Hey guys!
I don't really know what I hope to gain from this post. But getting my thoughts out might be good for something and help to organise them. If anyone has any comments or insights or advice or supporting words, I would of course highly appreciate it! Even if it to just "snap out of it".
I cannot really talk to anyone about it in person. And being alone with my thoughts sucks.
Right now my main problem is that I haven't been able to get my ex out from my mind. I managed to do that but then something goes wrong in my plans and it reminds me how my life sucks compared to back then and she comes back to haunt me. I cannot imagine this still affects my life so long time after and that makes me more depressed.
I’m in my early 30s and broke up with my ex almost 1,5 years ago. She is in her mid 20s and we were together for 2 years. When I met her I was instantly attracted to her. She was exactly my cup of tea in the looks area and I later found out she was even much more in everything else. I didn’t know anything how attraction exactly works back then but looking back to it, I subconsciously did everything right. I also used to be quite confident. After a few weeks she was head over heels in love with me. I was just out from another relationship that wasn't working for me (even though she was a great girl too) and so I was also doubting things a bit, making her chase more and more so it all clicked. After a few months she asked me to come to live with her. It evolved into a deep and intense relationship. We both hadn’t felt such a connection before. I became close to her family and the whole package. I didn't imagine I could be so happy. And so was she.
But as I now have learned things sometimes go, things got rocky when we hit the 2 year mark. She showed so much love towards me all the time, that i got complacent and didn't court her as much as I used to. The honeymoon period started to fade. I was busy and stressed at work and got grumpy. She on the other hand had a lot of time on her hands and also stressed out in another way – about not being busy enough and not having her professional life figured out. I could now list a ton of things that went wrong just in the quite short period of time. So many stupid things from my part and some from her. Anyway the whole great relationship disintegrated within a short period of time. At first she was just mad at me. But then I became a needy emotional tampon and suddenly the sexual polarity entirely changed. I've always been the strong one and the leader in our relationship (or any relationship I had in the past) and she had been totally in her feminine the whole time. But then after this fight I tried to fix it, when she wanted space. That of course made it worse. And I also got to know she had started to fancy our mutual friend. A dude we both knew. I later found out he actually tried to hook up with her right before I did. But she chose me. He kept orbiting her the entire two years. I actually encouraged them to hang out and encouraged to get help from this dude, when I encouraged her to pursue her new interest in what this guy was pretty good at. So I felt extra betrayed and stupid. But instead of being offended and to turn away it somehow made me weak. Very weak. My emotions were all over the place. I couldn't believe this is happening. So I continued to do more and more things wrong and got dumped and she chose him.
Then in the after match of the breakup, she pulled me back 3-4 times in the course of 3-4 months. She was still attached to me. But she never let go of the other dude. And I didn't have my act together.
After a while I started to have something casual with other girls, that's especially when she got in touch. But I wasn't strong enough, was still needy, gave in too easily and so a year ago she chose the other dude for good. So I guess I could have maybe got her back when I had been stronger, having my act together and being less of an emotional wimp. I of course understand her ways more now after I have studied a lot of materials about women psychology. She was a textbook chick when to look back to it. Unfortunately in the tail end of our relationship and in the months following the breakup, I mostly acted out of emotions or followed advice that is dead wrong or I just couldn’t read the right stuff out if it with my mindset back then. I did one or two things right here and there, but was not consistent and fell back into the trap of neediness. When I read some of the stuff I wrote down during that time, I feel pretty damn embarrassed.
The cut was deep and I was very hurt. I'm still a mess, even after 1,5 years later.
It took me a long time to figure out why I was dumped and replaced. She gave me all sorts of hints and reasons, so I started to resent many those things in my life like my career and choices in life. But in the end I figured she used to love those things before. So in the real end I figured the number one reason for being dumped was me becoming weak and emotional. And she tried me out many times after the breakup, checking if I'm over this and became strong again. I was for a tiny bit but after small rejection or doubt from her, became emotional again. So she must have thought she is done with me for good.
