- Joined
- Dec 30, 2019
- Messages
- 233
Terrible anxiety during interaction (first field report)
Two interactions (From 50-60th cold approach (day game))
090220
Night-time: Open-air shopping district attempted street stop
Short Asian-looking girl
This happens while we are walking
Friendly double pat her right upper arm from behind
Me: Hi, you are a cute girl
Her: Sorry what?
Me: Uncalmly and needily, I lean in like a girl and say "you are a cute girl"
Her: Thanks
Me: Where are you going?
Her: Um... Home (she's smiling mildly)
I can't remember what I said at this point
Me: I say something brief
Her: I say something brief
Me: I say something brief
Awkward silence
Me: I stop, rotate 90° and take steps back towards the direction East of where we were originally headed, trying to signal her to stop,
Her: She doesn't stop her stroll, but sort of slows down because she sees what I'm doing, she turned her head back to look at me as she walked
Me: I straightforwardly say "Stop."
Her: She stops
Her: Yea?
Me: My mind goes blank. I can't think of a way to get her phone number without me looking stupid or chasing
Me: ah... Nothing (I walk away)
100220
Location: Library on university campus
Notice from behind this girl she has tattoo sticking out of edge of her sleeve. Didn't expect to approach this girl (probably Asian American).
I see her filling a water bottle about 8 meters away.
Me: “Sorry do you know if there’s a bathroom upstairs?”
Her: She walks over. “I’m really sorry. I’m not sure, I’m really confused haha”.
Can’t fully remember this part of the conversation. We’re joking and trying to describe to each other different parts of the library which we both don’t know fully. Somehow she keeps apologizing. I was suspicious she wasn’t a student of the university.
Me: “Are you student?” (My accent makes me miss the “a”)
Her: Um. Yeah.
Me: Oh okey cool. So that side of the library? (I’m really lost for things to say so I act like I’m also confused)
Her: Here, let me show you. Come on. (I just follow cos I don't know what else to do)
We’re walking back down the alley where I first spotted her. We’re still chatting about something.
Me: What’s your name? I’m (my name). (I stick out my hand)
Her: I’m (her name). (She shakes my hand)
Me: Oh. You have a tattoo. (Feign surprise)
Her: Yea.
Me: Are you full of tattoo? (Body language signalling the rest of her body covered by her shirt)
Her: No, but I’m building up haha
We start walking down the central flight of stairs leading to the first floor. At this point I get a lot more nervous of messing up the ‘get her phone number part’.
Her: I’m leading you on an adventure (In a playful way)
Me: And I’m afraid of where you’re gonna lead me haha (Trying to play back. There is minor shivering in my body from anxiety.)
Her: haha
Halfway down the stairs she points to the direction of the bathrooms she taking me to:
Her: (While we walk) They're this way.
Me: Oh I know which ones you’re talking about. But I’ve never been to those before. Cos they’re private or something.
Her: Oh (In an agreeable tone)
Can’t remember what was said here.
Reach the bottom of stairs. I stop and sidestep to the right still facing away from the stairs. She stands in front of me and turns to face me.
Me: Somehow I manage to cock my head and look into her eyes with a fair bit of straightforwardness. I say with a deliberate ‘I’m interested in you’ tone of voice and a friendly smile “I would actually like to see you again” (Remembering Chase’s article on making it about the date not the phone number) (Thankfully I managed to say this with some bit of confidence.)
Beyond this point, my body was moderately trembling. She definitely noticed.
Her: Yea sure. (In some super sweet and open-to-it voice) Just add me on Snapchat.
Me: Uhh, I don’t have Snapchat (I genuinely don’t have one)
Her: Well that’s disappointing
Me: Well you can just take my number. (Trembling)
Her: Yea of course
She passes me her phone.
Me: I make an inquisitive facial expression. “Oh” (Her phone screen was badly fractured)
Her: Yea haha.
