Stop saying "no" and "yes" as much?

[PinotNoir]

The more interactions/conversations that I have with women the more that I've come to realize the subtle downfalls of verbally stating "no" and "yes."

Let me know if you agree or disagree.


The word "no" over and over adds negativity to the conversation and makes your statement sound harsher, and it sounds like you're countering/challenging/arguing the previous question by her.

Examples of "no" (underline=girl):

"Do you want to eat Chinese?"
"No, I want to eat Italian."
vs.
"Let's eat Italian instead."
(more team-based)

"Do you like red wine?"
"No, I like white wine."
vs.
"I prefer white wine myself."

"I love Justin Bieber. Do you like him?"
"No."
vs.
"I like more Indie music."
(In this case, it's probably best to say "no.")

Next, if you add another line, it gets even better:
"Let's eat Italian instead. I know a great hole-in-the-wall restaurant next to the mall. Plus, there's wine."
"I prefer white wine myself. Red, huh? You must have a rich palette and love cream in your coffee." (assumption to get her talking)
"I like more Indie music. You probably only like Bieber because he's from your home country of Canada." (assumption again)


Next, we have "yes." "Yes" is actually good most of the time, as with yes-ladders. On a subconscious level, it may get her used to the word "yes" in your conversations, and it's positive energy. However, a small problem with "yes" is that it can start to make you look like you're chasing and supplicating when you aren't really.

Examples of "yes":

"Will you pass me a napkin by you?"
"Yes, here you go."
vs.
"Here you go."

"You look so handsome today. Do I look beautiful as well?"
"Yes, you look lovely as always."
vs.
"You look lovely as always."

Another thing is that it makes it sound a little edgier and more bad boy. Just grabbing a napkin and saying "here you go" just sounds more like a bad boy, in my opinion.

Of course, to make this even better is to either counter in a playful way or to say it in a more creative way. For example, on the 2nd one, there's so many things you could have said differently. You could have teased her playfully ("Well, I'm not sure. Do you have a pair of glasses I can borrow?") or countered her in a playful way ("Well, I love your dress, but way too much lipstick. Let me lessen it with my lips.") or something else more unique.

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

I think Chase had a post regarding not saying "no." If I remember correctly it had something to do with the importance of being picky in a calibrated way. I believe he would say something like "that's not my style" instead of "no" b/c people so dislike the word.

I'm ambivalent about your "yes." I can see how it avoids supplication/chasing b/c "you look beautiful as always" sounds much less sincere than "yes, you look beautiful as always." Depends on your motivation. Also,"here you go" without "yes" or "yeah" sounds kind of butt hurt to me, like you almost couldn't bother to do it hahaha. The lack of a yes feels like you're robbing me of something special lol. So...it does seem to do what you say it does.

My thinking is that I would stop asking you to do things for me if you never said "yes/yeah/sure" or some other positive before acting. I also would be more likely to say "no" to you, out of spite. I'll drop "yes" for a while to see how people respond.

Interesting thoughts here, P.

 

[Dern]

I found the article:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/tacti ... do-instead

I find myself guilty of saying "no" sometimes as well. Some examples:

Girl: "have you ever been to Europe?"

Me: "no"

What I should've said: "I have been to Mexico and Cuba"


Girl: "what about you? do you have any tatoos?"

Me: "no"

What I should've said: "when I'm older and my body grows out, I will. Don't want to have any stretched out tattoos, do I?"


Can anyone think of better responses to "what I should've said?" These are the questions that first come up in my mind that I often find myself saying "no" to.

 

[Casanovelis]

Interesting thoughts on the Yes/No dichotomy. Seems like a game of balance and always using something to your advantage.

 

[PinotNoir]

Oh wow, cool. I didn't know that Chase wrote an article on this. He goes into much better detail. And of course, it's not black and white. Sometimes you do want to say "no."

Dern, this is how I would respond to those:

Girl: "have you ever been to Europe?"
Guy: "Well, I've been to Mexico and Cuba, but I'd love to travel Europe. What parts have you been to?"
In this case, it's probably fine to say "not yet" or "haven't been."

Girl: "what about you? do you have any tatoos?"
Guy: "I prefer to admire the artwork on others. You must be pretty bold and creative though."

Just something like that.

EDIT I just wanted to point out that girls (and people in general) usually ask questions because they want to discuss that topic. She brings up Europe because she wants to either discuss her trips there or she has been wanting to go there forever and has it on her mind. Think about your conversations with your friends. When you can't think of anything to say, you usually ask questions to your friends on topics that you want to discuss instead of the other way around. She's also probing similarities. Lastly, these can even be escalation windows. The classic example in GC articles are questions about your apartment. "Do you have a roommate?" She doesn't care about your roommate or the in-depth discussions on the intricacies of roommates; she's wanting to know if you two can go back to your place and have sex in privacy I still miss these a good bit and am learning.

 

[Dern]

Thanks for chipping in your take, Pinot

I just remembered another thing that I always find myself saying no to:

Girl: "do you work?"

Me: "no"

What I should say instead:

"I prefer to do fun things in my spare time"

OR

"I prefer to focus on school" (probably the lamest response possible)

OR

"ohhh. trust me, I woorkk" *said in sexual tone of voice*

Her: "haha, where?" (if she doesn't get it)

Me: "it would be inappropriate for me to say"

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Hey Pinot,

Thanks for the tips there, especially about when people ask questions.

I had another thought about "yes" for you to consider. It's such a beautiful word and everyone loves hearing it. Why cant we have our cake and eat it too? How about using Chase's idea of making a positive statement and taking it even further:

Girl: "have you ever been to Europe?"
Guy: "Been to Europe? Yes, I've thought about it. So far I've only been to Mexico and Cuba. I'm drawn more to warm weather and olive skin . What parts have you been to?"

Girl: "what about you? do you have any tatoos?"
Guy: "Tattoos? You know...Yes, I've thought about getting one. I decided that I prefer to admire the artwork on others. Maybe its my remaining catholic side fighting to stay alive! You must be pretty bold and creative though."

Here, you've still agreed ostensibly, yet you've softly broken rapport.

*It also avoids words like "but" and "however" which serve to negate everything you said before the word.

 

[PinotNoir]

GP, I like it. I'll start playing around with it and see if it makes anything easier in my interactions with women (i.e., compliance, dates, anti-chasing/anti-supplicating, etc.) compared with not saying yes. Since you don't answer right away and then say yes, it sounds less chasing while also being agreeable.

My yes examples in the OP are mainly about chasing when it isn't chasing. Like in the supplication/compliance article, Chase talks about not getting a girl water if she asks, but if you're right next to the cooler of water and she asks, then you go ahead and get it. However, I was noticing a slight trend where even if I was right next to the water cooler and then said yes (in this hypothetical example, but related to other real-life examples), I began to notice a difference when not saying yes instead, like the yes was making a non-supplicating action into a supplication -- if that makes sense. But, I'm not 100% certain on this, just messing around for now.