Talking about yourself VS being inquisitive.

[Zoro]

I'm trying out a new habit. I find myself talking about myself more often than I'd like. It probably isn't much of a problem, but for the sake of improving game and learning to be more socially graceful, I figure I should nip this in the butt.

So my question is, do you find yourself asking your friends a lot of questions or commenting on what they say? When I remember to do this more, I enjoy the feeling of giving my friend the spotlight, to share their personality and experiences, even if it's just in little things or the mundane moment. But somehow I end up blabbering on about something instead of diving deeper and later thinking back "why didn't I ask him more about that?"

Like this morning, was talking to a friend about the great view the apartment he's temporarily staying at, and he mentioned that when he was sailing he got to wake up to an incredible view every morning, but this view was a good second best. I could have asked him more about his experiences sailing that I know meant a lot to him, but instead I brought it back to me "oh yeah, I want to wake up to this view too".

How would you guys combat this? Any tips or thing to keep in mind?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@J Wick dude! You're aware of it, which means you can change it. It's natural for people to like talking about themselves and to have their own input (opinions/comments), you're the lead character in your own story... however you've noticed it isn't that socially graceful, it has its moments to be relatable and to share your experiences.

Being aware of this alone will allow you to correct this, you meandered off telling your friend you'd like to wake up to that view (not dreadful, you're relating to him) now you cut thread back to his story and ask more about it. It'll take time to drill this into you, but this will become natural and you'll cut out parts that aren't relevant. Starting this is keeping present in the moment to explore topics that pop up.

This will be a transferable social skill that will apply to dudes and girls, socialising or seducing. It's similar tactics to keeping in set longer, vibing, moving on from small talk. You've got to realise these opportunities and work with them. You can practice with friends or colleagues, try to hold a conversation just about them/their day, if you catch yourself meandering and not providing value jump back to the conversation and resume. "Yeah I'd like that view to, where's the most interesting place you sailed to?/ where's got the best view?/ what got you into sailing?/ if you could sail anywhere tomorrow where would it be?" That opens the loop, keep in mind to show genuine interest with topics dude.

 

[Zoro]

Awesome, thanks Flux. Yeah seems like I just need to keep the reminder fresh in my mind. I do well once I remember it.

This will be a transferable social skill that will apply to dudes and girls, socialising or seducing.

I think this is helping my indirect approaches. I noticed that making statements or cold reads are better than questions sometimes, and I'm starting to see that you can get someone to open up with these, whereas before I thought questions were the only way to get people to open up.

I'm caring more about giving value, and it seems that is improving my game a lot.

 

[Glow]

observe what you do naturally

train the new models at home aka swicth between doing both models at home - break the pattern

write down interactions and thik how could i have used questions instead or alike

then do it out loud

try to do it in action now deliberately aka a focus on more inquisitive. I prefer to call it elicitation which has a gentle nature to it

repeat the cycle

note how it changes - how a flow of it gradually enables

suddenly thing flips and it sorta slides in and may taka a whole new form

issues may be mental ones - that it feels wrong to ask questions for whatever reasons - feel into it. Change the feel and youll see new practices flowing in more easily. get out of your own way model.

 

[Zoro]

Awesome @Glow got plenty to work with now!