Starting the Chase... Help out a Brit Student!

[LondonChaser19]

Hello everyone, (I have written a lot, (sorry) so I bolded the main parts.)

So I have been reading the articles on this website for several months and it has really changed the way I think about myself and others.

To cut to the chase... (pun intended)

I am 19, on a gap year before uni living in Epsom (Greater London, uk) and in serious need of help rembelishing my social circles! Where to meet new and YOUNG people my age in Greater London!

I have always been quirky, intelligent (love philosophy, Psychology, English, history, music), and more mature for my age so I would always find my friends in quiet people and enjoy the whole just hanging out with a mate kind of thing, as I found i had more in common with these kind of people. Obviously this meant little going out or social interaction! Yet I got along with everyone at my school male or female and people liked me.

The problem I had though is I have no dominance, a problem I still have, Girls see me as, sweet, cute, kind. Even though I have no difficulty talking to women I don't convey any sexiness or dominance. Its not confidence either, I went to a club once and no one was dancing so I downed my drink ant went F it, im gonna dance. My friends laughed at me but in no time everyone was dancing, lots of women complimented my dancing and even got a few who kissed me than ran away (what the hell is that all about btw?) Yet no women seemed interested in me for something.... more if you know what i mean. I feel i have plenty of confidence.

I have managed to pull myself out of a slump of depression around the end of this September, something which started Mid November last year, and while I have not been anywhere near as bad as I was then I still dont feel great, its more like meh. So i thought it was about time i do something! I will do the 14 day newbie challenge and report back in the appropriate place (think there is a sub forum for it? ill find it...)

Because of a mix of uni and personal issues there is only two people I am friends with really in my town, both of whom are great friends but not that into going out really. I need help on how to find places to meet new people my age, how to find good clubs, bars, social events etc as I just have no idea! When i tried looking online it was all mostly aimed at 25yrs + age of people and mostly middle aged people. Especially in Epsom, Greater London as It seems a lot easier to find people and places in America.

What I am looking for here is a little bit of advice and guidance, to be pointed in the right direction so I can get on with changing my life for the better. Especially so i can make the most of Uni next year.

Thanks for listening Hope to hear from you guys soon!

 

[Marty]

Hey LondonChaser:

Welcome! I have personally been to Epsom and I know for a fact that downtown Epsom is full of drunk girls on a Saturday night.

To get your feet wet, I suggest you try some night-street game. I have done a fair amount of this the past few weekends, but my results are patchy, so I suggest you head over and look at what PrettyDecent and GentlePhrases have been up to.

In the meantime, it sounds like there's a lot of work you can be doing on developing your masculinity and presence, but I'll leave that to others to comment upon. There is a colossal amount of information on that over on the article side of the site.

-Marty

 

[Doctor]

Hey LC,

As a Brit who just started uni I thought I could share some advice with you.

I came from a place so similar to you it's almost uncanny. I was severely depressed before uni and it is always something you need to fight to keep at bay, I am not sure it ever truly leaves you so don't worry about having the odd 'meh' just stay positive overall and consciously battle the bad thoughts. I think Ernest Hemingway had a point when he once said "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." - it is possible, you just have to work at it and I am glad to see you are doing well there.

I also only had a couple of friends (and a small social circle from college) last year but don't worry too much about growing your social circles before you go to uni. I started university this September and literally overnight I was part 3 large social circles (one with my course mates and two from university sports clubs/societies I joined) and within these social circles there is always something going on almost every night. I could also have a social circle of flat mates as I live in halls however I don't get on amazingly with the people in my flat, but that's just the luck of the draw I guess, hopefully it will be different for you.

Add to this I haven't seen anyone from my previous social circle since I left for uni as I moved to a new city when I left.

I guess I am trying to say don't focus too much on expanding social circle before you go to uni, you will inevitably end up with LOADS of NEW friends when you come to uni. Just don't forget to go to the freshers fair and be sure to sign up for EVERYTHING when you do!

As for what you can work on for now, well Marty definitely has some great suggestions.

I personally worked on getting my fundamentals down and this helped a LOT at uni. This is because if you are a sexual, dominant man in what is, lets face it, a place full of mostly young, inexperienced, slightly nerdy guys then women cant take their eyes off you!

Also I would practice night game, as, if you are up for it, there is a good night out going on almost every night at uni. Although I would say that the stereotype of student girls being easy on nights out is a little wrong in my experience; I found most of them to be young, boring, stuck up cock teases, and the usual student hangouts to be complete sausage-fests, which kind of surprised me to be honest. Although there were some easy pulls (on the night, taking numbers is worse than pointless here) just don't expect to rely on night game all the time or maybe just avoid the main student hang outs.

So yeah, focus on fundamentals and good conversation/confidence so you can chat to/ask out the girls on your campus or at the societies/sports clubs which is where I have found the best girls hang out.

At least that's what I would recommend from my experience.

Hope this helps
- Doctor

 

[LondonChaser19]

Hi there,

Firstly I want to say thank you to the both of you for your advice and suggestions. Its nice to see this is a friendly forum.

So I have some updates on my story,

I took your advice and I tried the night game with a male friend of mine.

Saw some girls hanging outside a club and started to chat to them, got one of their numbers, after which she told me she is in a 4 year relationship but thinks im cool (DOH!) Oh well.

Eventually hit the club met the girls and her friends after about an hour in there. Dancing and stuff got their attention and they invited me to their table where I got a lot of free drinks from them. (that was new for me, being bought a drink from a girl aha). They all appeared to be in relationships, whether they were lying or not I dont know but whatever.

Tried hitting on a few other girls there, non took the bate. Go back to the table and some random girl asks if she can sit down till my friends come back. I say okay and chat to her for a bit, I felt we were getting along quite well and she seemed not to like the club to much (I find clubs fun only about 20% of the time really). I told her that she seemed nice and if she would want to go get a coffee some time. She said yeah so I asked for her number and she told me she didnt have her phone on her and asked If i had a piece of paper so i could write mine down for her. I didnt (wont make that mistake next time...) but she said she doesnt really use facebook but that i should add her so i could get her number. She writes her name on my phone then i got called off by my wingman. (... yeah he got himself locked inside a toilet cubicle and was getting kicked out so i thought i better walk him home.)

So I added the girl the afternoon after the club and a day later she accepted my friend request. I didnt even have FB but I told her i would make one to find her.

I know there is a chance it will go badly but hell i have to try right? Worst case scenario I am back to square one.

So I have my own ideas on what to message to her but I really dont want to mess this up and have a habit of coming off as way to nice as I like to write a lot. Hell look how long i have made this post As of today its been a day since she added me, (the whole to busy act thing) So when and what should i send to her?

I have no idea really, I have two objectives, get her no. get her on a date. But at the same time I met her for 10 mins in a club so I dont know what would be appropriate. Any advice? Thanks

 

[Light]

Why not set up your own community?

www.meetup.com