Struggling with starting over/moving on

[Verisimilitude]

Hey all, it's been a while, and I could really use your help.

Full disclosure: I hate these types of posts where a guy goes crazy over one girl. Dude, move on already, she doesn't want you! But hopefully I can show you guys why I feel that this is different (or at least worth posting here). Also, I really do need help with this.

First, I dated this girl for a year. I used the techniques I learned from this site, and got the type of girl I wanted. She was an athlete at my school, and planning on going to an ivy league law school Unfortunately, I wasn't as experienced with relationships. It was a very up and down emotional experience for me (because it was my second major relationship), but I felt amazing when I was with her.

Second, it's been 4 months, and I've had no contact with this girl. Now she's coming back for the summer, and she's still on my mind. I don't know if she's dating anyone, or what her life is like now. She isn't on my phone, or in my pics, but she's still in my thoughts. I'm out of ideas.

Third, we broke up due to distance. She moved away, and I ended it because of that. We've also had sex since when she came back on a break. Life broke us apart, not relationship issues

Finally, I've had no trouble getting with girls. I've been with at least a girl a month since I broke up with her, and while I like these girls, it doesn't feel the same. I felt something different when I was with my ex, like a feeling deep down in my chest like we belonged with one another. I haven't had that feeling at all with any other girl, and it really bothers me.

So I can get steady sex whenever I want. But I can't get MEANINGFUL sex again, and that scares me. Dating has become much less fun, as I can't get a connection with other girls, even ones who are incredible and high quality women. I met a girl who was also an ivy leaguer and brilliant, but I broke it off because I didn't have the same feelings for her.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I know what I want (which is the first problem). I could try to get her back this summer, as circumstances have changed and we could see each other regularly, and we'd eventually end up in the same city after dating long distance for a year or so. But part of me also wants to find another girl that I feel this way with, because otherwise I know I'll be obsessed with my ex, and will end up losing her due to that (I can't think she's that special if I'm going to date her).

So what I want to know is: if I decide to move on, how do I do so? Has anyone else had this type of experience? If so, what you did to feel emotionally attached to girls again? How do I have fun dating and have meaningful sex again?

I really feel like I'm out of options here, and I don't know where to turn. Thanks guys. Good to be back.

-V

 

[Fuck This]

Someone once told me we fall in love with a person because we like the way we feel about OURSELVES when we are with them.

Think about that...

My guess is that you feel like you are settling when you have sex with girls. Perhaps it is time to up your standards?

What you are experiencing is Parallel to the mindset of a hunter as they develop.

Hunters pass through five (or Six) distinct stages over their hunting lives in terms of their view of "successful" hunting.
Shooter Stage. ...
Limiting-Out Stage. ...
Trophy Stage. ...
Method Stage. ...
Sportsman Stage.

 

[Rain]

Hi,

I've not had longterm relationship like you, but way shorter term and ended up with similar oneitis type feeling. The difference is, in the moment I had that connection, but also wanted someone who I thought was more attractive attractive, where as you hadn't lost any interest with her in regards to looks.

You have found other women who are attractive, but are missing the connection part? Trying to quantify a connection, is very hard to put into words. They make you feel a certain way. But what is it... is it their mannerisms... is it the clothes they wear, is it their scent so its a subconscious level? It sounds like its not just raw looks if you're getting similar looking women but not feeling that connection. I remember hearing about 5 types or 7 types of love or something, and it depends how your parent or parents? treated you, so if this person treats you similar, that forms part of a connection? I don't have a link for that, the woman who told me it years ago maybe it was a book.

Maybe you can only feel a connection for one person at a time, and until that's broken from your ex, you won't feel it for anyone else? I don't know if that's a fact or theory only.

Have you ever had this connection with someone who was not your type looks wise?

Have you ever had this connection with someone else before you met this particular woman?

 

[Verisimilitude]

Someone once told me we fall in love with a person because we like the way we feel about OURSELVES when we are with them.

Great quote. Yeah I definitely felt great about myself when I was with her, like I was what I've wanted to be all the way since high school. But if it's based on MY feelings, I have control over it, and I don't need her. Thanks for this!


As to the second part, nope I've definitely had sex with prettier girls than her (at least according to my friends), but it just hasn't felt the same.

You have found other women who are attractive, but are missing the connection part?

Exactly. I met this amazing Latina girl who had a perfect body (she talked about getting a boob reduction), but I just couldn't get into her. The connection wasn't there.

Have you ever had this connection with someone who was not your type looks wise?

Have you ever had this connection with someone else before you met this particular woman?

No to both. It's hard because I feel like I'm looking for someone who's exactly like she was, rather than following my own interests.