Suicidal feelings expressed by girl in text. How to cut contact?

[KJ Francis]

Hi guys. After a multi-year health setback, I got back into meeting girls this year around February. I'm a beginner, past total novice. One of the first dates I had since this restart point seven months ago was this girl in her early 30's with low self esteem and low sex drive.

Practical Female Psychology book says RUN from LSE LD, but I read this after meeting her. I was also in low abundance at this time. She seemed introverted and a bit sad with just a couple friends. She was one of the prettiest girls I had gone out with (back then - no longer the case).

I have NOT fucked her and know it would be a disaster for this girl to have any more emotions, so was 80% not going to persist to full sex and now am 100% not going to.

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Ok so I fingered this girl and she creamed a lot. Soon after she had unrelated painful gynecological issues. They are real and she went through a lot of doctor visits. So no sex, but I kept seeing her every couple weeks, then once a month - almost all dates for walks in parks. We always make out and I've sucked on her tits a bunch of times.

I've fucked 10 new girls since meeting her (four in August) plus other blowjobs and many other dates. There were I think three weeks this summer with 5-7 dates each of those weeks. So I am NOT purely hung up on this girl. The low abundance feelings are pretty much GONE (that made me want to keep meeting to make out and maybe eventually fuck her after her health issues cleared up), but obviously there will be somewhat of an attachment after all this time.

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To me, we are friends who kiss sometimes. I just straight up told her I am fucking multiple girls several months ago. She still says shit like how can I know I won't eventually want to be with just her. Any time I have to leave she is very clingy and pleads for more time. I found it FASCINATING a slim, pretty girl who I know is still active on online dating is still hanging around when we haven't fucked. She told me about only one date and said she just wished she was with me instead. Maybe I like/liked the validation, but part of it is for sure wanting to get the reference points of this rare dynamic, fully expecting to experience a fizzle out or something. I wanted to feel a girl fall out of love since I am not needy in this situation and can observe the phenomenon with a clear-ish head.

Instead, as I've pulled away, she's become chaotic. It's basically anger, frustration, and sadness (one or two times brief tears) that I am putting time into my "sexual connections" instead of "our connection". I know she has had FWBs in the past and gets real upset it doesn't turn into more. So I am guessing she has a 10-20 lay count. I don't think an attractive guy who got to know her sufficiently would decide to date her in a LTR. She is very insecure. In person I hold frame and always get her into a good mood. So I guess I'm not surprised she wants me in her life. I text her the bare minimum.

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Alright so each time I see her (less and less frequent) it's more and more complaining about me being distant. I'm pretty checked out now and really don't even know if her medical issues are fully cleared.

BIG LESSON: Learn how to SCREEN

QUESTION: How do I get out while minimizing damage to her?

I think if I just ghosted her now, she would cry for weeks. She routinely tries to guilt trip me like I am causing her negative feelings, so I think this is a bullshit mention of suicide. But I have to at least seriously consider how to delicately move forward.

Here are her texts from after midnight last night (technically today). I am on vacation in bad signal area (she knows this), but should probably reply soon. Thanks so much to anyone with advice.

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12:50am
Anyways...we'll plan to hang out after I'm back then?
I'd like to see you even though it seems you don't always want me to stay.
Or do you not want that?
Because I really don't know how you feel. It seems I always want to see you, but I don't know if you feel the same.
So I don't know if you just want to push me away or what
But you are successfully pushing me away

8:50am
Sorry for all the texts. I was just feeling upset. Are we still okay?

9:15am
And do you think we could work on improving things with us? It feels things have been going bad for some time

9:45am
I just want things to get better and for us to have less bad times

11:05 (referring to a trip she is taking)
Plus I want to get away because I've been feeling kind of suicidal and not wanting to live

11:15am
I'm hoping that going away will help cure the bad mood I've been having for a long time now and that I'll find hope to want to keep living
But it seems you don't care how bad I've been doing nor do you understand

1:40pm
So are we still good? You've been more quiet..

5:30pm
..?

6pm
Why are you ignoring?

 

[Chase]

@Francis,

I'm sure you've gotten some good lessons out of this.

At this point, she's a charity case for you. She knows you're a lot higher value than she is in the relationship, but doesn't want to let you go. For your part, you are leading her on by continuing to see her like this.

You're not going to shag her and you're not going to make her your girlfriend. "Waiting for her to fall out of love" is not doing her any favors. You need to be the one to pull the trigger here.

