Stating My Intentions On Apps

[YOLT]

I've been struggling with the following dilemma for some time: I currently have no interest in getting into a relationship. I often state this upfront (often on tinder, pof, etc.) because I am not the type of guy who wants to mislead women. Almost every time I state this upfront the girl, who up until that moment seemed extremely interested or even asked me out, immediately looses interest. I often even get some quite hostile responses back. Consequently I have lost out on countless dates with attractive women because of my transparency. I am looking to find a solution to this problem, while remaining the nice and honest guy I am. How can i do this? Thanks

 

[Sandman]

You don't have to spill your beans so soon. If you state your inventions right away maybe a certain percentage of women won't care but the majority will only think you are unattainable. They won't be able to relate to you. Don't state your intentions to have sex upfront. You will remain an honest person as long as you actively qualify yourself as a boyfriend material. Indeed, you shouldn't do that. Just focus on getting them to bed first.

 

[YOLT]

How does stating my intentions make me seem unattainable?

 

[Regal Tiger]

Agreed with Sandman, stating right upfront exactly what you want is just too much of a slap in the face and murders your attainability. "I didn't like him anyways, what a douche saying he doesn't want to date me. How dare he say that! He's a loser anyways" and other rationalizations to protect the ego.

You can still be honest later on down the road and keep from leading women on. In today's society it's presumptuous to assume that, that is what she wants anyways. In a lot of relationship articles on GC they talk about how most women are perfectly fine with completely casual for a few months at first because that's just kinda how things are at the moment. People don't want to get tied down (unless you live in a super tiny area in which case things are monstrously different and people get married after dating for a few months... seen it happen way too often).


I'll use myself as an example; I don't believe in monogamy. I'll let a few things slip into casual conversation here and there exposing that belief. After a few months we'll have a conversation about it (and actually I cheat a little bit and use a video of Johnny Soporno because he says it way better than I could and he does a cool little thing called the happy ball that I love too). Because this is what I genuinely believe and is a rock solid belief I naturally act through that mindset anyways and women more than likely pick up on it pretty well regardless of what I say about it. Though I'm genuinely honest about my beliefs I don't go shoving them in everybody's face. By the point that we actually have a conversation about it the girl has spent time with me and can decide for herself if staying with me is worth it. Before she knows me though I just come off as some arrogant douche.



Lastly, you might not think that you want something serious with any of the girls you meet but then you meet one and have sex a few times and HOLY SHIT SHE'S THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD! But too late, you told her that you didn't want anything serious and now that's the box you've put yourself in. Now you gotta put in an inordinate amount of work to dig yourself out of that box or more than likely watch as she dates someone else and lets you go. This too is a form of ego protection. You told her you didn't want her long term and so she never allowed herself to like you to protect herself.

 

[Regal Tiger]

How does stating my intentions make me seem unattainable?

Because you tell them that you don't want them long-term. Even if that's not what women want you for right away people at least like the option. But you telling them that you don't want them long-term is like saying "Listen, I want to shag you silly but you're not good enough for a real relationship. Sorry sweetie... but sex now?"

 

[Sandman]

How does stating my intentions make me seem unattainable?

Because you tell them that you don't want them long-term. Even if that's not what women want you for right away people at least like the option. But you telling them that you don't want them long-term is like saying "Listen, I want to shag you silly but you're not good enough for a real relationship. Sorry sweetie... but sex now?"

This

 

[YOLT]

Sandman and Regal Tiger - thanks for the solid advice.

 

[Average]

Sup man,

Solid advice indeed. I've also been struggling with this problem for the year. And I've found that it does happen as the members have said it does. Took me a while to get to that understanding though. So the advice here really helps me too. One extra bit of advice I can give you is to tell her your intentions only when she presses you HARD for them as I've noticed that this is when the success rate is at its highest.

I.e she doesn't flip out too much

Plus if you did things right during your interaction with her and tried not to lie and promise her a beautiful boyfriend in her future, then odds are, she'll even expect you to tell her that you don't do relationships.

Usually when she reaches this point you and her will be shag buddies though. As girls aren't normally this aggressive in the beginning phase of a courtship.

And also, do it in person. Doing it over the phone via text and early on snaps attainability in half because:

1. She can't see your body language, so she imagines it meaner that it really is
2. If you tell her too soon then she hasn't met YOU PERSONALLY and thus its easier for her to leave you because you're just another tinder profile in her eyes and thus, just another NO MATCH she found online.

So wait for her to invest in you emotionally (as well as physcially )and then you can tell her everything you intend to do with her