- Joined
- Sep 23, 2014
- Messages
- 189
I was at a bar the other day where I met a cute girl and got her number.
I call her a few days later but her phone is off. The next day I text her (would have waited longer, but already it's been too long, so feel I need to compress this):
Now, what would most guys do at this point? Either get bitter, calling her out on her behavior, or acquiesce to her frame. We can do better...
This text reframes things in a couple of ways.
So... this in theory is a good text. I can't tell you how many good texts I've crafted that didn't go anywhere though. The real test is in the pudding. How did this all play out?
`
Okay! It's a small victory, but the reframe was successful, though she's still obviously wanting to play hard to get.
Remember, we still may not meet up, but by not getting bitter or angry or auto-rejecting her, there's still potential. With a little more dexterous texting, there's a good chance I'll be able to set something up, and when we meet it's likely she'll put up less resistance now that I dealt with this early on.
This all is to show that having a lighthearted but firm attitude is key when it comes to texting.
I'll keep you updated as to what happens next...
-Howell
I call her a few days later but her phone is off. The next day I text her (would have waited longer, but already it's been too long, so feel I need to compress this):
Now, what would most guys do at this point? Either get bitter, calling her out on her behavior, or acquiesce to her frame. We can do better...
Howell: "I already bought the ring though! Anyway, let's grab a drink or bite soon, relinquishing all our preconceived notions and expectations. I have some time free over the weekend, if that works for you. Don't worry... I'll try and hold off proposing till there's good lighting for selfies"
This text reframes things in a couple of ways.
- -It makes things lighthearted again, and demonstrates that I don't take this seriously.
-It shows how presumptuous she's being and overly seriously she's taking herself in a way that is inclusive, not exclusive or dismissive.
-I take her frame and bend the idea of "long-term" to mean she's looking for marriage, and then respond to that. This is to show how ridiculous she's being, to make her seem more like the pursuer, and to get her to loosen up. If she tries to refutes this reframe, she will lose the frame battle hard and probably intuits this. Fight fire with fire.
-It shows that I'm busy, and have already made plans now for when we were going to meet up (we'd agreed early this week when we were together).
-It offers her a final chance to meet on my terms, showing that even though I think she's being silly, I may still be open to meeting up.
So... this in theory is a good text. I can't tell you how many good texts I've crafted that didn't go anywhere though. The real test is in the pudding. How did this all play out?
`
Okay! It's a small victory, but the reframe was successful, though she's still obviously wanting to play hard to get.
Remember, we still may not meet up, but by not getting bitter or angry or auto-rejecting her, there's still potential. With a little more dexterous texting, there's a good chance I'll be able to set something up, and when we meet it's likely she'll put up less resistance now that I dealt with this early on.
This all is to show that having a lighthearted but firm attitude is key when it comes to texting.
I'll keep you updated as to what happens next...
-Howell
