Texting Question

[moom]

So, got a girls number off of Bumble.

Asked for the date before moving to text, similar to how I ask for the date before asking for the number in real life. I had asked her to this museum exhibit that was in town for a few weeks. Only thing is, after I got her number, I realized that tickets had completely sold out for the weekend. I had asked her on Bumble if she'd join me to go see this exhibit.

This is how the exchange went:

ME:
hey here save my # Oli
-Om

HER:
Hey! Lol will do
Wait so what time did we decide on for tomorrow?

ME:
Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what
Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week

HER:
I think its already not working out
You’re not even asking… idk not really feeling it
Thanks though

So where did I go wrong? I'm always in "leading" mode so I just wait straight into plan B. I'm assuming it has to do with not getting buy-in or something. Anyone want to dissect this one and give me some advice?

 

[Skills]

i think she got all exited about the "museum" and she thinks you are doing a bait and switch, it is a misunderstanding, since she is not very invested(yellow) she got annoyed and bailed (she thinks you are shady/full of shit/lying)...

or it could be that she got put off by: "and if like you adn you like and we vibe. "i'll wait to check out Van goh with you next week. put her off (that whole sentence was over done, kind of arrogant specially at this point of cancellation of museum)

keep the shit simple, " lets grab coffee or a drink to see if the vibe is there"(drop if "if i like you and you life me", keep it low pressure and very casual, from there we can go to _______ activity low pressure/no courtship...

 

[moom]

i think she got all exited about the "museum" and she thinks you are doing a bait and switch, it is a misunderstanding, since she is not very invested(yellow) she got annoyed and bailed (she thinks you are shady/full of shit/lying)...

or it could be that she got put off by: "and if like you adn you like and we vibe. "i'll wait to check out Van goh with you next week. put her off (that whole sentence was over done, kind of arrogant specially at this point of cancellation of museum)

keep the shit simple, " lets grab coffee or a drink to see if the vibe is there"(drop if "if i like you and you life me", keep it low pressure and very casual, from there we can go to _______ activity low pressure/no courtship...

Interesting takes, wouldn't have thought of these.

Lets say I REPHRASED that to this:

"so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tomorrow- there r evening tickets available next Friday. We could go then... or we could meet up tomorrow at this outdoor bar I know that makes some amazing drinks. What do you think?"

What would you give that response?

 

[Will_V]

So, got a girls number off of Bumble.

Asked for the date before moving to text, similar to how I ask for the date before asking for the number in real life. I had asked her to this museum exhibit that was in town for a few weeks. Only thing is, after I got her number, I realized that tickets had completely sold out for the weekend. I had asked her on Bumble if she'd join me to go see this exhibit.

This is how the exchange went:

ME:
hey here save my # Oli
-Om

HER:
Hey! Lol will do
Wait so what time did we decide on for tomorrow?

ME:
Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what
Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week

HER:
I think its already not working out
You’re not even asking… idk not really feeling it
Thanks though

So where did I go wrong? I'm always in "leading" mode so I just wait straight into plan B. I'm assuming it has to do with not getting buy-in or something. Anyone want to dissect this one and give me some advice?

Yeah the ending there feels blunt, also you're not focusing on tomorrow but suggesting that the rewards come next week. Since u cancelled the exciting thing the food drink sounds boring and you didn't even talk it up. She needed to be looking forward to tomorrow not some other time.

 

[moom]

Yeah the ending there feels blunt, also you're not focusing on tomorrow but suggesting that the rewards come next week. Since u cancelled the exciting thing the food drink sounds boring and you didn't even talk it up. She needed to be looking forward to tomorrow not some other time.

I feel like I didnt talk it up because I had mentioned on Bumble that I wanted to go see Van Gogh this weekend.

I didn’t want to look weak and chasey and give her the idea that I’d change what I wanted to do this weekend solely for her.

So I framed it in the text exchange like “If you’re cool on the date, I’ll wait so that I can share that experience with you next week instead of going and doing it myself or with someone else this weekend like i had originally planned.”

At least thats how I thought i framed it lol, it completely backfired

 

[Dreamer]

I've gone to many of these art exhibits (Picasso / Van Gogh / Warhol) in the past, so first lesson learned probably would be to check ticket availability before seeding the date for next time I guess.

or it could be that she got put off by: "and if like you adn you like and we vibe. "i'll wait to check out Van goh with you next week. put her off (that whole sentence was over done, kind of arrogant specially at this point of cancellation of museum)

Yeah, this was my initial thoughts as well but you beat me to it. I think is a combination of this plus the 'bait n' switch'. Plus, if she was one of those girls who actually enjoys things like art exhibits / museums etc then it would've been more of a let down for her. But this sentence:

Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what
Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week

can be perceived as a bit too much pressure at this early stage in the interaction, after the bait n' switch (without involving her in the decision process no less) you basically said: "Let's do ___" then she likely interpreted: "He wants drinks/food tomorrow, then IF he likes me AND IF I like him AND IF there's a VIBE, THEN he'll invite me for Van Gogh next week....? errr I barely know this guy and he's making all these preconditions just for a simple meet up? Not so sure about this now"

"so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tomorrow- there r evening tickets available next Friday. We could go then... or we could meet up tomorrow at this outdoor bar I know that makes some amazing drinks. What do you think?"

