Struggling to get a coworker alone--thanks in advance for any help

[PatriotsRule]

Hey everyone,

I work at a restaurant and hang out with coworkers at bars/house parties a few nights a week. One girl is definitely interested but what i thought would be a quick escalation has become a long dragged out process of hardly any results, and im starting to get over it to the point where im about done taking any further lead on the matter and instead just going to chill and wait for the "right moment" (gag...) while i pursue other women. We flirt and touch and go back and forth etc, but ive only had her alone ONCE in a few weeks. The one time we made out in a bedroom at a party but she left the room to go back to the party, before it got too heavy i guess). Anyway she seems very out of her comfort zone with the idea of us alone together, she agreed to grab a drink once but flaked at the last minute (knew thatd happen too, i could sense it coming). Im pretty much done with the invites out and all that, i dont want to chase she has enough people giving her over the top attention as it is so i am playing it laid back, but any advice on getting her alone without chasing? Shes definitely interested i think, given her investment and general ioi's so i really think this all boils down to a single logistical sticking point. Hoping to turn this into, at least, a good learning experience for future friend/circle/coworker game, and at best, a great lay with a sexy tatted up bartender

Thanks for reading/responding in advance, yall

 

[Doctor]

I'm not sure to be honest. I have played this game a few times and ended up losing. I seem to be Ok with periphery social circle girls but when it is someone who is close social circle or a co-worker girls just seem to slow everything almost to a stop.

Anyway like I said I haven't had any success with diffusing this caution. And I know what you mean about struggling to get them alone, it's like close social circle girls are almost afraid of letting themselves be alone with me?! Just wanted to say I am following this thread with interest if anyone has some advice as there are some hot girls in my close social circle!

 

[PatriotsRule]

Yeah i think my strategy at this point is just going to be to flirt along and all that but nothing more, like dont propose any dates anymore, nothing tangible (for lack of a better word..), and then just try to keep an eye out for the moment to strike when it presents itself. Make it more of a spontaneous thing as opposed to being proactive about getting her out. Unfortunately this is not how i would like to play it but it seems at this point this is the best approach to keep myself out of the friend/rejection zone. Play it sort of like if she wants a piece she knows where its at, while i try to keep my eye on other girls too (i have sort of zeroed in on her since she expressed interest and the lack of results is making me want to branch back out again)

What do you guys think? Good strategy? Any advice to add to it? Honestly i wouldnt mind if we just became friends but i really also want to sleep with her because im not yet one with the abundance so i think this is the best way to play it at this point

 

[bassman]

Hey Ben, I personally got away from trying to hook up or get serious with any girls in my social circle. It's not impossible but it's just never going to work out like you want it to and instead of helping your abundance mentality it will likely worsen it because you now have invested too much into this girl by being her friend first.

Now peripheral social circle is a totally different story. I'll tell you my experience. Two years ago when I had just broke off a five year relationship, I immediately started going out with as many single friends as I could getting back into party mode to numb the pain. One of my best friends started dating this 20 yr old hottie and all of a sudden I found myself (26 at the time) surrounded by a plethora of young girls. Not realizing that by being in that long of a relationship I had lost almost all of what little skill I had with girls. To make a long story short I repeatedly mucked it up with every girl I "chased". So after repeated failure and about to throw the towel in and become a full blown alcoholic I had an epiphany (it's seems like I always get my best ideas when I hit the end of my chain, this was before I found this site).

I though wait, why don't I just become really good friends with the last few girls I hadn't messed it up with yet and wait for them to bring the girls to me. And by god it worked. Looking back now it makes total sense how this worked. By totally flipping the script with these girls, I no longer let myself look at them as a girl to be had or to be chased. I forced myself to see them as silly cute girls that I could just have fun and party with.

By taking on this mentality they stuck to me like magnets, and more than likely could have bedded a couple if I wanted after this change. One actually yanked me in a bed room at a party and started making out with me, (think of a girl man handling a guy lol) but I had built a mentality to where she was just another one of "my boys" so I stopped her and laughed and playfully called her silly. But my plan was much more intricate than that. I kept these girls basically as orbiters and as they would meet new girls I would pick and choose which to make my move on. In the end it lead to me hooking up with more girls in the 2013 year than I had in my whole life before!! It defiantly started an abundance mentality for me at the time because these girls I made my friends gave me shit loads of pre-qualification.

Anyway, that's how it worked for me. I know it goes against the "being just friends" with girls rules, but there was a much bigger plan at work for me here and I had laid it out before I even started. It led to me being much more experienced with girls than was before, but I still need to improve on cold approach a lot. So I am still learning. Mostly trying to build my fundamentals to a rock solid foundation that I can take with me through the rest of my life.

 

[Franco]

Ben,

and instead of helping your abundance mentality it will likely worsen it because you now have invested too much into this girl by being her friend first.

I just wanted to mirror this sentiment here. The only way to improve your abundance mentality is to start with cold approaching. Until you learn how to approach women, you will never be able to start working toward an abundance mentality.

That being said, feel free to experiment with social circle pick-up when you see opportunities, but don't try to skip approaching new women altogether or you'll find yourself lacking the right mentality to do well with women in general.

- Franco

 

[PatriotsRule]

Hey guys,

Thanks for the advice. Ended up working with her this weekend, then we went out as a group after and pulled two numbers at the bar while she was off to the side playing foosball lol sucks to suck. First cold approach number ive pulled since starting to read girlschase too, i just did the are you single direct approach and got a chicks number in three minutes, she even did the "well i sort of have a boyfriend" thing and introduced me to her friend sitting with her but i just powered through that shit and when i asked for the number she was so down to give it to me i damn near asked to keep it a challenge. Haha but yeah i found it pretty funny like sorry honey your times up, have fun with foosball