I'm disappointed and angry at myself not so much for being dumped in the first place. As that forced me to learn many things about myself and about life and relationships.
But I'm angry for not getting my act together later those months.
Where am I know? I haven't talked to her for a long time. She is still with the other dude. That thing seem to have worked out for them. We share the same social circle somewhat, so I still hear about them, even if I try not to. It seems they're doing great. For me she doesn't seem the same person any more. She has changed her looks even.
About myself. I have dated a few girls. One case got messed up because of my ex pulled me back. In two cases I became needy. Then I've got some random hookups. I have got laid with more different girls during this year than I have had in the whole life before her. So in that sense it hasn't been that bad. Hehe. But it hasn't been mostly with the girls I would really really want. So it has made me more depressed. That certainly hasn’t made me happy. I haven’t found a connection I dig. I’m usually more depressed after a random hookup, so I have stopped them for now. I often feel lonely even though I have people around me. Social anxiety that I used to have a bit in the past has emerged again.
Last winter I got some momentum going. I got in a pretty good shape. I had a big work project going that kept me focused. I had one gorgeous girl interested in me that made me feel good. She didn't live in my country at the time. When she moved back, I managed to quickly fuck this up after a few dates. So that was that. She wasn't my dream girl anyway it appeared, so no biggie. But still another blow. She was a model and my type in look department. But maybe a bit too immature.
I rarely really like a girl. I have a really specific things in looks that I dig. And for relationship, I have even more standards of course. I know I shouldn't and cannot settle.
But I'm no spring chicken any more and getting older day by day, so I really want my act together sooner rather than later. I also mostly like girls in the age of 23-27. So quite a few years younger than me.
So after the big project ended and the summer was over as well, I've fallen into depression again. Fallen out of shape again. I have a chronic health problem that means I’m in pain almost all the time when doing certain movements. So getting into shape again is a struggle.
People think I’m successful as I have built several awesome businesses but they don’t make me any money at the moment, so I’m broke and barely having money for basic expenses. I would like to do more self improvement but most of the time I'm too broke for it. That makes me more depressed. I guess I could also be bit better wih managing the expenses of course.
Because of my depression, I was unreliable and not very productive and also often snappy or angry, so I've got into bad terms in one of my main business partner. So that left me out from my main business that I've built for many years. He was to blame as well though, as often times he treated me pretty badly. But I'm the one who is out now. It feels as another rejection. And makes me in square one in my 30s a bit clueless win what direction to go in my professional life.
I’m still good looking (or so they tell me) and I don’t want to waste my years away.
I’m not great with meeting new women out of the blue. I think I've never cold approached anyone.
I'm self conscious and insecure. When I meet someone I am interested in, then I’m often shy to make anything happen as I have all this shit going on in my life (or in my head) and I just don’t feel good. So it’s hard to radiate the good energy out of me. I know that I’m totally capable of it deep down. Because when in the rare cases I’m able to do it, then I have people hitting me up left or right.
I'm not interested to have a different hook-up every day or weeknight. I'm interested in finding a partner in crime, a person I would click with. A person I would love and love me back. Sorry for he beta talk I know that in order to make that happen I have to get everything else in order. I seemed to go in that direction but now everything has backfired and I seem to move further and further from that state or mind or conditions...
It's not every day I feel like this but lately it's most of the time.
This is not how I imagined my life to be in my 30s. I’m strugglin almost in every area in my life right now. Mindsets, love life (or the lack of it, anxiety, depression or mood swings, money, carrier...
I have read quite a lot of materials and it's been eye opening. And also overwhelming. I certainly like this site and also the stuff Corey Wayne puts out and tons of other. Mark Manson for instance. Some Blackdragon and Reddit Red Pill stuff too although some of it makes me even more depressed, haha. So I've learned quite a lot of knowledge.
But the action part from me has been inconsistent. Have had a few successes but more backfires. Also, dealing with all this shit has taken a lot of energy. Something I didn't have so much to begin with during these times. So my professional life is a mess cause of it.
