FR starting to see the bigger picture, older than I think

[Start_ed_young]

Most important thing I learned is I appear much older than I o am to girls. This probably causes the odds of me getting with girls my age fr m cold approach to lower since I’d be seen as more intimidating and less attainable.

I was very impressed at the beginning of the day. the girls I saw that were there for orientation were plentifully attractive. I got some looks, but since I was with my father and brother and the girls were with family I didn’t approach.

Later on when I went to Starbucks, I saw a small blonde. She looked young and pouty kinda. (Ida guesses about 13-14 y/o) she gave me the look and a smile on the way out, but then she whips out some car keys and gets into her car. I walked in the Starbucks to see if there was anybody I wanted to talk to, there wasn’t. I walk back out and she is walking in after lock-in her car. 10 seconds or so after the fact, I thought of a perfect opener: “You’re old enough to drive?”its kind of a tease that disqualifies her from the get go. Since she was on he way inside for Starbucks, I could have easily escalated conversation from there, to having coffee together, to fucking.

If only I’d thought of the opener sooner.

Next bit of action I got was when I went to eat by myself. The waitress was really hot but had a wierd scar on the outside of her mouth. It started out normal by her asking what I’d like to drink and I asked for sweet tea, but then eventually I expanded the conversation past that. Quite well actually in my opinion. Went like this

Her: walking past my table but clearly not busy*
Me: Hey, you been keeping up with the World Cup at all?
Her: Oh, no. Why is that on right now or something?
Me: No it’s just kind of a big event. I’ve been following
Her: Ohhhh. I’m not a big sports person, or tv sports at least. I like live sports though.
Me: yea I just play soccer. So you like to go to football games and stuff?
Her: yea.
Parts I can’t remember.
Me: so you go to U (big college that the city is pretty much based around)?
Her: yea, do you go there too?
Me: oh no
Her: oh what brings you here then? Just family and friends or vacation.
Me: well actually, U is havin an orientation thing today so I’m in town for that today, but I actually live about 2 hrs away.
Her: oh so your gonna be coming next year?
Me: “actually, I’ll be going in to 10th grade” really hard to hold back the laugh there.

Could have definitely said Sophomore there were stead to keep her thinking college still.

Her: WOW! Well look at you! (Her expression did seem legitimately shocked.)
Me: slightly laughing at her, how old did you think I was?
Her: I kinda thought you seemed like you were my age.
Me: And that is??
Her: 21

I told her stories of success on tinder and how I was surprised that people believed I was 18 and she was not surprised.

I might be wrong but I believe at some point in the interaction I could sense interest from her, but I think it’s hard to tell when they are being paid to be nice to you. Does this effect their non-verbals too? Or are those still good indicators of truth. Cause that’s what I was basing my senses off.

In hine-sight I kinda wish I would have asked what time she got off her shift, since I did enjoy her company, and she was attractive. She probably wouldn’t have gotten off while I was still in town, but still.

From what I’ve said do you think she was interested or just being the waitress? In my opinion, even though the approach was indirect, I was able to use certain things later on to imply man to woman frame. Thoughts there?

Funny story, this guy had a really long convo with me at a cross walk bc he was trying to figure if we had the same shoes. It relavent though.

Interesting occurrence, as I was walking down the side walk this car with 2 very good looking girls honked at me. I turned around in confusion at first then gave a cheeky glare when I saw the culprits smiling and looking at me. At first I thought damn they were hot. Then I though, “wait a minute, I mean they are so silly and cute!” Damn shame I didnt see them again.

Last approach on the day, I saw a group of three that might have been those girls, but probably wasn’t, they were attractive though.

I approached them at the stopping point of the cross walk. I opened with “you wouldn’t happen to be the ladies who honked at me would you?” One if the three turned and looked bitchy and said snappily, “what? No!” I said very good then. I kinda didn’t know where I was going to go with that so I was kind of about to leave, the one of them asks me what I thought of the pizza place they were planning on going to. Told them I have no idea, not from around here. Ask if they are from here. They weren’t. Told them to have a good night. They said by.

Definitely would have proposed “mind if i join u” since it seemed like a damn near invite. But I had to get picked up by my father and brother in like three minutes to leave. I though about it in time too, just knew it couldn’t happen.

Something also to note, my initial responses were much better here then in Cincinnati.

Lemme know what you guys think of the insta-date opportunities?, the waitress?, the honk?,and the age thing? and what that would effect?

Any feed back is greatly appreciated.

Cheers,
Young

 

[Fuck This]

You gotta build your own DOPE (Data Observed from Previous Engagements). Each interaction gives you an opportunity to calibrate your responses to those situations and learn to read people. It just comes with experience. Your observations are more valuable than those of someone reacting to a story you told them, potentially leaving out or emphasizing certain points.

Keep track of what words or phrases get you smiles and eye contact. Pay attention to your body language and that of whom you are speaking. Notice changes in it.

Your mind and perspective will change over time at least 4 times in your next 10 years. Things that seem important to you now will seem childish in the future. One thing about older women, they appreciate a younger man who IS mature (not ACTS mature). If you can have a good conversation socially with a Starbucks Barista, it just makes you smoother in other situations. Remember, she is paid to be nice to customers. Use that to your advantage. Let her demonstrate that you are a fun loving, attractive guy to other people. AKA social proof.
When you are likeable, you will be amazed at how people will set you up to look good. it is just up to you to do it without looking like a show off or Try-hard

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hi Young,

Good to see you're still putting yourself out there. If I recall you said Jersey girl didn't work out.. sorry to hear about that and I hope that didn't totally put you off of girls in your school. Don't let one bad experience spoil it!