Me: And it’s an old phone. (Stupid and useless for me to say this but wasn’t fully in control of myself at that point)
Me: Uhhm... (Because I’m actually not sure what to do) (At this stage, I’ve really lost my cool.)
I manage to touch the part of her iPhone screen where it says “To:” and the digital keyboard pops up
Her: Yea… (In a very very sweet ‘that’s how you do it’ voice. Maybe I really haven’t talked to enough girls like her IDK but for how I terrible I thought my delivery was going at that point in time any warm response would have surprised me)
She reaches over with her index finger and helps me touch the button for the keyboard to switch to number pad (can’t get more embarrassing). While she does this the middle of her index finger touches the bottom part of my right thumb.
Her: “What are you studying?” (In a playful curious voice)
Me: Said something the subject I was studying. Told her the year I’m in. (Still trembling. Can’t think of anything good to say.)
Can’t remember what exactly was said at this point. There was a point when I was trying to establish eye contact with her and she seemed to be focussed on something else already, looking to my left and to my right, avoiding my gaze when she met it. Perhaps it was my trembling.
Her: “I’ve sent you a text”
She starts walking up the stairs
Me: “Actually, are you studying over that side [of the second floor]?” (Genuinely wanted to ask her this. In case I awkwardly run into her again)
Her: “Actually, I’m that side, but I’ll be studying for … all day”
Me: “Okey, I’ll be over that [other] side”
Messaging
Her: “hey it’s (Her name) yee. Nice to meet you”
(20 minutes later)
Me: Yea nice to see you. This is (My name)
Me: When are your ... over? Let’s meet after
A few hours later
She didn't reply my message. I open a door and see her talking on the phone with someone. Geez. Awkward.
Thoughts and remarks:
For the second interaction, I’m not sure whether this is approach anxiety or performance anxiety. The anxiety came in more halfway through the interaction where I worried about how it’s going to turn out.
I have no logistics because I live in shared housing. I’m just focussing on try to get numbers and the most initial-level game because that is where my skill level is at.
Two interactions (From 50-60th cold approach (day game))
090220
Night-time: Open-air shopping district attempted street stop
Short Asian-looking girl
This happens while we are walking
Friendly double pat her right upper arm from behind
Me: Hi, you are a cute girl
Her: Sorry what?
Me: Uncalmly and needily, I lean in like a girl and say "you are a cute girl"
Her: Thanks
Me: Where are you going?
Her: Um... Home (she's smiling mildly)
I can't remember what I said at this point
Me: I say something brief
Her: I say something brief
Me: I say something brief
Awkward silence
Me: I stop, rotate 90° and take steps back towards the direction East of where we were originally headed, trying to signal her to stop,
Her: She doesn't stop her stroll, but sort of slows down because she sees what I'm doing, she turned her head back to look at me as she walked
Me: I straightforwardly say "Stop."
Her: She stops
Her: Yea?
Me: My mind goes blank. I can't think of a way to get her phone number without me looking stupid or chasing
Me: ah... Nothing (I walk away)
100220
Location: Library on university campus
Notice from behind this girl she has tattoo sticking out of edge of her sleeve. Didn't expect to approach this girl (probably Asian American).
I see her filling a water bottle about 8 meters away.
Me: “Sorry do you know if there’s a bathroom upstairs?”
Her: She walks over. “I’m really sorry. I’m not sure, I’m really confused haha”.
Can’t fully remember this part of the conversation. We’re joking and trying to describe to each other different parts of the library which we both don’t know fully. Somehow she keeps apologizing. I was suspicious she wasn’t a student of the university.
Me: “Are you student?” (My accent makes me miss the “a”)
Her: Um. Yeah.
Me: Oh okey cool. So that side of the library? (I’m really lost for things to say so I act like I’m also confused)
Her: Here, let me show you. Come on. (I just follow cos I don't know what else to do)
We’re walking back down the alley where I first spotted her. We’re still chatting about something.
