Texting reprised

[Estate]

Guys,

So perhaps against my better judgement this is a discussion leading on from this previous thread:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=4028

Not this thread is NOT about "How to text girls" or "What to text girls"... I want to get your thoughts on the benefits/drawbacks of using texting as a tool or not.

My story:
Even before GC, one thing I learned many years ago was using texting to try and build attraction before meeting them. Now this had a double edged sword. At the time, I was pulling in numbers by the bucket using online dating. I was experimenting a lot with what worked online back then as I knew nothing else so I had enough numbers to experiment, I wasn't necessarily overly interested in every girl so I'd risk losing some for the sake of finding what worked.
Subconsciously, I managed to set some Chase frames though I didn't really know I was doing it. I'd ramp the conversation up slowly from innocent questions to get girls to open up to me a little (Tell me something interesting..." or "Tell me a story you've never told anyone..." etc.. etc. You can't LEAD with that, you just need the get the girl in a place where she's at least engaging you well with basic, fun conversation. From there... ramp it up more... take it a little more sexual and pretty soon the girls are either having text sex with you are saying some ridiculously risque things.

I'd act un-needy. If SHE doesn't feel like the one leading the sexual talk, she'll most likely be turned off. So don't push it. When she DOES text you something sexual, some inuendo, or (even better!) some pictures... you really need to act like it's no big deal. If she did the same with 99% of guys, they'll start with the "Oh bb, hot, lolz" crappy texts and basically only talk to her about sex. When she talks to you like that, you need to her to feel like it's not a big deal to you. Don't be aloof, don't dis-engage, most definitely compliment her, but not necessarily on her body but on her sexuality, her open-ness, etc...
In doing that you'll get messages starting with "I can't believe I'm saying/sending you this but..."
You need to show you approve of her when she says things like "I can't believe I'm saying this..." or "I've never done this before...", or "Too forward...?"
But you need to not be an idiot and let your dick run your brain. Make her feel like you approve, are impressed by her, make her feel sexy but just give the impression that a sexy picture in your inbox is not such a big deal that you'll lose your mind. Act cool, she'll appreciate that you're being a man and not a little boy who's just found his first playboy mag.

Now the kicker...
I used to think this was the way to go. It's like "moving fast"... in the space of one day texting, she's already gotten wet talking to you. She's said things she'd never say to someone she hardly knows. When you meet... it's on!
But my meetings were never "dates". Usually I'd string the conversation along during the week a little, and come the weekend you'll expect a "Hey are you out tonight, where are you? xoxox" sort of text. It'll be late at night, you've both probably had a few drinks and when you meet, it's social, it's casual and it's on.

But try to take one of these girls on a date? Mood killer. Imagine all the excitement, the anticipation, getting her wet, and what do you do? Go sit at a bar and talk about your pets? Not gonna work.

So having read some things on GC, and elsewhere.... I changed my methods... No texting. My rules were to have a 3-4 text limit to just set a date to meet. It's quick, it's direct, there's no messing about and you begin to give the impression that you're not the type of guy who can text all day.

So the pro's/con's of all this:
- You will lose a lot more girls by texting them a lot.
- If you text a lot and are boring, or ask too many questions or try a lot of "baiting", you will lose a lot more girls.
- However, if she is receptive to it, you can probably get her to bed with minimal effort.
- The con is that you have to be 100% congruent with your texting when in person. If you show up and cannot take the conversation in that direction quickly... it's game over.
- You are essentially screening girls who are VERY into you or not. So be prepared to lose those who are not. Though it stops you wasting time/money going out with them.
- Using the 3-4 text rule... you will get more dates.
- It's a slower game... however it does bug me at times... in person you need to gauge HOW fast to move. It's hit and miss... some girls will want the cute, respectful guy she first met, but some will be pulling their hair out waiting for you to make a move. You need to be good at reading people.
- You'll date more "nice" girls. But be prepared to have them be interested in you as you wine and dine them, but pull back when you begin to get physical. Not all, just some, expect it to happen at times.
- It depends what you want... "nice" girls are awesome if you want someone to take home to Mom. Just realize, they are not all as "nice" as they seem. I find that some are and will painfully make you wait as they ask you on date after date. If they are this type and you are in the older bracket... late-twenties+.. there's a good chance the reason she is single is that her expectations of relationships are sky high. They imagine the fairtale princess meeting her knight. And while you continue to go on nice dates with her, attraction fades as you don't get physical and she's gone...
- If you DO want a nice girl. Go for the 3-4 text rule. Ramping up sexually VERY fast before going on the first date, will trigger her defense mechanisms. Play it cooler. Be the smooth, sexy guy.

