Spin-off: The Trouble with Relationships in 2014

[IrishConrad]

Gentleman,

A recent post by Colt Williams on the site sight got me thinking about dating today, closing, and dating high quality women. I'll start by saying that this was a refreshing reminder that today, even the experts..ie Chase+ Crew that post these great articles go through the same frustrations. Maybe even ten fold because they are always approaching and do not fear being rejected. Here are the highlights i took from Colts post that I would like to elaborate on and know that you're not alone if you are out there approaching and having frustrations.

From: https://www.girlschase.com/content/thing ... nal-affair

A topic that I like to think about fairly often is the nature of relationships in 2014 and in the years to come in America/the West. As women continue to have more and more and more sexual options and sources of validation, it’ll become increasingly difficult to lock down any one particular girl who is not either traditional or shies away from internet/technology over-use.

When I look at all of the guys around me, particularly the ones younger than I am – and not even that much younger, I’m just talking a couple of years – I’m starting to see that fewer and fewer of them are being able to say that they are in a relationship with a girl. Even if they are consistently hooking up with her and have some suspicion of exclusivity, they still have an underlying acknowledgement that she could sleep with someone else.

Furthermore, it seems that traditional dating is dying away in the younger generation. People are looking toward technology to facilitate their interactions, and girls are less shy about using guys for a simple hook-up rather than getting to know them.

emotional affairThis has impacted many areas in the relations between men and women, but I think that the biggest and most troubling area that has been impacted is women’s level of courtesy toward men.

This has impacted many areas in the relations between men and women, but I think that the biggest and most troubling area that has been impacted is women’s level of courtesy toward men.

What I mean by that is there used to be some basic actions that girls took out of a sense of responsibility toward guys. And even these basic actions are starting to become a thing of the past. Some examples are:

Girls used to answer phone calls, or at least call you back when you gave them a ring. Nowadays, the best you’ll get is a text with something to the effect of “You called earlier?”

Girls used to respond to texts in less than six hours. If it’s on with a girl and you’ve built up pretty good rapport, then she’ll usually respond in the half hour to two hour window. But if a girl is anything less than fully interested, you won’t hear from her for at least six hours. Sometimes more. And sometimes you won’t even hear from her for days.

Girls used to show up. Don’t get me wrong, flaking has always been a problem with this female generation. But what used to be an annoyance and sporadic occurrence is turning into a full-fledged epidemic. Nowadays if you make plans with a girl, you have to double or triple confirm with her. And even then, there’s still a 60% chance that she’ll change her mind or get distracted by a friend or a different guy.

Nowadays I have to double book girls for dates. And sometimes, even that isn’t enough and they’ll both flake! And the thing about flaking is it doesn’t matter how good you get with girls, it’s never going to stop happening. You can definitely reduce its frequency, and you can most certainly reduce how affected you are by it, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to go away any time soon. In fact, I’d argue that just the opposite is true.

And last but certainly not least…
Girls used to actually break up with guys.

I've noticed that the more I approach women, the less I care if she flakes, acts rude or stuck up, or had a general lack of respect. It seems to be common ground these days and something every guy deals with no matter what stage he is at in his self-development, pick up, and dating life.

Am I wrong in thinking that the more you approach, the more you deal with dating culture in the state that it is in? And that does not give you good reason to shy away from it. Learn, grow, evolve and be a badass interesting dude...and even then you will deal with the shitty that goes along with dating women.

thoughts?

 

[Franco]

IC,

Am I wrong in thinking that the more you approach, the more you deal with dating culture in the state that it is in?

Can you clarify what your question is in this thread?

As for a brief, general answer: this is just the way dating culture is whether you decide to approach women or not. You can either accept the culture, maximize your results from understanding it, and sleep with a handful of women (with the occasional relationship should things swing that way), or you can not accept it, become frustrated with it, and possibly never sleep with a woman again.

For me, 150% effort is worth the 10-20% of results vs. putting in 0% effort and getting 0% results.

