Taking the conversation sexual

[Estate]

Hey guys,
Question for you tonight. Looking for your tips on leading the conversation in a more sexual direction. I'm not really asking HOW to talk sexual or how your vibe should be. If things just naturally go in that direction I do just fine...

... but I'm asking more about transitioning. For the sake of arguements, say you have been chatting to a girl for a while, deep diving, building connections... things can still seem sort of "nice". It depends on the girl, some will naturally just let it head that direction but some are a little more reserved so this is where I get tripped up. If it's all a little too "nice" and "pleasant" conversation, I can sometimes be hesitant to make an overly sexual or forward statement since it totally changes the dynamic of the conversation.

How do you guys like to transition or lead things from nice conversation to more direct and sexual to get her in the mood and thinking about you as more than just a nice dude.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Estate,

I've been pondering a bit about this one, too, and here are my thoughts - Expectations for who the other person is, and what the interaction is leading to, is set really early in the conversation. So if you stay at platonic conversation for the first 2 minutes, or whatever timeframe, she'll interpret you as a friendly dude. But if it's flirtatious/sexual within the first 2 minutes, you both expect that the interaction will eventually lead to sex. That's all you know of each other, and anything outside of those expectations will just feel unnatural. That's probably why people here encourage going direct when you open...that expectation for sex is set immediately.

Personally, I don't go direct. It doesn't seem like a natural way to start a conversation, unless you otherwise would have started a conversation with a compliment. But I will use sexual innuendo's or be pretty flirtatious pretty early in the conversation as a way of avoiding looking like just a friendly converser.

I'd say the earlier in the conversation, the faster you can get sexual. Conversely, the later in the conversation, the more slowly you'd need to build to being sexual. It's one of those "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" type deals.

Jake

 

[Richard]

Wow, I'm actually really surprised by this question because, Estate, both you and Jake are excellent PUA, and this is such a refreshing question deviating from the norm on the boards. So really, excellent question to ask!

I've been pondering a bit about this one, too, and here are my thoughts - Expectations for who the other person is, and what the interaction is leading to, is set really early in the conversation. So if you stay at platonic conversation for the first 2 minutes, or whatever timeframe, she'll interpret you as a friendly dude. But if it's flirtatious/sexual within the first 2 minutes, you both expect that the interaction will eventually lead to sex. That's all you know of each other, and anything outside of those expectations will just feel unnatural. That's probably why people here encourage going direct when you open...that expectation for sex is set immediately.

I wrote up about expectations, right here.

But, I'll go ahead and assume that you're not slotted into the boyfriend or lover category, and that you haven't set the expectations to not contain sex. I'm also going to assume that she understands that you want to be sexual and agreed to the date knowing that you're a sexual man.

As you know I like to gauge interest before making dynamic moves, so, I personally throw out sexual frames to see if she bites, and I can change the intensity of the frames accordingly, basically following a ladder up into a more sexual conversation. So basically start small and work your way up the ladder.

Honestly, there's a few things that you can do, unfortunately there is no universal approach to making a girl sexual, and you have to have a couple things in your arsenal to make a girl sexual.

So, you could cold read her into being sexual, you could anchor her into being sexual, could use kino to build up her sexual energy, could use the "ladder" to get sexual, but more or less I stick to emotional control, and emotional contagion to make her sexual. (Eye contact flirting, tone of voice, face expressions).

I realize this a bit all over the place, so, if something isn't clear or if you have any replies, I'll be happy to help out,

-Richard

 

[Estate]

Zphix,

I should have prefaced this... I'm making the assumption I have just met the girl or perhaps it's a first date. Let's say for arguments sake we are at the bar.
Now the reason I ask was just to get a feel for you guys like to do.

Usually assuming I've just met the girl, I've moved her from the bar to a couch nearby and we are talking and deep diving... all while I'm doing this I usually start to ramp up kino, as I do, I'm assuming the girl is receptive to it and is either moving closer or initiating some touching herself... from there it's easy to ramp up conversation.
This one's not really a problem for me.

The areas I feel I could improve is where the girl needs to REALLY be led. As I initiate kino, you can tell she is enjoying it but she's also very coy... she's not the sort to initiate touch herself early on. Same goes for leading the conversation. I've found some girls who are like this on kino to also be a little taken aback if you aggressively switch the conversation. But even backtracking I find them much more receptive to a more indirect opener to begin with... so it takes a much more gradual shift of how you're framing it....
There are times though where I've had this lead to things getting stale... I just can't shift her out of more subdued or "normal" points of conversation without it being a major make or break... she's going to be taken aback but like me enough to stay, or she's going to just get up and walk.

Of course, I'm talking with a specific personality of girl in mind, it's not ALWAYS the case, I find the more lively the bar I'm in the more the girl natural gravitates to allowing herself be led.
In a quieter venue you're not so lost in the crowd.

 

[Richard]

Okay, gotcha, so you mean going sexual from the outset.

Usually, when you rev up kino it should start pretty platonic, and work it's way into more sexual touching. If the girl is going along with it, and for arguments sake is receptive to your escalation in kino, then you should pair it with sexual conversation.

If you work your hand to her inner thigh, pair it with something subtly sexual like:

"You've got such smooth legs" said in a very sexy manner with a seductive smile, and you should be able to work on a sexual conversation.

Out of curiosity before I say more, can you explain this bit some more?

There are times though where I've had this lead to things getting stale... I just can't shift her out of more subdued or "normal" points of conversation without it being a major make or break...

What do you consider to be your "normal" points of conversation, like, what questions do you usually ask?

-Richard