So just some thoughts... The reason I am thinking about this is that I got a girls number last night. I'd usually use the 3-4 texts and try get drinks next week but I've had a few lame dates that way lately. I decided to experiment. See how far I can ramp up the sexual talk with her, as I haven't done it in a while. If I lose her, so be it. It was just for the sake of experimenting... So an afternoon/evening of texting later... she has described her sexual fantasies to me, told me how she likes to be kissed and fucked and sent on a couple of pics of her in lingerie.
The next step? Well, take her to my place... but a nice casual drinks date? Hmmm...

 

[Whizzy]

I've recently been experimenting in similar fashion and first started off with online dating. I've noticed that girls are more excited to see you the less you text them even though it may scare some girls off, the serious ones stick around and are more likely to value your time. I significantly toned down my online dating and meeting significantly more people in real life now though, as Chase and others have mentioned, since online dating can be like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

[Estate]

I agree. I've cut out online dating some time back.

I decided to use a number I got this weekend as an experiment since the topic came up recently.
It's a double edged sword. You might risk losing or offending some girls by pushing it fast by text but if you don't mind it being a way to filter out women who are not very open sexually then it works.
I was surprised by the responce I got, of course, every girl won't text you sexy shots but this one did and the conversation has been ridiculously fun.

Being a bit more cold by text can go either way in my experience. A really solid first impression will make her gag to want more from you. If you didn't manage to do that however when you met and got her number, it's easy that she mistakes lack of communication by text as you not really having much to offer. You need to set the tone when you meet so she is chasing you. Without setting that tone, if you don't text, neither will she.

 

[Whizzy]

I understand what you're saying. Lately I met up with this one girl that refused to text anyone first, so I decided to experiment and see how true this was and of course she texted me a few days later saying she missed me. I normally use smiles or winks in a text to convey emotion as sometimes texts can be taken multiple ways and it helps keep the text warm.

 

[Marty]

Hey Estate,

This is a real interesting thread. About 18 months ago, before I'd discovered GC, I was playing a bit of online chess (correspondence, like 2-3 days per move). I accidentally get drawn against some girl twice (like on two separate boards simultaneously); there's a chat window which is mostly ignored by the serious players, but she's like "Hi". Fair enough, I enter into conversation, just basic stuff like where she's from, but it somehow gradually gets heavier and she starts to intimate that she's turned on by the way I'm writing. I get a bit suspicious (in reality it could be some gay guy, or some joker having fun at my expense); I have a photo posted on the site but she just has an avatar, so I ask her to post a photo instead and she does. She's cute enough, not stunning (which might be suspect/fake), just generally attractive. She's quite a bit older than most of the girls I talk to, in her thirties, only one year my junior in fact. After a bit more online banter she admits she's married.

I tell her it's no problem and suggest a proper conversation. She directs me to Yahoo! Messenger where we have about an hour's online chat. By this point it's clear from the tone that I'm really talking with a female. She's somehow getting excited, and so I suggest exploring a FWB-type relationship if we can meet in person; she's open to it. She's in Wisconsin, which is not a state I visit often, exactly, but there is some potential to make it work.

We exchange a few emails, with some photos attached in either direction, and have a phone call lined up, but after some tough events in my life I bail, because I feel uncomfortable with the whole thing. What spooked me was that she could ostensibly get so aroused without any of the normal cues: visual, body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, you name it. I found it difficult to credit that she was legitimately into me purely from the words I wrote (plus my profile photo I guess). But your history, Estate, suggests otherwise: it seems it really happens. Maybe I wrote this one off too easily.

-Marty

 

[Estate]

I don't know Marty. I've heard of those things before, like spam emails from Russian girls and girls out of state or something who are incredibly into you and invite you to join some website or go to their private page or messanger. Those tend to be scams.

I had met this girl at a bar/club so at least I knew she was real

With the online thing, if they want to direct you somewhere off the site but not a phone number, I would be suspect of it too.