I don't really know what I hope to gain from this post. But getting my thoughts out might be good for something and help to organise them. If anyone has any comments or insights or advice or supporting words, I would of course highly appreciate it! Even if it to just "snap out of it".
I cannot really talk to anyone about it in person. And being alone with my thoughts sucks.Right now my main problem is that I haven't been able to get my ex out from my mind. I managed to do that but then something goes wrong in my plans and it reminds me how my life sucks compared to back then and she comes back to haunt me. I cannot imagine this still affects my life so long time after and that makes me more depressed.
I’m in my early 30s and broke up with my ex almost 1,5 years ago. She is in her mid 20s and we were together for 2 years. When I met her I was instantly attracted to her. She was exactly my cup of tea in the looks area and I later found out she was even much more in everything else. I didn’t know anything how attraction exactly works back then but looking back to it, I subconsciously did everything right. I also used to be quite confident. After a few weeks she was head over heels in love with me. I was just out from another relationship that wasn't working for me (even though she was a great girl too) and so I was also doubting things a bit, making her chase more and more so it all clicked. After a few months she asked me to come to live with her. It evolved into a deep and intense relationship. We both hadn’t felt such a connection before. I became close to her family and the whole package. I didn't imagine I could be so happy. And so was she.
But as I now have learned things sometimes go, things got rocky when we hit the 2 year mark. She showed so much love towards me all the time, that i got complacent and didn't court her as much as I used to. The honeymoon period started to fade. I was busy and stressed at work and got grumpy. She on the other hand had a lot of time on her hands and also stressed out in another way – about not being busy enough and not having her professional life figured out. I could now list a ton of things that went wrong just in the quite short period of time. So many stupid things from my part and some from her. Anyway the whole great relationship disintegrated within a short period of time. At first she was just mad at me. But then I became a needy emotional tampon and suddenly the sexual polarity entirely changed. I've always been the strong one and the leader in our relationship (or any relationship I had in the past) and she had been totally in her feminine the whole time. But then after this fight I tried to fix it, when she wanted space. That of course made it worse. And I also got to know she had started to fancy our mutual friend. A dude we both knew. I later found out he actually tried to hook up with her right before I did. But she chose me. He kept orbiting her the entire two years. I actually encouraged them to hang out and encouraged to get help from this dude, when I encouraged her to pursue her new interest in what this guy was pretty good at. So I felt extra betrayed and stupid. But instead of being offended and to turn away it somehow made me weak. Very weak. My emotions were all over the place. I couldn't believe this is happening. So I continued to do more and more things wrong and got dumped and she chose him.
Then in the after match of the breakup, she pulled me back 3-4 times in the course of 3-4 months. She was still attached to me. But she never let go of the other dude. And I didn't have my act together.
After a while I started to have something casual with other girls, that's especially when she got in touch. But I wasn't strong enough, was still needy, gave in too easily and so a year ago she chose the other dude for good. So I guess I could have maybe got her back when I had been stronger, having my act together and being less of an emotional wimp. I of course understand her ways more now after I have studied a lot of materials about women psychology. She was a textbook chick when to look back to it. Unfortunately in the tail end of our relationship and in the months following the breakup, I mostly acted out of emotions or followed advice that is dead wrong or I just couldn’t read the right stuff out if it with my mindset back then. I did one or two things right here and there, but was not consistent and fell back into the trap of neediness. When I read some of the stuff I wrote down during that time, I feel pretty damn embarrassed.
The cut was deep and I was very hurt. I'm still a mess, even after 1,5 years later.
It took me a long time to figure out why I was dumped and replaced. She gave me all sorts of hints and reasons, so I started to resent many those things in my life like my career and choices in life. But in the end I figured she used to love those things before. So in the real end I figured the number one reason for being dumped was me becoming weak and emotional. And she tried me out many times after the breakup, checking if I'm over this and became strong again. I was for a tiny bit but after small rejection or doubt from her, became emotional again. So she must have thought she is done with me for good.