I try and avoid commenting on specific messages, esp since I don't have more info or the entire context of the interaction. This msg is a bit better, but I think you're kind of pushing a day 2 and a day 3 here, you're giving her an either / or (kind of like an ultimatum... what if she was really looking forward to the museum exhibit for instance?) which can be too much to ask. I'd personally just have stuck to the museum plans, since that's what you first offered. After getting agreement on it, you purchase tickets in advance. Then when you meet her @ the exhibit do your thing and hopefully you can take her for food / drinks to another location after the exhibit (location no 2) and proceed as usual. Maybe something like "Hey! Looks like tickets are already sold out for tomorrow They have tix for next Fri tho... does that work for you?"

 

[moom]

I try and avoid commenting on specific messages, esp since I don't have more info or the entire context of the interaction. This msg is a bit better, but I think you're kind of pushing a day 2 and a day 3 here, you're giving her an either / or (kind of like an ultimatum... what if she was really looking forward to the museum exhibit for instance?) which can be too much to ask. I'd personally just have stuck to the museum plans, since that's what you first offered. After getting agreement on it, you purchase tickets in advance. Then when you meet her @ the exhibit do your thing and hopefully you can take her for food / drinks to another location after the exhibit (location no 2) and proceed as usual. Maybe something like "Hey! Looks like tickets are already sold out for tomorrow They have tix for next Fri tho... does that work for you?"

Thank you for your thoughtful insight dreamer.

Haha I was doing everything I could to get those tickets- just didn't pan out. I like your message the best, wouldve worked the best I believe as well.

I kinda set myself up in a poor position before even getting to phone texts in the first place, lesson learned.

Lessons I’ve learned from you 3 above:
1) Keep texts before meeting as low pressure and nonchalant as possible

2) Don’t come off as arrogant (or anything that could be interpreted as arrogant even if you don’t mean it that way) over text. Don’t come off chasey either. I didn’t want to come off chasey so I did the opposite and acted arrogant which also backfired. Nonchalant, low pressure, cooperative and outcome independent seem to be the way to go.

3) If you propose something and she says yes, stick to it. Even if you have to reschedule, try and stick to it, or propose something really similar at worst.

4) Get some BUY-IN. Direct commands aren’t the move when texting before meeting the first time. Instead, ask and throw questions, give her some choices and get her involved in the decision making process.

Let me know if I got anything wrong/missed anything.

Thank you guys once again.

 

[Skills]

Interesting takes, wouldn't have thought of these.

Lets say I REPHRASED that to this:

"so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tomorrow- there r evening tickets available next Friday. We could go then... or we could meet up tomorrow at this outdoor bar I know that makes some amazing drinks. What do you think?"

What would you give that response?

you are focusing on "wording" vs "strategy and subcommunications" in this case the move is to understand this https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/strategic-position-of-weakness.23731/

^ this is the move, then strategy, then logistics.... But is a long shot, she had a huge state change...

 

[moom]

you are focusing on "wording" vs "strategy and subcommunications" in this case the move is to understand this https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/strategic-position-of-weakness.23731/

^ this is the move, then strategy, then logistics.... But is a long shot, she had a huge state change...

Oh no it’s already lost lol, just thinking about future scenarios with other girls. Purely asking for learning purposes.

I’ll check that out, thank you

 

[moom]

Here’s the Bumble transcript for anyone that wants it:

Her: “hey I am very curious on what you meant by showing over telling” (This is in reference to my bumble prompt answer to : “describe your ideal date”. I had answered the prompt with “It’s better to show than tell”)



Me: hey well if I told you instead of showed you, it would defeat the purpose



Her: You got me there…



Me: It’s an experience. Starts with question, red or white? (this is launching into a texting gambit i got from a friend)



Her: Red. Did I pass the test?



Me: Hmm you seemed more like a white kinda gal. Do you like champagne? (this is where I think I first fucked up. I shouldve qualified when she asked for my approval but instead tried to stick to the gambit lol. This couldve worked but then I kept disqualifying her later too)



Her: hahahahaha why



Me: Guess I’ll tell you over a glass of red this week or the next?