If I was you I would just tell her yeah, let's meet up when you get back and talk more then. We shouldn't talk about heavy stuff over text, it's really terrible for that.

Then whenever you next meet her, you need to tell her look, we can't keep doing this. I'm leading you on and it's really unfair to you. Our personalities just do not mesh. The biggest thing is where our heads are at... I'm trying to do a lot of stuff and confident, and you're struggling with depression and self-esteem issues. You should relate to her, tell her you've been there if you have, tell her you know it is tough, but that right now the two of you are simply at totally different levels. You couldn't have a relationship with her given how far apart the two of you are; it would just be you comforting her all the time. You need to find someone more on your level. She should find someone on her level -- or else she should improve her level.

I would end that by just encouraging her to get her depression / self-esteem fixed. Can even tell her if she fixes that to look you up again. Tell her she has so much good stuff going for her, but until she learns to recognize that and take pride in herself and feel confident about herself it won't work between the two of you.

It's the most honest thing you can say, and ideally it places her on a path toward self-improvement so she can get out of the hole she's stuck in.

Chase

 

[Skills]

My advice is just to ghost and cut all type of contact....if she gets desperate and try to kill herself read text to dispatcher send police to her house they will take her to hospital for 3 days...

 

[POB]

My guess is this is just an attempt of attention grab, so you fall for her guilty trap to keep seeing her.
Suicidal people just go out and do it.
They don't advertise their plans.

I'd follow Chase's advice: one last meet where you lay down everything and part away for good.
Then (if needed) block her and move on with your life.

 

[Skills]

my advice is field tested:

Break Ups - Called the police on a girl threatening with suicide

One of the girls i was seeing that was extremely/deeply in love with me, I broke it up, cut all contact as i recommend you do after break up, but she send a text saying she was going to have a 50/50 life ending surgery, so due to that i violated my not contact with exes rule, and saw her once...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Will_V]

Cutting all contact with no warning is very hard on her and to be avoided in my experience. Gotta have the talk first. This one's a bit strange since you didn't sleep together but personally I would go with Chase's approach and let her down lightly.

@Skills with your example you did talk to her in person and tell her you were done though right? That's really all there is to it but it's an important step to give her peace of mind.

 

[Skills]

Cutting all contact with no warning is very hard on her and to be avoided in my experience. Gotta have the talk first. This one's a bit strange since you didn't sleep together but personally I would go with Chase's approach and let her down lightly.

@Skills with your example you did talk to her in person and tell her you were done though right? That's really all there is to it but it's an important step to give her peace of mind.

No ghosted talking to her is a mistake, they will guilt shame you cry etc... Waste of time just ghost....I got a suicidal text that scared me read to dispatcher, they send police to welfare check..... Cut contact is manipulation..

 

[Will_V]

No ghosted talking to her is a mistake, they will guilt shame you cry etc... Waste of time just ghost....I got a suicidal text that scared me read to dispatcher, they send police to welfare check..... Cut contact is manipulation..

Oh fair enough I thought you'd mentioned in the post you linked that you'd told her it was over between you, I must've misread.

For me if I care about a girl enough to see her multiple times then I will not just ghost out of the blue, doesn't seem fair. I'll give her a chance to cry her eyes out while I tell her why I can't keep seeing her, then I'll move on.

 

[Rakehell]

Suicidal people just go out and do it.
They don't advertise their plans.

I'd follow Chase's advice: one last meet where you lay down everything and part away for good.
Then (if needed) block her and move on with your life.

This

 

[Skills]

My guess is this is just an attempt of attention grab, so you fall for her guilty trap to keep seeing her.
Suicidal people just go out and do it.
They don't advertise their plans.

This and Prego is textbook... again is manipulation... after dealing with a girl that use dread game never again... they use the I am weak defenseless cute little thing that needs protection game...Got trapped once into dread game never again... I am embarrassed got tricked... Also the girl that did it to me took pills when police there so she didn't even do it right.... As you say is bs I am also into crime type channels a bunch of killers that wanted to kill themselves end up killing everyone else and ups! They always either about to kill themselves or do it wrong.... Total cope tbh...I need to edit that post I didn't save her she didn't even do it right...she probably wanted me to know she attempted so i can fall back in line....

 

[POB]

On a second thought, when dealing with psychos, it's best to just block and move on.
I had one of those trying to mess with my life 5-6 years ago.
Blocked her on everything and forgot she even existed.
In a week I was reverting back to my normal self.
It's amazing how much those loonies can take away of your own mental health in a short amount of time.
Not worth it.

