Stuck in cold/aloof mode…

[Motiv]

I've been wondering how many of you found yourselves stuck feeling forced to play cold/aloof in order to cover your extreme lack of comfort in an unfamiliar environment (say, a dance club, for example), and how long did it take to acclimate yourselves? I find myself pretending to be busy (usually by typing on my phone) all too often in bars/clubs just to stave off the creepy/awkward vibe of a single guy with nothing to do… meanwhile doing my best to passively absorb what's going on around me. I think we call this lack of social calibration.

The weird part is how this sometimes works for getting approached: last night, the girl I was sort of with finally dragged me out onto the dance floor for ten minutes until she got a phone call, and after I returned to sitting, another girl practically lunged at me and nudged herself into my side. I did my best to be cool and give her some touch on the elbows and around her waist, but I didn't want to send the girl I was with into complete auto-rejection— just hopefully spike her interest with a little pre-selection. She ended up leaving without me (or even telling me), and I let her go to avoid chasing. I think she was a little pissed seeing me with the other girl, but she is the one who has been trying to beta zone me with requests for shoveling her out of snow banks and making her scrambled eggs. I will have to write a FR on her to consolidate everything.

 

[Ross]

This was a big sticking point for me as well. I dove so hard into the law of least effort that I was outputting zero effort when I went out.

It's all about figuring out what you want to do, and then doing it. Want to dance with a girl? Go out on the dance floor and dance. Want to talk to a girl and bring her home? Socialize. Just going with the flow and outputting zero effort may show that you don't care, but it will get you absolutely nowhere with women, as no one wants to put out loads and loads of effort. It's all about making things easier for both parties involved.

 

[Franco]

VP,

If you're a newcomer to the nightclub/bar scene, this article is an oldie but goodie that will give you a whole new perspective:

See the Room

Enjoy. =)

- Franco

 

[Motiv]

VP,

If you're a newcomer to the nightclub/bar scene, this article is an oldie but goodie that will give you a whole new perspective:

See the Room

Enjoy. =)

- Franco

Thank you, Ross and Franco— that article nailed it! As it is, I think I'm already up to the point of working out re-integration. As a 35 year old man who has never clubbed in his life until two weeks ago, I automatically see the practical side of the "room", but I also see a whop load of young crazy's being nuts... at least my first impression. I'm trying hard to spit out the snobbish mindset and learn to just chill. TBH, I'm not really interested in dancing, but the best action for me happened when I was posing in the lounge chair with my phone whipped out and that little hottie just jumped right into me... that was new and pleasant!!

Good thing is that I've made a girl who's a friend who loves to go to clubs (27 year old from Serbia), so I will be going more and more with this new social group. =)

-VP