Standoff Eye Contact

[Zoro]

For a while I have been practicing strong eye contact during conversations and with strangers as I go about my dad. Occasionally I will meet the gaze of a cute girl and hold strong. The problem is the dynamic feels almost standoffish. I have told myself many times, "remember to smile after a second." I know I am missing out on playful and productive vibes by mishandling this very early stage of potential meeting someone.

I have worked hard on my fundamentals, I am fairly confident that many girls I make eye contact with will be receptive. The problem is this standoff vibe where I hide my interest, I feel I even pick up on her reciprocating and closing up and similarly acting aloof. Its definitely far from the "little bubble" vibe or anything playful and I'm making it happen.

I want to turn this around because I am slamming the door on opportunities. I think there is a deeper root cause to this problem. I'm afraid to do anything that might reveal I am attracted.

Fearing rejection, and looking awkward
and also showing my hand and having her lose interest (her feeling like she's got me)

Obviously I am doing something wrong and have some flawed understanding!

 

[Ross]

J Wick,

Yeah, I used to frequently run into this problem as well when I was first working on correcting my eye contact. I used to stare at the ground all the time, and when I finally begun forcing myself to look up and stay looking up, I got into staredowns with other people.

The way elite eye contact works is that you don't make eye contact with others unless you are intent on interacting with them. This isn't the best advice to give someone who is just starting out trying to look others in the eyes, as he'll just avoid eye contact with everyone and never interact, rather than make eye contact with a lot of people and get some interactions out of it.

Therefore, when you make the eye contact, be sure to follow up with a smile, and follow up with an opening if she is receptive. A good way to get this instinct down is to plan it out before making eye contact, rather than slipping into eye contact with another, holding it, and forgetting to do anything else. Practice telling yourself, "Okay, I see this girl out my peripheral vision, I'm going to make eye contact with her and smile." Then do it enough times to where you're eventually making eye contact with attractive women and smiling at them out of habit.

P.S. - If you do cold openings, you're going to be putting yourself out there. That's why typically you go direct in these types of situations, because she knows you are interested, and hiding the banana only makes things worse.

 

[Zoro]

Awesome,

That seems like the missing piece in my idea of what making eye contact means and is used for. I make eye contact with people all the time with no intention to interact and it often is borderline awkward.

It makes sense now!

Thanks Ross