Sudden flake

[Desperado]

Hey guys,

I've been reading the articles of girlschase for years now and I really love Chase's work being an analytical guy myself. However, this time I was compelled to ask something directly to the community (or Chase himself), because I am pretty confused about a flake which has ocurred.

Short summary:

Met this girl in a conservative environment, I actually noticed her before during other times and I always felt she liked me. This time she stared at me hard and awkwardly (being really nervous) got within proximity, so I got her number. Anyway when I reached out by phone, she would be difficult to communicate, playing hard to get, I figured. When I pulled back she desperately tried to pull me in, even double texting me at times. Being a fast mover as advocated by Chase I tried to set up a date. She flaked on the first date, stating that she had visitors at home and could not leave. She acted super regretful and I made it no big deal, told her she should help me with making a date possible. At that point she got really excited telling me she wants to meet up "tomorrow". She kept doing the double texting thing and sent blatant interest. I figured it was alright and went to sleep. The next day I tried calling her, she didn't pick up. I figured she was working so I texted her to tell me when I can call, in order to get the logistics done. After 2 hours of no responses I knew this would be a flake so I didn't bother. A couple of days later I tried to ping her with "are we cool?" with a friendly and cheeky smily. Keeping it light hearted because I knew how nervous she can be. Again, no response. At that point I didn't bother anymore. I have a feeling she will feel attraction and chase me the moment she sees me in the physical form, but that would be like eating a pizza which has been delivered too late. Not a good thing.

I'm still curious though, what the hell happened? According to Chase's article it's probably not an "interest" thing. Why would she ignore me all of a sudden after behaving so interested?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

I am going to take a guess here. She likes you, and wants to go out with you, but on the face of it, it has to be coming from you, for her own self esteem. This is generally the case with girls, the "how it looks like" matters a lot.

Tell me if you think this plausibly describes what you experienced. She was throwing herself at you. You immediately fired back a date request, and it looked like it's because she was begging you. She felt bad, thought "oh this guy doesn't like me", then auto rejected.

Keep this in mind if something like this ever happen again. She's throwing herself at you. To avoid the situation above, you first start by engaging her over text and ask about her, her life, what she enjoys doing etc... and display some genuine interest. She feels you like her. THEN you ask her out. It will look much better for her self esteem.

For now, I would leave it some time, a week or so. Then re-engage with a ping text "hey, how are you?". See if she get the bait. If not, don't insist. Otherwise, chat her a little and display interest. If she warms up, ask her out again.

Let me know if this is helpful.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Desperado]

Thanks for the comprehensive feedback Seppuku. You might have a point, she always insisted on not having seen me before, despite the fact that I know she did. She certainly knew me by reputation as well. Might have to do with saving face. Regardless, she did NOT throw herself on me over the phone. I DID however act extremely confident, because this is how I usually am. When she stalled conversation I told her not to make things more difficult as I know she likes me. To be honest I really felt insulted because I thought there is another guy, or she rejects me in cold blood. Being a really prideful person that would have been the end for me. It still amazes me how she said yes and I got nothing but radiosilence the next day. If its about attainability issues I think this is worth a shot. My last contact was this sunday, so I reckon I text her saturday or monday. She had a really nervous expression, didnt seem like a game player at all...

Also, I have been ignored twice now on the day of the date and last sunday when I pinged. If I text again, won't I be chasing?

 

[Seppuku]

Regardless, she did NOT throw herself on me over the phone

Over the phone she could just be shy. But she did awkwardly approach you when you took her number, then she had this excited "double texting" thing.

If you have a "reputation" and feel confident, it could be also because she's shy, inexperienced, maybe more conservative and somewhat scared. That would be attainability like you say. Taking a softer approach would help.

Yes you're right, texting her again would be chasing. That's why you should keep it silent for now and discreetly re-approach after like a week. In the meantime, she could be the one initiating text again.

Keep us posted!
Seppuku

 

[Desperado]

Her texting me would be lovely, but I wouldn't count on it. Sure, I'll keep you informed. Let's see how it works out. I appreciate you taking your time for me.

The things we do for love.

 

[Desperado]

Follow up post: I did send a message today despite that my gut said it would be unanswered. Seems this was not an attainability issue. I still have no idea what happened after her being quite desperate for my attention, BUT I do not fret. This is a girl I will encounter sooner or later and the digital and real world are worlds apart. By just staying centered and maintaining my positive vibe in real life, she will probably chase again, because there was a real initial spark. I made much worse mistakes in the past and easily redeemed myself with passive action. Also it was her triggering my attention instead of the other way around. I have a big feeling that she will feel a different value dynamic when we see eachother in real life again, because you can do so much more with non-verbals and social grace. I always did have options but I think I got caught off guard because of her nervousity and her determination to pull me back in when I tried to cut contact. I do have my answer now though, a flake is a flake. There is no reason to over analyze it in the future. It's the only thing I can conclude and actually what I wanted to know. It's spring now, there are plenty of new opportunities.