Since I've been doing daygame, instant date seem to have statistics like 2 hours game. I'm used to blow up the opportunity by wasting too much time by hesitating escalation(mostly from hand holding) or by frustrated after girls reject my physical escalation. I'm trying to ignore and build more comfort and connect and escalate again later, but it's not working for me to persist or too short to build comfort to escalate. And few hours of failing escalation girls always say they have to go. That's why I'm believing instant date have time to escalate in about 2 hours. I know I need to ignore her rejection and build comfort and try, but I'm still terrible getting sense of this 'persistence'. Or my entire daygame have trouble?
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2017
- Messages
- 307
So one of the things you will discover as an intermediate guy and as you become increasingly more calibrated is that there is a line between persistence and overagression.
I just went on a date tonight where I got the girl back to my place, got the music going, had her on top of me making out and super into it, but couldn't get any further. Honestly, I could have handled the escalation better, I think I made mistakes. I like to think there is a world where I could have made this a first night lay, although I'm not sure. But regardless I messed some things up and it clearly wasn't going to happen. Rather than getting all rapey and trying to push the issue, which I could tell wasn't going to work with this girl, I let her leave on a "we'll see each other again vibe". Now, was this a perfect date? No, because I didn't get laid. I definitely made some mistakes. But we really connected during conversation so I think there is a better than 50% chance that I see this girl again, and probably a better than 50% chance I get laid if I do
Its always better to go for the first date lay if you can get it. And you SHOULD go for it. Listen to Chase's advice about moving fast. But sometimes you need to recognize when its not going to happen and bail out before you push the issue too much. If you really try and push it and a girl shuts you down and leaves your odds are practically zilch of making it happen later.
In order of priority:
1) Get laid first date
2) Quicker informational first date where you don't make a move
3) Make a move and don't get the home run but you end things smoothly
4) Try to steal home (get laid over her objections) get thrown out to end the game
If you're failing at escalation obviously you need to work on your escalation skills, and there are a lot of good articles about that. But one of the other things to consider is that you might simply need to go in for the kill on the second or third date in some of these scenarios.
In a perfect world you are getting in there the first time you meet a girl, but that's not always realistic, especially if you are at the beginner or intermediate stages. I'm very good at my one particular niche of dating and I probably average date 1.5 for my most recent year
I just went on a date tonight where I got the girl back to my place, got the music going, had her on top of me making out and super into it, but couldn't get any further. Honestly, I could have handled the escalation better, I think I made mistakes. I like to think there is a world where I could have made this a first night lay, although I'm not sure. But regardless I messed some things up and it clearly wasn't going to happen. Rather than getting all rapey and trying to push the issue, which I could tell wasn't going to work with this girl, I let her leave on a "we'll see each other again vibe". Now, was this a perfect date? No, because I didn't get laid. I definitely made some mistakes. But we really connected during conversation so I think there is a better than 50% chance that I see this girl again, and probably a better than 50% chance I get laid if I do
Its always better to go for the first date lay if you can get it. And you SHOULD go for it. Listen to Chase's advice about moving fast. But sometimes you need to recognize when its not going to happen and bail out before you push the issue too much. If you really try and push it and a girl shuts you down and leaves your odds are practically zilch of making it happen later.
In order of priority:
1) Get laid first date
2) Quicker informational first date where you don't make a move
3) Make a move and don't get the home run but you end things smoothly
4) Try to steal home (get laid over her objections) get thrown out to end the game
If you're failing at escalation obviously you need to work on your escalation skills, and there are a lot of good articles about that. But one of the other things to consider is that you might simply need to go in for the kill on the second or third date in some of these scenarios.
In a perfect world you are getting in there the first time you meet a girl, but that's not always realistic, especially if you are at the beginner or intermediate stages. I'm very good at my one particular niche of dating and I probably average date 1.5 for my most recent year
- Joined
- May 12, 2016
- Messages
- 231
There's blind aggression and persistence. It's like strategy "spray and pray" in any shooting games. You shoot towards the direction you think your enemy is and hope that a bullet hits.
And there's calculated aggression and persistence.
I'd recommend talking more of a calculated risk which I'll give general principles that can help your rejection go down a bit.
1. Steps Forward, And Two Steps Back.
This is where you keep escalating slowly until you hit a wall with her. And you go 2 steps back and start from there while getting her more comfortable and try it again.
Example
A. Holding her Hands
B. Touching her legs
C. You try to kiss (She turns her head away)
You go back to A. B. And keep having fun with her and try again when the mood is good again.
2. Verbalize before you physically escalate
Principle: (After she gets comfortable with your presence, you just hint something might happen)
Example: I'm talking and talking to her, and I bring out a chap stick.
Me: (One second (Puts on chap-stick) I just need to make sure my lips are kissable just incase. (Playful Delivery) Anyways, back to what I was saying.. so my friend..)
If she stays around and doesn't verbally resist you, she's basically cool with the idea of kissing you.
Therefore, it won't hit her out of nowhere, if you try to kiss her down the road. Even if she resists you, she'll know what she was getting herself into.
And from there, it's only a matter of time. And just go back to "Step Forward and Two Steps back Method" until it happens.
Just don't escalate like a machine gun meaning, forward forward resist forward forward RESIST HARDER forward forward OKAY BYE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME.
Hope this helps
And there's calculated aggression and persistence.
I'd recommend talking more of a calculated risk which I'll give general principles that can help your rejection go down a bit.
1. Steps Forward, And Two Steps Back.
This is where you keep escalating slowly until you hit a wall with her. And you go 2 steps back and start from there while getting her more comfortable and try it again.
Example
A. Holding her Hands
B. Touching her legs
C. You try to kiss (She turns her head away)
You go back to A. B. And keep having fun with her and try again when the mood is good again.
2. Verbalize before you physically escalate
Principle: (After she gets comfortable with your presence, you just hint something might happen)
Example: I'm talking and talking to her, and I bring out a chap stick.
Me: (One second (Puts on chap-stick) I just need to make sure my lips are kissable just incase. (Playful Delivery) Anyways, back to what I was saying.. so my friend..)
If she stays around and doesn't verbally resist you, she's basically cool with the idea of kissing you.
Therefore, it won't hit her out of nowhere, if you try to kiss her down the road. Even if she resists you, she'll know what she was getting herself into.
And from there, it's only a matter of time. And just go back to "Step Forward and Two Steps back Method" until it happens.
Just don't escalate like a machine gun meaning, forward forward resist forward forward RESIST HARDER forward forward OKAY BYE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME.
Hope this helps