Sucking at Flirting

[Zoro]

I seem to be missing something in my understanding of flirting.

I know what it feels like. I can and do flirt, but most often only when it born out of natural chemistry. In other words, its unconscious.

I want to move out of conscious incompetence. Right now my attempts at flirting are more like compliments.

And yes, I have read the flirting articles here and have looked elsewhere. I feel like a dense headed dunce, but I know I am destined to be a master of the flirt.

Perhaps this issue stems from my natural tendency to adore women. I absolute relish in the beauty that is the feminine. I must act aloof not to show them they have already won me over (though of course not entirely, gotta make sure they ain't batshitcrazy) which dilutes my true nature and affection. I'm desiring to explore an expression of myself that is more congruent with this passion, but of course I must play the game for the sake of the seduction and the sheer fun.

Help?

 

[Fuck This]

I've found that I've gotten Flirtier, dealing with female friends who are unavailable.
Here is how it works.
We are familiar with each others personalities and at ease with one another. So we can banter without much consequence.
Their reactions are more honest, less restrained.
This lets me try out new "material" and gauge the reactions.
But of course the mood has to be right, like in a group having beers after a run.
It is not full on "hitting on them" but more like some innuendo ...

Really the more comfortable you are socializing with girls the easier it will be to but that sexual intent forward when you find one you are interested in.

 

[Savage]

I'm going to guess that the problem here is caused by your goal: to become conscious of how to flirt. Which then causes your flirting to tank by the very act of thinking about it.

The answer isn't to stop trying to do it consciously, or to "stop trying too hard" or whatever. Flirt consciously over and over and fall flat on your face. Overtime it will naturally adopt into you by learning the ins and outs.


Tips to help this process are:

1. Watch a lot of movies with sexy characters. Write down their lines and use them where applicable. Yes, Girlschase is against using canned routines and lines. I am too. But when you don't know where to start, this truly helps. Some places to start are: Vampire Diaries, Californication (will really match your style, Hank Moody truly loves women for who they are), Van Wilder, James Bond.

2. Watch comedians and romantic comedies with sexy male characters. Develop your sense of humor, but in a warm way. So cold sarcasm isn't really something you want to develop for seduction. The actual definition of flirting is to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement. Wit is part of that some times.

3. Focus on vocal tone. You can say something flirty in a monotone voice, and it'll be creepy. Have a flirtatious tonality. Again, watch movie characters and see how they do this.


I used to blow at flirting. I watched Californication everyday, wrote down most of his lines. I used them whenever I could in conversation, and it fell flat as I tried to capture his vibe and style. I knew I got it down when a few months ago, I girl I was hanging out with watched the show with me, said Hank Moody really reminded her of me. I finally succeeded.

Good luck big hitter.

 

[Zoro]

I'm revisiting this, as I've come to some realizations.

Basically I realized I am decent, if not pretty damn good, at flirting... I just am working on going past relying on being "lucky" and vibing well with a girl to do it. In other words, I'd like to recreate this "vibing" with girls I'm attracted to with whom this vibe isn't already there, instead of falling into interview mode.

What I've learned is...

You've got to lead. Duh. But I was making the mistake of saying something flirty and then passing the ball to her. This works well with girls who I'm vibing well with and who like me, but falls flat with on-the-fence girls. Their frame is "lets see what happens/what he does", so I pass her the ball and she drops it and looks at me like "what were we playing again?"

So with them, maybe its better to show her the frame and then continue moving along, saying something flirty and then leading the conversation, so she doesn't have to drop the ball - she doesn't even have it. She doesn't have to decide whether or not she wants to submit to my frame just yet, (she's not ready to?) because I don't leave the frame hanging there like a hoop to jump through the same way I do with girls who are into me and eager to jump in.

For instance - Real example, of girl who jumps into my frame.
JW- Oh, you're like some russian spy with that scanner gun.
Girl- Oh yeah, I'm on a mission. Watch out!

Real example of girl who didn't jump. (this one was texting)
JW:But you weren't dancing. It wasn;t a realistic dream. I would have had you dance for me right away.
GIrl-hmmm.

So either I cut the thread so she doesn't have to decide, or I show her what to decide by leading her there?

This isn't really field tested yet, but I wanted to write it down, so I could clearly remember it and start doing this.

Another example of what not to do, is with a wing I daygame with...

He sometimes will tell a girl (girls who are on the fence about him) he thinks she's cute or has a great smile and then just lay on the pressure with a smile, waiting for her to do something. This put a lot of them into a "ok..." kind of response. I think it'd be better if he led them somehow afterwards, so they don't have to sit there and think "do I like that/am I okay with this." I guess it would be okay, if he wanted to polarize the interactions quickly, but I know this isn't what he is doing. Good thing his game is well rounded otherwise haha