 

[KJ Francis]

Hey, I can't thank you all enough. It was amazing to get responses from the senior guys here. I can't think of anywhere else you can pose this kind of question and get valuable responses.

I had to step back and let myself reset a little, but I really appreciate how quickly you all jumped on it given the subject matter. I will absolutely still stick my dick in crazy, but I think "don't cuddle with crazy" is a good start.

Since I've known her for a while and she has expressed anxiety about me disappearing from her life, I didn't feel right completely ghosting her. So I have not met up with her and blocked her on my SMS app that shuffles the messages into a hidden folder without notifications, so it let me shut her off while still being able to check and reply.

So I haven't seen her and likely wont. She ended up saying that she wanted to kill herself again, so I did call the cops to her house. This made her really horny. I do believe she has had basic thoughts about wanting her painful existence to end, but also that the threats were empty since she really didn't know if I cared about her.

I think being a "genuine man" can confuse girls with low self esteem. Like you can show her empathy and compassion and still be willing to walk away from her. So compared to anyone she has ever dated, I kind of care about her more AND less at the same time.

Anyways, I think I read something in Practical Female Psychology about some girls basically draining your energy and confusing you as a mating strategy to increase your mental investment. Now this girl is operating on 100% emotion, like a lot of things make absolutely zero logical sense. Like way past normal girl talk to the point I can't communicate with this person.

So I think me calling her bullshit made her realize how ridiculous she is and I am hoping we will just fade. It felt like when a girl angrily says shit like "well maybe I'll go hook up with ten guys then" and expects you will grovel. So instead of saying have fun while I lace my shoes, it is a similar response of have fun in the ambulance while I block you.

She's just crazy, and there is no risk of death on my conscience, so... thread mission accomplished.

 

[KJ Francis]

@Chase @Skills @POB @Will_V @Rakehell

The update's not important. Just wanted to extend thanks.

She seems to have finally withdrawn. If we ever meet again, I'll follow Chase's advice, and that of the others in a more permanent fashion if she becomes too much to deal with.

 

[KJ Francis]

Reference article for the next generation...

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Girlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run. Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline...

www.girlschase.com

 

[DarkKnight]

No ghosted talking to her is a mistake, they will guilt shame you cry etc... Waste of time just ghost....I got a suicidal text that scared me read to dispatcher, they send police to welfare check..... Cut contact is manipulation..

agreed.. one of my earliest relationships this shit happened to me as well, I was too young for that shit. Just cut contact. She tried to get pregnant as well in order to prevent me from ejecting. I promised myself after that if a girl ever threatened suicide I would cut out the empathy

 

[Skills]

So I haven't seen her and likely wont. She ended up saying that she wanted to kill herself again, so I did call the cops to her house. This made her really horny. I do believe she has had basic thoughts about wanting her painful existence to end, but also that the threats were empty since she really didn't know if I cared about her.

Wtf did i just read, just lol.... You should have called the mental asylum, jesus christ! total loony..... The girls i call the police on was pissed cause they held her for 3 days in some type of mental facility..... not horny wtf... After that she did not try that again she learned her lesson...

Also if you are going to follow advice follow it fully, i specifically told you to cut all contact....But you "felt bad" facepalm, exactly what she wanted, the attention...

 

[KJ Francis]

Wtf did i just read, just lol.... You should have called the mental asylum, jesus christ! total loony..... The girls i call the police on was pissed cause they held her for 3 days in some type of mental facility..... not horny wtf... After that she did not try that again she learned her lesson...

Also if you are going to follow advice follow it fully, i specifically told you to cut all contact....But you "felt bad" facepalm, exactly what she wanted, the attention...

Yeah cops said call back for update. They assessed she was OK and left. She told them she had depression history and would call her therapist in the morning (according to cop shift supervisor on phone to me).

This was non emergency line. I'm not tying up an ambulance time on her cause I knew she wasn't on the brink... Just possibly needed mental evaluation, but luckily not. I can't tell from text messages. It's a small municipality with a few minutes police response...nothing better for them to do.

So yeah this was uncharacteristic of her. I've known her a while and wouldn't have an issue looking her in the face and saying it's over. She had cried to my face. Disappearing would really hurt her when an hour of time could give her closure. Too nice?


Like reading Chase's advice you picture regular depressed girl, not psycho. I will ghost her if I sense any real risk to myself though.

I think she might have gone sexual trying to get my attention like last resort, cause i'd text her once every few days after the incident.

Whatever... What a trip. I still had fun.