years - every time I find myself talking too much, I quietly smack myself in the head and say, "Gah, she's nodding her head and passing judgment on what I'm saying - I need to get her talking again and flip the dynamic back before I look tryhard." But never thought about it completely consciously before.
This is one of the reasons why I generally recommend getting her speaking as much as possible, while you reserve your speech to short snippets, and mainly focused on feeding her back what she's already said to you (so there's nothing to pass judgment on there). When you do a lot of talking or storytelling, you are saying, "Judge me and approve of me!" (which relinquishes a whole lot of the power of the interaction over to her).
A large part of maintaining power and mystery in conversation seems to revolve around finding ways to remain in the position of the one passing judgment on the conversation of the other, while keeping the other person in the "speaking and seeking your approval" role.
Chase
