Hello everyone, this is my first of what I think will be many field reports to come.
Last night I got pulled into a new nightclub; nice rooftop lounge venue with a great view of the city streets. It could just be my inexperience, but to me it looked like for every girl there was a guy which to me tends to signal attachment. Rather than standing and scanning I decided to blend in on the dance floor and use that as an excuse to hang while still moving about to see who else was around.
Eventually these two Latina girls caught my attention. One of them was short with a tight pale dress on and she looked ready to get down n dirty cause she was dancing in place periodically from the moment she showed up. Her friend on the other hand, I'd say her attire was more trashy than classy. High rise shorts, full C cups pushed up and practically bursting out of her top, and heels so pointed I'm surprised she wasn't poking holes in the floor. The one who grabbed my interest was the first girl but I'm always wary of very good looking girls dancing being "club queens." So I kept doing my thing but tried to keep them in the peripherals just to get a read on them.
What I noticed was, guys were going up to and chatting up the first girl (the one I liked), and she'd entertain them but none seem to last very long. Meanwhile her friend, this curvy Latina who's putting it all out there, is just standing around surveying the crowd and watching her friend talk to guys. Now, taking all of this into consideration I thought, "Even though I'd love to dance with that hot girl, her friend looks like she's begging for someone to talk to her." And so my bright idea was to hit on her even though it was her friend that I really wanted. Cue the interaction:
Me: "Hi, I just had to come over and tell you how great you look."
Her: "Oh, thank you."
Me: "I'm Adam."
*extends hand, no shaking, she takes it*
Her: "I'm (insert name)."
Me: "So what brings ya'll out tonight?"
Her: "Oh we're just here to have fun."
Me: "Makes two of us."
*I smile and glance over at her friend who's dancing away*
Me: "But it looks like your friend is having all the fun."
Her: "Oh that's just her. I'm very chill."
Me: "I feel ya. But y'know sometimes it's good to let loose."
Her: "Yeah."
At this point her friend joined in on our interaction and I introduced myself to her. She asked if there were any other places that play similar music and I told them I knew a great spot and that I'd take them there. She said "Okay let me just finish my drink." Back the girl I was talking to initially, we engage in some small talk and I found out where she's from and what she's studying. I'm speeding up because this is the important part. While we're talking she's groovin to the beat as girls who stand around do. I tried to match this.
Me: "Come dance with me."
Her: "No, there's too many people. I don't like tight spaces or whatever that is."
Me: "Oh you're claustrophobic?"
Her: "Yeah that's it."
Me: "Well there's plenty of space right here."
There's a small moment of silence, and then in a fitting move of the universe the DJ starts playing "Music Sounds Better With You."
Me: "Oh this is a great song. Come on let's have some fun."
I took her by her hands and tried to lead her into a dance in a way that would get her comfortable with my hip movements. She half way stops me.
Her: "I don't know how to dance like that."
Me: "Oh? Then what dances do you know?"
Her: "Everything else."
I took this as a cue, and flashed a sexy smile as I moved my hands down to her waist for some club grinding. This did not last long.
From this moment on is where I got stupid and I knew it. I wasn't flat out blown off...but the girls were not being chatty and my impression was that I was still gonna lead them to another club. And I thought I may still have a shot with the girl I wanted in the first place. But as we left it became clear I was following as they were not paying much mind to my suggestions. "I don't want to walk far because of these shoes." "That place across the street is a great spot. Let's round the corner." But no instead they decide to walk two blocks further down the street. We get to this bar and from the moment we enter this chick manages to get a couple of free drinks from a guy behind the bar and suddenly it's "We're gonna go somewhere with this guy."
And that was that.
Analysis: My main takeaway from this interaction was that this chick was giving me a ton of resistance. I know I violated this later on, but I've tried to make "Don't chase women." my golden rule and so if there's no compliance or if I'm really having to work in an interaction I roll it off my back and cut it short. In this case though, I wasn't outright rejected and because the girl was still giving me the time of day I was under the impression that she could be won over. And also since I had an ongoing interaction with her I take that to mean my fundamentals were good enough to get me in the door along with a trial run. Girls don't let you stick around if they don't have to. Why would they?
In trying to troubleshoot or figure out what I think I could have done differently, my personal conclusion is that I should have been more direct. Considering my objective, in hindsight I believe I was too soft about the issue at hand. For example when she said she's just chill or that she didn't want to dance cause of all the people (BS) maybe I should have said something like "You can't tell me you came out here dressed like that just to sit on the sidelines." Also, rather than being an idiot orbiter and following them I should have said something to the effect of "We're either gonna make something happen or this is over." That's my impression anyway but I could be way off.
So yeah, overall rather than kind of skirting around things which is what I probably did I should have been more forward and outright about my intentions and what I really wanted. But c'mon guys, was I wrong on my initial read here? Between her outfit and her friend getting all of the attention I thought she'd be fairly easy or at least warm and open to an approach. Anyway I'm sure that's plenty for you guys to look over. Thanks for any and all advice.
P.S. This is getting a little off subject but it relates to being direct. I still have some approach anxiety that I'm working on in part because I over think and most of what I see when I look around is either girls with guys or girls so closed off in their social circle I got a cold chance in Hell of getting noticed for eye contact. But what this also does is it's severely limiting how many girls I approach. I'd say on average it's 4 or 5 a night. To remedy this I'm thinking I should just go up regardless of what I think I'm seeing and just tell whoever's caught my eye that I think they are pretty / goregous / stunning / insert adjective here. Is this a good move or can I be a little more artful?
