Sprezzatura etc. in naturals

[yatagan]

Hello folks,

The way I've been raised is such that some habits more successful people than me have are not particularly easy to develop. By these I mean being somewhat detached, moving forward and, above all, demanding investment.
I've been in situations where people asked for investment and often found it impolite and overbearing. It also has that unpleasant feeling they're trying to test you.
I'm also rather attentive to the needs of other people in general, so if there's someone in front of me, whom I've invited, it's a natural tendency of mine (actually it's certainly learned and not natural) to want to make sure they're comfortable, have everything they need and so on.

I've often noticed naturals don't really do that. Rather, they pursue their own aims, have an "I don't give a shit" kind of attitude, sometimes ignore people outright, and ask for investment all the goddamn time.

Where do you think this behavior comes from? Is it some kind of jadedness, as if they have so much success already that they have little patience or time for new customers? Or a lack of empathy? I've been wondering about that. A good friend of mine is a guy just like what I've described and it works terrifically for him as he's very good-looking and, on the other hand, manages to offset it with charm and warmth.

 

[Bboy100]

I'm the exact opposite of a natural (I'm getting pretty good, but ive learned and developed everything I know with women). Therefore, I'm probably ill equipped to answer this question. Having said that, I would guess naturals form the habits of demanding investment via their upbringing.

Having said that, this isn't really relevant to either of us. Your focus is to develop them within yourself.

What you need to understand is that you probably are a natural at it, but only with people you know and feel comfortable with. Ex. You might feel perfectly comfortable asking a friend or relative to do a small favor for you, but not a complete stranger/attractive girl.

This ties back to two things:
1. Fear of confrontation/rejection
2. Fear of being imposing/violating social norms.

Lets take a look at the first issue:
This like all other fears is an issue of anxiety. The way we overcome anxiety is by making the decision to do it. Believe me, it is something you can do. You're just choosing not to because you'd rather avoid the uncomfortable feeling of doing so. Basically, the solution here is to grab yourself by the balls and just do it. Start out small though. So, ask a classmate for a pencil. Ask someone you kinda know to watch your stuff etc. Once you feel comfortable with this stuff, you can move onto asking strangers to do it for you. After that, asking girls for complience should be reletively easy. Remember, it will be uncomfortable, and that's the point. Without discomfort, you're not growing.

Now, lets take a look at the second issue:
This is more of a mental block than anything else. There's a lot of possible mentalities you can reframe to improve yourself in this area. I don't know what in specific is holding you up. So I'll just give you one which hopefully trumps any concerns you have:

In order to have sex with a women, it is required (usually) that you get some sort of investment from her. If you do have sex with her, you'll probably give her an amazing night (if you're a good lover, it'll be one she'll never forget). Moreover, if you choose her, you might even give her a relationship. So you might give her many amazing nights so to speak.
If this is true, could you maybe see how she (and everyone else around her) wouldn't give a shit that you "violated social norms" and perhaps even be grateful to you for it?

Hope this helps!