Her: hmmm next week could work



Me: cool, shoot me ur # and we can work it out next week



**She doesnt respond here. I don’t follow up for 2 days**



-2 days later

Me: Hey, I’m going to the van gogh exhibit in Houston this weekend. Says you like museum, care to join me?



Her: Hey Yes I’d love to! There’s quite a bit in the air this weekend right now. Do you mind if I let you know by the evening??



Me: Sure let me know



Her: Would Saturday anytime after 5 work for you?



Me: 6 onwards is good for me- whats your number so its easier to talk



Her: #########


All in all, I fucked it up in a few places with arrogance, bad logistics, etc

 

[foggy]

Her: hey I am very curious on what you meant by showing over telling
Me: hey well if I told you instead of showed you, it would defeat the purpose
Her: You got me there…
Me: It’s an experience. Starts with question, red or white?
Her: Red. Did I pass the test?
Me: Hmm you seemed more like a white kinda gal. [DISINTEREST 1] Do you like champagne?
Her: hahahahaha why
Me: Guess I’ll tell you over a glass of red this week or the next?
Her: hmmm next week could work
Me: cool, shoot me ur # and we can work it out next week

**She doesnt respond here - I don’t follow up for 2 days**

Me: Hey, I’m going to the van gogh exhibit in Houston this weekend. Says you like museum, care to join me?
Her: Hey Yes I’d love to! There’s quite a bit in the air this weekend right now. Do you mind if I let you know by the evening??
Me: Sure. let me know.
Her: Would Saturday anytime after 5 work for you?
Me: 6 onwards is good for me- whats your number so its easier to talk
Her: #########
Me: hey - here save my # Oli
Her: Hey! Lol will do. Wait so what time did we decide on for tomorrow?
Me: Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, [DISINTEREST 2] I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week
Her: I think its already not working out. You’re not even asking… idk not really feeling it Thanks though

she was sold on you from the start

then you showed disinterest and jerked her around once, and she fucked off [your hindsight that you should have qualified her here instead is right]

you re-engaged, and she was willing to give you another chance. she was hopeful it would work out this time

then you showed disinterest in her, AGAIN, which completely put her off, as skills mentioned [your rephrased response you posted above would have been perfect to say instead]

she immediately went into auto rejection, and used the fact that you didnt get buy in as a way to express her auto rejection

 

[moom]

she was sold on you from the start

then you showed disinterest and jerked her around once, and she fucked off [your hindsight that you should have qualified her here instead is right]

you re-engaged, and she was willing to give you another chance. she was hopeful it would work out this time

then you showed disinterest in her, AGAIN, which completely put her off, as skills mentioned [your rephrased response you posted above would have been perfect to say instead]

she immediately went into auto rejection, and used the fact that you didnt get buy in as a way to express her auto rejection

100% exactly what I think happened too now that I see the entire conversation. I'm so use to arrogantly playing the disinterest card that I over did it lol. Thanks for your insight @fog

 

[Skills]

So, got a girls number off of Bumble.

Asked for the date before moving to text, similar to how I ask for the date before asking for the number in real life. I had asked her to this museum exhibit that was in town for a few weeks. Only thing is, after I got her number, I realized that tickets had completely sold out for the weekend. I had asked her on Bumble if she'd join me to go see this exhibit.

This is how the exchange went:

ME:
hey here save my # Oli
-Om

HER:
Hey! Lol will do
Wait so what time did we decide on for tomorrow?

ME:
Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what
Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week

HER:
I think its already not working out
You’re not even asking… idk not really feeling it
Thanks though

So where did I go wrong? I'm always in "leading" mode so I just wait straight into plan B. I'm assuming it has to do with not getting buy-in or something. Anyone want to dissect this one and give me some advice?

You have the right concept on online gaming, with structure I actually like it similar to cocporn and my adaptation of it.... that was actually smooth, but I am bias cause is very similar to my online style .. fog is right, and you already know where you messed up, I am going to send you a pm interested in that prompt you actually have something going with the right idea... I use a song for example "just a small town girl living in a... what goes next or something like that...

 

[happynanako]

The biggest mistake was in this line

"Nice- so I just looked & tickets are sold out past 5 tmrw. there are great tickets next week tho..so tell u what
Lets grab a drink/food tomorrow. And if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I’ll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week "

I don't understand why you need to mention 'if I like you and you like me and we vibe, I'll wait to check out Van Gogh with u next week'
All of these are for your thoughts not to say it out.

I think you can mention that you didn't expect the exhibition was so hot that it got sold out before you got the chance to grab it.
Tell her since plans were made, why not a drink at cafe instead.
~if you both vibes, go for dinner and setup the date for the next time

Because it's online dating and she have many options, this isn't a huge loss for her and she would simply move on.