Me: What’s your name? I’m (my name). (I stick out my hand)
Her: I’m (her name). (She shakes my hand)
Me: Oh. You have a tattoo. (Feign surprise)
Her: Yea.
Me: Are you full of tattoo? (Body language signalling the rest of her body covered by her shirt)
Her: No, but I’m building up haha
We start walking down the central flight of stairs leading to the first floor. At this point I get a lot more nervous of messing up the ‘get her phone number part’.
Her: I’m leading you on an adventure (In a playful way)
Me: And I’m afraid of where you’re gonna lead me haha (Trying to play back. There is minor shivering in my body from anxiety.)
Her: haha
Halfway down the stairs she points to the direction of the bathrooms she taking me to:
Her: (While we walk) They're this way.
Me: Oh I know which ones you’re talking about. But I’ve never been to those before. Cos they’re private or something.
Her: Oh (In an agreeable tone)
Can’t remember what was said here.
Reach the bottom of stairs. I stop and sidestep to the right still facing away from the stairs. She stands in front of me and turns to face me.
Me: Somehow I manage to cock my head and look into her eyes with a fair bit of straightforwardness. I say with a deliberate ‘I’m interested in you’ tone of voice and a friendly smile “I would actually like to see you again” (Remembering Chase’s article on making it about the date not the phone number) (Thankfully I managed to say this with some bit of confidence.)
Beyond this point, my body was moderately trembling. She definitely noticed.
Her: Yea sure. (In some super sweet and open-to-it voice) Just add me on Snapchat.
Me: Uhh, I don’t have Snapchat (I genuinely don’t have one)
Her: Well that’s disappointing
Me: Well you can just take my number. (Trembling)
Her: Yea of course
She passes me her phone.
Me: I make an inquisitive facial expression. “Oh” (Her phone screen was badly fractured)
Her: Yea haha.
Me: And it’s an old phone. (Stupid and useless for me to say this but wasn’t fully in control of myself at that point)
Me: Uhhm... (Because I’m actually not sure what to do) (At this stage, I’ve really lost my cool.)
I manage to touch the part of her iPhone screen where it says “To:” and the digital keyboard pops up
Her: Yea… (In a very very sweet ‘that’s how you do it’ voice. Maybe I really haven’t talked to enough girls like her IDK but for how I terrible I thought my delivery was going at that point in time any warm response would have surprised me)
She reaches over with her index finger and helps me touch the button for the keyboard to switch to number pad (can’t get more embarrassing). While she does this the middle of her index finger touches the bottom part of my right thumb.
Her: “What are you studying?” (In a playful curious voice)
Me: Said something the subject I was studying. Told her the year I’m in. (Still trembling. Can’t think of anything good to say.)
Can’t remember what exactly was said at this point. There was a point when I was trying to establish eye contact with her and she seemed to be focussed on something else already, looking to my left and to my right, avoiding my gaze when she met it. Perhaps it was my trembling.
Her: “I’ve sent you a text”
She starts walking up the stairs
Me: “Actually, are you studying over that side [of the second floor]?” (Genuinely wanted to ask her this. In case I awkwardly run into her again)
Her: “Actually, I’m that side, but I’ll be studying for … all day”
Me: “Okey, I’ll be over that [other] side”
Messaging
Her: “hey it’s (Her name) yee. Nice to meet you”
(20 minutes later)
Me: Yea nice to see you. This is (My name)
Me: When are your ... over? Let’s meet after
A few hours later
She didn't reply my message. I open a door and see her talking on the phone with someone. Geez. Awkward.
Thoughts and remarks:
For the second interaction, I’m not sure whether this is approach anxiety or performance anxiety. The anxiety came in more halfway through the interaction where I worried about how it’s going to turn out.
I have no logistics because I live in shared housing. I’m just focussing on try to get numbers and the most initial-level game because that is where my skill level is at.
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