The age thing actually doesn't surprise me all that much. Different people develop at different rates, etc., so within that overall age range it is really hard to tell. At the beginning of this year I was deathly afraid of hitting on girls I figured might be high school age (I'm old enough it would at minimum be very scandalous). Basically it was just one of the many excuses approach anxiety would use to stop me from approaching any girls. At some point I stopped giving a shit about age (during the approach stage) and I found that, of the girls I was afraid might be still in high school but opened anyway just to be sure, about half were and half weren't. In the absence of contextual cues (including dress and behaviour), it can be pretty hard to tell just by looking.

Did the waitress give genuine interest? I suspect it's hard to know that.

They do get used to being flirty and nice because male customers respond well to that, but it doesn't mean their interest is always feigned. For instance, a little while ago I approached a girl working in a store where their sales are tracked and they're expected to greet every single person who walks into the store. Actually, she had approached me first as part of that job, and I dismissed her and then approached her later on that day. Anyway, she eventually gave me via text the most obvious hint at a hookup I've gotten so far ("Netflix and chill" lol)... most likely would have slept with her if I had've been more confident and had better logistics. So it's certainly possible to still seduce women who are paid to be nice.

I'm not really sure myself how to tell the difference, but one important thing to realize (and this applies also to the pizzeria girls) is that it doesn't hurt to assume the best.

If you sense what might be interest, proceed as if there is. At worst you get shut down. At best, your presumption may itself be attractive if you proceed smoothly. How you perceive her interest can to an extent be a self-fulfilling prophecy - and that goes in either direction.

The worst mistake you can make is to not pursue because you think she's not really interested when in fact she was! I've passed up possible approach invitations because I'm not sure it's an invitation, and then afterwards I kick myself when I think about how I should have opened anyway!

Too bad in both cases your logistics were untenable. I'd almost have thought to try anyway just to see.

Something also to note, my initial responses were much better here then in Cincinnati.

Hmmmm... do you live in Cincinnati? By "my initial responses", do you mean how the girls responded to you, or how you responded to the situations? I'd be interested to hear if you found you were performing better because you weren't in your home city. (I am toying with the idea to move to Africa for a while and that could be yet another possible benefit! lol)

Cheers,
Phoenix

 

[Start_ed_young]

Thanks boys,

FT,
By using the people who are paid to be nice to you, does that mean to use them as preselection and whatnot, and yes I get that I have to create a DOPE (nice acronym btw) and lastly where does that statistic of mindset changing 4 tones in the next ten years come from, sounds accurate and interesting though.

Phoenix!

Hey thanks for remembering my last significant approach bro, that’s cool. But yea she was kinda like my first near success from a cold approach. She wasn’t form my school, but uea, I def am going to get some lays from school/ social circle game. At the moment I kinda established my self as the host/leader. Few days ago I had the hottest girl in our grade and 2 of her friends over with me and some of my friends. Went pretty well. I think one of the girls is kinda more into me now.

About Cincinnati, that’s my mistake I should have specified that was jut the city my last FR was from. And they didn’t really like me AT ALL. Kinda annoying. But when I went to the one in this Fr, much better results. It was kinda like being a hot girl in a town of guys, I was getting hit on kinda obviously I’m my opinion.

How come you wanna move to Africa, that sounds interesting. You in the states currentl? And hell yea, always presume the best.

Thanks Pheonix!
Young

 

[ThePhoenix]

About Cincinnati, that’s my mistake I should have specified that was jut the city my last FR was from. And they didn’t really like me AT ALL. Kinda annoying. But when I went to the one in this Fr, much better results. It was kinda like being a hot girl in a town of guys, I was getting hit on kinda obviously I’m my opinion.

Ah, ok. So maybe it's not an out-of-home thing after all.

Interesting how different cities got much different responses, although it's probably not enough data points to really judge that accurately. Myself, I've only done a tiny bit of game outside the city I live in (well, not counting different city-sized districts), so I haven't had much opportunity to make comparisons like that. Yet.

How come you wanna move to Africa, that sounds interesting.

Well, I've long been interested in those cultures, appreciate adventure, and have long wanted to live there for a while, partly because I think actually living somewhere very foreign for a while gives you a life perspective you just don't get from taking a vacation and doing touristy stuff. I have never lived abroad yet, but even just on vacations to foregn spots, I did them more indie style rather than living in resorts and hotels, and even that I felt was a lot better. (My most fascinating memories were from everyday life stuff, not touristy stuff, though I did both.) But that's not my motivation for moving in the short term, since it's not actually fully convenient a.t.m.

That immediate motivation would be black women. I'm so profoundly attracted to them (African especially) that I've never hit on anything else! (Well, plus the odd mixed girl, just to not be tooo picky.) But my city is under 9% black. You need to approach and date in large numbers to learn properly. I should really just approach everything, but I'm too determined/stubborn/obsessed/stupid/captivated/spiritual/exogamous for that. So in order to make any real progress while living here, I'd have to be a black girl approach machine with zero fear! Unfortunately, I'm far from an approach machine. I chicken out at least 19 times out of 20.

In Nairobi, Kenya, or Kampala, Uganda, black girls are the cuter half of like 97% of the population! So it would make it much easier for me to get the approach numbers up even if I do chicken out a lot. But I also think I might not even chicken out as much, because something in my brain will register that there is nothing to be afraid of in approaching a black girl when it sees just how many more there are!! Kind of like how a man in a desert may die of thirst with water still in his bottle (true story), because scarcity made him afraid to drink that last bit - no man living beside a huge lake would ever do that!

It's good that you're starting with girls early. I unfortunately did not, which is partly why I have to take such extreme measures to overcome my sad habit of avoiding women. Staying away from them gets harder to overcome the longer you've been doing it.

Cheers,
Phoenix