Tackling Caprice

[Marty]

As I have worked to put into practice the precepts of this site for a little under a year, I have become increasingly aware that as a sex, in general, women seem to be much more capricious than I had previously realized.

The embarrassing part, of course, is that this was news to me at all—that I had somehow contrived to live through 3½ decades on this planet, including several serious relationships and a marriage, without this ever occurring to me. The more experienced members here will presumably have either been nodding sagely at what I wrote above, or more likely, snickering at my innocence!

Nevertheless, here are some examples I have observed of women's seemingly limitless capacity for caprice, in ascending order of investment sunk, then rapidly abandoned:

• Extending an approach invitation to a man, then revoking it a few seconds later
• Leaving a man her phone number, then failing to return his calls
• Going on a date with a man, then declining to kiss him
• Kissing a man, then never contacting him again

I have even read on the Field Reports board of members who have actually slept with a girl, then never heard from her again. (I haven't experienced that recently... although once, when I was in college, a girl cut me dead after sleeping with me, but it may have been because I failed to call her after or notify her that I was starting a relationship with another girl.) So it seems the list above can even go one step farther, in some cases.

Frankly, it intrigues me that a girl's opinion of a man can change seemingly on a whim... I actually feel a little sorry for women, it must be a terrible emotional strain to feel attracted to a man one moment, then suddenly no longer attracted the next. I'm not sure how they cope with that sort of rapid change in feelings.

But my question is... can we combat this somehow? Or is there at least a way of dealing with it when it does arise? —for the sake of both ourselves and the women thus affected!

I put as much time and passion as I can into the practical aspect of gaining field experience, but I have to say that in spite of this, most of the theory—as in, why women act the way they do—remains a mystery to me.

Thank you!

-Marty

 

[Mr.Rob]

I think its a bit more black and white than how you describe it.

I guess all and all I have to say that I disagree with you on the examples you provided. I think women have their reasons whether consciously or subconsciously and we simply don't understand/have enough reference points to understand exactly what was going on there.

For example on the going on a date then declining a kiss. She may not be declining it all but simply testing you to see how you'll react to her rejection.

Or perhaps her motives were to simply get laid and you played your cards like a provider and now she has to act more conservative.

Just some basic examples.

But my question is... can we combat this somehow?

I think this is what GC is geared towards... understanding how women think and why they do the things they do.

I'm under the assumption that turn yourself into a seducer and man at the same level as Chase, Franco, NJ, etc. and this caprice will dissolve.

 

[Oskar]

Frankly, it intrigues me that a girl's opinion of a man can change seemingly on a whim... I actually feel a little sorry for women, it must be a terrible emotional strain to feel attracted to a man one moment, then suddenly no longer attracted the next. I'm not sure how they cope with that sort of rapid change in feelings.

But my question is... can we combat this somehow? Or is there at least a way of dealing with it when it does arise? —for the sake of both ourselves and the women thus affected!

I put as much time and passion as I can into the practical aspect of gaining field experience, but I have to say that in spite of this, most of the theory—as in, why women act the way they do—remains a mystery to me.

Hey Marty, I have often wondered about the nature of women too, and I think the fast change in women's attraction to men might have just as much to do with their greater tendency towards emotional volatility as to their lower barrier to entry to abundance mentality. Emotional volatility coupled with a perceived plethora of options is sure to be quite frustrating (though equally exciting) for women who occasionally have to deal with reality. Yet we can observe equally (or even more) picky tendencies in high caliber men (though certainly less capricious, at least in the short-term). Another thing that might play a role here is the ridiculously over-sized egos many Western women (and men, to a lesser extent) have, which are constantly being reinforced by most everyone and everything around them, coupled with women's inherent tendency towards overt narcissism. Now there's a recipe for a capricious character if there ever was one. It's important to note here though that both men and women tend to be capricious, just that women seem to be more capricious in the short-term than men.

I could say biology is why women are the way they are, but I think science cannot sufficiently answer such questions. Science seems most capable in interpreting dead things, uncoupled from emotions. I recently read Is Sex Necessary? (1929) Or Why You Feel the Way You Do by James Thurber and E.B. White and they approach the topic from the frame of humorists, which might be at the very least an equally edifying approach as a scientists. As a side note -- best glossary in any book I've ever read (though the two men may not have been the greatest seducers, they make up for it with their witty approach to the topic).

As for dealing with the capricious nature of women -- best thing I can think of is to condition girls you want a relationship with to primarily be positive and more stable around you, and have a limit for the level of ridiculousness you tolerate from them -- just ask them to leave if they are all over the place and can't calm down. Chase talks about this somewhere -- talks about withholding sex if a girl is having a tantrum or causing too much drama. Besides that, the best thing I can think of doing is exactly what you are doing here: working on yourself so you get to the point where you provide so much value (while still remaining attainable) that a girl will be more careful because she sees you as a scarce resource, something rare; or even better, you get to the point where you just accept that that's how women are and don't care much to dissect them, as you have an abundance mentality and get what you need and want regardless.

-Oskar

 

[Nuncle]

I am guessing it all comes down to the female's biological need to ensure she mates with top level men (because she will be lumbered with their child for years to come and can only have a few children in her lifetime)

Therefore her quality control process is very rigorous and subject to frequent revisions. But this is balanced against her short child-bearing lifespan which means that she does actively and excitedly go about the business of trying to find mates. So yes she will be excited about the prospect of going out on a date with a promising man but then while actually on the date she will start running her quality control again. Same when she is back at his place and again when she is in his bed! I suppose the closer she gets to actually having sex the more rigorous her selection process gets.

In actual fact I can think of parallels with myself. If I get interest from a girl (as occassionally happens!) I will respond well to it and get excited about it while my subconscious works out whether I am actually attracted to her, because I don't want to miss an opportunity. Then if I decide I am not attracted to her I don't feel any impulse to move things forward, which must be very confusing and frustrating for her.

Also, women have different modes. So she will be excited about you while having a laugh in a nightclub but less so on a stressful Monday morning at work.

My advice would be to cultivate having an edge. Act in ways that are surprising and slightly at odds with the initial impression you give off. This will make you stand out, make you stick in their mind and make them have strong emotions about you. From what I know of you you're somewhat like me - presentable, intelligent and interesting but a little too good-natured and amiable. Show a flash of steel, a bit of temper, a bit of sarcasm, be a bit difficult at times. You will soon get those heads turning and eyes widening.