Also, as you get better, what started as 150% effort eventually becomes less and less. There's a HUGE up-front cost to learning seduction because results do not come immediately. But once you start getting results, they begin to become much more consistent, thus making the up-front cost seem absolutely justifiable.

- Franco

 

[IrishConrad]

IC,

Am I wrong in thinking that the more you approach, the more you deal with dating culture in the state that it is in?

Can you clarify what your question is in this thread?

As for a brief, general answer: this is just the way dating culture is whether you decide to approach women or not. You can either accept the culture, maximize your results from understanding it, and sleep with a handful of women (with the occasional relationship should things swing that way), or you can not accept it, become frustrated with it, and possibly never sleep with a woman again.

For me, 150% effort is worth the 10-20% of results vs. putting in 0% effort and getting 0% results.

Also, as you get better, what started as 150% effort eventually becomes less and less. There's a HUGE up-front cost to learning seduction because results do not come immediately. But once you start getting results, they begin to become much more consistent, thus making the up-front cost seem absolutely justifiable.

- Franco

Franco-

Thanks for the reply. You answered my question directly in how the stats align with your effort and results out there.

For me, 150% effort is worth the 10-20% or results

My question or point that I was trying to get some clarification on is that in today's dating culture, even then best of the best do not see 100% returns on their effort. I understand that as you get better your numbers go up, but I wanted to be clear that everyone in fact struggles to some degree.

If you're maxing out at 150% at life and dating women then anything upwards of 20% results is pretty damn good. Approaching 100 women is work that 10-20 you'll have a good time with and definitely that 2-3 girls that blow your mind.

This comes from me thinking that I'll get to stage where I can identify a girl I'd like to sleep with, date, or see as a long term partner and be so strong in my game that I should never be rejected.

That was a nice thought. But a pretty stupid one.

 

[Franco]

IC,

This comes from me thinking that I'll get to stage where I can identify a girl I'd like to sleep with, date, or see as a long term partner and be so strong in my game that I should never be rejected.

That was a nice thought. But a pretty stupid one.

The only way to get close to achieving results like this is to become famous (AND understand game)... if becoming famous also happens to be on your agenda. =)

- Franco

 

[Godsninja]

Don't forget confidence.

"You see that girl over there? I'm going to make her mine."

 

[IrishConrad]

Don't forget confidence.

"You see that girl over there? I'm going to make her mine."

IC,

This comes from me thinking that I'll get to stage where I can identify a girl I'd like to sleep with, date, or see as a long term partner and be so strong in my game that I should never be rejected.

That was a nice thought. But a pretty stupid one.

The only way to get close to achieving results like this is to become famous (AND understand game)... if becoming famous also happens to be on your agenda. =)

- Franco

Ninja- I agree- that is a solid frame to have. Just getting to a place where you can tell yourself that, not psyche yourself out, and approach means you're on your way. Phase 2- be ok with being rejected. being ok if you get her phone number and she doesn't text back. being ok when you think you've done everything right and she flakes....etc...etc.

Franco- Good point. And I was dead serious. I literally thought that my rejection's should and would drop dramatically. I feel like I'm just about at a point where I can say...."I'm glad she flaked on me, now I can go approach more hotter, fun, intelligent women"

I'll test this out on Friday as I have a date lined up for a small concert and drinks before. At the moment I am almost hoping she flakes so I can go get more practice and test my boundaries/limits.

Bring on the weekend.

 

[Godsninja]

I feel like I'm just about at a point where I can say...."I'm glad she flaked on me, now I can go approach more hotter, fun, intelligent women"

I'll test this out on Friday as I have a date lined up for a small concert and drinks before. At the moment I am almost hoping she flakes so I can go get more practice and test my boundaries/limits.

Bring on the weekend.

Me too! It feels pretty awesome eh!? I've been approaching for a while, but not until I got REALLY out there did this sortta thing start to happen.

I'm starting to think whether I should just take the girls I'm on a high note now, as friends. The learning part is quite addictive.

As to the main point of the post, I agree that the times are changing (even though I'm young, I ain't stupid), I don't really think there's a question about it. Learn to be as adaptive as possible.