I'm disappointed and angry at myself not so much for being dumped in the first place. As that forced me to learn many things about myself and about life and relationships.
But I'm angry for not getting my act together later those months.
Where am I know? I haven't talked to her for a long time. She is still with the other dude. That thing seem to have worked out for them. We share the same social circle somewhat, so I still hear about them, even if I try not to. It seems they're doing great. For me she doesn't seem the same person any more. She has changed her looks even.
About myself. I have dated a few girls. One case got messed up because of my ex pulled me back. In two cases I became needy. Then I've got some random hookups. I have got laid with more different girls during this year than I have had in the whole life before her. So in that sense it hasn't been that bad. Hehe. But it hasn't been mostly with the girls I would really really want. So it has made me more depressed. That certainly hasn’t made me happy. I haven’t found a connection I dig. I’m usually more depressed after a random hookup, so I have stopped them for now. I often feel lonely even though I have people around me. Social anxiety that I used to have a bit in the past has emerged again.
Last winter I got some momentum going. I got in a pretty good shape. I had a big work project going that kept me focused. I had one gorgeous girl interested in me that made me feel good. She didn't live in my country at the time. When she moved back, I managed to quickly fuck this up after a few dates. So that was that. She wasn't my dream girl anyway it appeared, so no biggie. But still another blow. She was a model and my type in look department. But maybe a bit too immature.
I rarely really like a girl. I have a really specific things in looks that I dig. And for relationship, I have even more standards of course. I know I shouldn't and cannot settle.
But I'm no spring chicken any more and getting older day by day, so I really want my act together sooner rather than later. I also mostly like girls in the age of 23-27. So quite a few years younger than me.
So after the big project ended and the summer was over as well, I've fallen into depression again. Fallen out of shape again. I have a chronic health problem that means I’m in pain almost all the time when doing certain movements. So getting into shape again is a struggle.
People think I’m successful as I have built several awesome businesses but they don’t make me any money at the moment, so I’m broke and barely having money for basic expenses. I would like to do more self improvement but most of the time I'm too broke for it. That makes me more depressed. I guess I could also be bit better wih managing the expenses of course.
Because of my depression, I was unreliable and not very productive and also often snappy or angry, so I've got into bad terms in one of my main business partner. So that left me out from my main business that I've built for many years. He was to blame as well though, as often times he treated me pretty badly. But I'm the one who is out now. It feels as another rejection. And makes me in square one in my 30s a bit clueless win what direction to go in my professional life.
I’m still good looking (or so they tell me) and I don’t want to waste my years away.
I’m not great with meeting new women out of the blue. I think I've never cold approached anyone.
I'm self conscious and insecure. When I meet someone I am interested in, then I’m often shy to make anything happen as I have all this shit going on in my life (or in my head) and I just don’t feel good. So it’s hard to radiate the good energy out of me. I know that I’m totally capable of it deep down. Because when in the rare cases I’m able to do it, then I have people hitting me up left or right.
I'm not interested to have a different hook-up every day or weeknight. I'm interested in finding a partner in crime, a person I would click with. A person I would love and love me back. Sorry for he beta talk
I know that in order to make that happen I have to get everything else in order. I seemed to go in that direction but now everything has backfired and I seem to move further and further from that state or mind or conditions...It's not every day I feel like this but lately it's most of the time.
This is not how I imagined my life to be in my 30s. I’m strugglin almost in every area in my life right now. Mindsets, love life (or the lack of it
, anxiety, depression or mood swings, money, carrier...I have read quite a lot of materials and it's been eye opening. And also overwhelming. I certainly like this site and also the stuff Corey Wayne puts out and tons of other. Mark Manson for instance. Some Blackdragon and Reddit Red Pill stuff too although some of it makes me even more depressed, haha. So I've learned quite a lot of knowledge.
But the action part from me has been inconsistent. Have had a few successes but more backfires. Also, dealing with all this shit has taken a lot of energy. Something I didn't have so much to begin with during these times. So my professional life is a mess cause of it.