Last night I got pulled into a new nightclub; nice rooftop lounge venue with a great view of the city streets. It could just be my inexperience, but to me it looked like for every girl there was a guy which to me tends to signal attachment. Rather than standing and scanning I decided to blend in on the dance floor and use that as an excuse to hang while still moving about to see who else was around.
Eventually these two Latina girls caught my attention. One of them was short with a tight pale dress on and she looked ready to get down n dirty cause she was dancing in place periodically from the moment she showed up. Her friend on the other hand, I'd say her attire was more trashy than classy. High rise shorts, full C cups pushed up and practically bursting out of her top, and heels so pointed I'm surprised she wasn't poking holes in the floor. The one who grabbed my interest was the first girl but I'm always wary of very good looking girls dancing being "club queens." So I kept doing my thing but tried to keep them in the peripherals just to get a read on them.
What I noticed was, guys were going up to and chatting up the first girl (the one I liked), and she'd entertain them but none seem to last very long. Meanwhile her friend, this curvy Latina who's putting it all out there, is just standing around surveying the crowd and watching her friend talk to guys. Now, taking all of this into consideration I thought, "Even though I'd love to dance with that hot girl, her friend looks like she's begging for someone to talk to her." And so my bright idea was to hit on her even though it was her friend that I really wanted. Cue the interaction:
Me: "Hi, I just had to come over and tell you how great you look."
Her: "Oh, thank you."
Me: "I'm Adam."
*extends hand, no shaking, she takes it*
Her: "I'm (insert name)."
Me: "So what brings ya'll out tonight?"
Her: "Oh we're just here to have fun."
Me: "Makes two of us."
*I smile and glance over at her friend who's dancing away*
Me: "But it looks like your friend is having all the fun."
Her: "Oh that's just her. I'm very chill."
Me: "I feel ya. But y'know sometimes it's good to let loose."
Her: "Yeah."
At this point her friend joined in on our interaction and I introduced myself to her. She asked if there were any other places that play similar music and I told them I knew a great spot and that I'd take them there. She said "Okay let me just finish my drink." Back the girl I was talking to initially, we engage in some small talk and I found out where she's from and what she's studying. I'm speeding up because this is the important part. While we're talking she's groovin to the beat as girls who stand around do. I tried to match this.
Me: "Come dance with me."
Her: "No, there's too many people. I don't like tight spaces or whatever that is."
Me: "Oh you're claustrophobic?"
Her: "Yeah that's it."
Me: "Well there's plenty of space right here."
There's a small moment of silence, and then in a fitting move of the universe the DJ starts playing "Music Sounds Better With You."
Me: "Oh this is a great song. Come on let's have some fun."
I took her by her hands and tried to lead her into a dance in a way that would get her comfortable with my hip movements. She half way stops me.
Her: "I don't know how to dance like that."
Me: "Oh? Then what dances do you know?"
Her: "Everything else."
I took this as a cue, and flashed a sexy smile as I moved my hands down to her waist for some club grinding. This did not last long.
From this moment on is where I got stupid and I knew it. I wasn't flat out blown off...but the girls were not being chatty and my impression was that I was still gonna lead them to another club. And I thought I may still have a shot with the girl I wanted in the first place. But as we left it became clear I was following as they were not paying much mind to my suggestions. "I don't want to walk far because of these shoes." "That place across the street is a great spot. Let's round the corner." But no instead they decide to walk two blocks further down the street. We get to this bar and from the moment we enter this chick manages to get a couple of free drinks from a guy behind the bar and suddenly it's "We're gonna go somewhere with this guy."
And that was that.
Analysis: My main takeaway from this interaction was that this chick was giving me a ton of resistance. I know I violated this later on, but I've tried to make "Don't chase women." my golden rule and so if there's no compliance or if I'm really having to work in an interaction I roll it off my back and cut it short. In this case though, I wasn't outright rejected and because the girl was still giving me the time of day I was under the impression that she could be won over. And also since I had an ongoing interaction with her I take that to mean my fundamentals were good enough to get me in the door along with a trial run. Girls don't let you stick around if they don't have to. Why would they?
In trying to troubleshoot or figure out what I think I could have done differently, my personal conclusion is that I should have been more direct. Considering my objective, in hindsight I believe I was too soft about the issue at hand. For example when she said she's just chill or that she didn't want to dance cause of all the people (BS) maybe I should have said something like "You can't tell me you came out here dressed like that just to sit on the sidelines." Also, rather than being an idiot orbiter and following them I should have said something to the effect of "We're either gonna make something happen or this is over." That's my impression anyway but I could be way off.
So yeah, overall rather than kind of skirting around things which is what I probably did I should have been more forward and outright about my intentions and what I really wanted. But c'mon guys, was I wrong on my initial read here? Between her outfit and her friend getting all of the attention I thought she'd be fairly easy or at least warm and open to an approach. Anyway I'm sure that's plenty for you guys to look over. Thanks for any and all advice.
P.S. This is getting a little off subject but it relates to being direct. I still have some approach anxiety that I'm working on in part because I over think and most of what I see when I look around is either girls with guys or girls so closed off in their social circle I got a cold chance in Hell of getting noticed for eye contact. But what this also does is it's severely limiting how many girls I approach. I'd say on average it's 4 or 5 a night. To remedy this I'm thinking I should just go up regardless of what I think I'm seeing and just tell whoever's caught my eye that I think they are pretty / goregous / stunning / insert adjective here. Is this a good move or can I be a little more artful?
