striking a balance between being grounded and playful

[kalyan]

hey all,
there is a problem i have been struggling with for a long while. when i approach, i could almost always take a number. but i do not hear from them again. a friend with another coaching company saw me approach and suggested that i am not grounded enough- i am apologetic in my approach. okay, i see that. so i tried being grounded and more serious. but the problem now, is that the interactions feel "too much" - i am not able to be playful, so it is weird on them, and they leave due to pressure. but when i go back to being playful and fine, they just smile, thank me for a compliment, and i leave. how would you deal with this?

 

[foggy]

Hmmm, not hearing from a girl after you get her number could be a flaw in your game unrelated to being grounded/playful. Some quick questions:

Are you being direct at all?
How long do your interactions last? What do you talk about with them? Are you making them feel emotions?
Are you asking for physical compliance during the interaction?
How do you number close?

I would also recommend learning the technique of emotional cementing, if you don't use it already. Chase discusses it here:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/brain ... ng-emotion

But what if it is due to your problems with playfulness/groundedness? HMMM. You are mentioning how the interactions feel "too much." When you get the "too much" feeling, that is the perfect time to inject a little bit of playfulness into the conversation. Vice versa as well. Alarm bells (DING DING) will go off in your head when you're being too playful for too long - that is the time you need to transition into being more serious.

Wait though, you're probably wondering...how do I transition between these states so quickly? In order to be playful with women when you are not feeling so playful, you need to remember a time you were playful, then emulate that state. Put yourself in the state of playfulness. My favourite way to be playful lately is to take what a women is saying and call her out on it, as if she's lying. She'll be like "I'm an accountant" and ill be like "you are not!! "

 

[kalyan]

hey backstory,

i almost exclusively do direct approaches. i couldnt give replies to the other questions because in most interactions, the girls eject before we reach the 60 second mark!! no, i am not a creepy guy who says weird things, im just a regular guy who comes and tries to keep an open heart during the interactions, but i just cant seem to get commitment during street cold approaches, or cold approaches in general. that being said, its very possible that its not playfulness/ groundedness thats not the problem, but i dont know what it is, and i have no idea how i could figure out what it is, so i am doing the only thing i know; doing 20, 30, 50 approaches a week and seeing what comes out. very frustrating process but, oh well, i keep the end goal in mind.

 

[Ergon]

Hey man, if your approaches don't last long, then it's probably something to do with the transition from the opener to the regular conversation.

I'm also naturally inclined to be playful, but I do prefer to be more serious and calm when I approach. That way I come across as more confident and seductive, instead of rather friendly or player-ish.

It's a bit different during night, when you do need to tease, grab her attention and talk about more superficial things. During the day you can't get away with talking slower, deep diving pretty soon, not trying to be impressive (you already did that by complimenting her during the day).

I don't know what your process is for your street approaches, but Ideally you pre-open, and with the pre-opening you make her stop. For example doing the policeman stop, or touching her arm and pointing back: "I saw you from over there.. And .."

You deliver your direct compliment and immediately tell her your name. That way you indicate that you plan to have a longer interaction with her beyond a simple compliment:

-Are you single?
-Yes
-I just saw you walking by and I thought you had the most amazing hair I've seen all day. My name is… what's yours?

Then after introducing yourself instead of making plain, regular question, make an assumption about her, accuse her of something or just tell her something you noticed about her. For example:

-I noticed you look a bit dressed up, you work at an office?

Once she answers you improvise/free associate "When I think of x, I think of y":

-When I think of you at the office I imagine you making phone calls, selling to your international clients and attending a lot of important meetings.

Then you continue talking about her, and you get investment from her. She asks questions, then you either ask her to show you something she's wearing or move her somewhere.
A bit of teasing and some deep diving (ideally you have a list of topics to deep dive)
After about 5 minutes you grab her number or insta-date and that's it.

I'm not giving you the greatest examples, but you see the point. Also pardon if I'm giving you more info that you needed, but since it's hard to tell where the issue is unless we see you approaching, I'm hoping some point here clicks or give you an idea. Do tell if something I wrote doesn't apply to you.
Cheers.

 

[kalyan]

Hey Ergon,
Sorry for my late reply, was out meeting women.

I like your ideas. I shall try them out. As you said it is not very clear what the problem is, but i feel it is not in the points you mentioned: these are stuff meant to make me look smooth and charismatic. I dont do bad in those departments. Every girl calls me charming or charismatic or whatever. The problem rather lies in something else, but i do not know what: i just had an instadate with a girl who was suppppper attracted and comfortable, who i kissed within 5 minutes of meeting, and did not reply to my text even though i was completely convinced she wanted me to fuck her for hours. And its not the first time this happens.

Lets put it this way: girls like me. Not all, but some of them like me. But for some reason they dont want to see me again someitmes, and i cannot find an answer on gc. Not saying gc doesnt have the answer, i just cant see it