Calls & Texts Texts: Avoiding pointless texts- how to balance

[Godsninja]

Hey guys, been a little while since I posted. I'm getting texts from a girl and I don't really want to reply to them. We already have a date set up today, but she seems adiment on getting to know me via text, something I know doesn't work. I get it though, I just asked for her number in a fast food joint, right before heading out, and with next to no convo (besides her taking my order, food talk, etc).

>> I even told her that I'm not much of a texter (I just want to use it for logistics) <<

So where I stand is, I don't want to seem rude, but I don't really want to reply to her texts which inquire to get to know me better. I HAVE been replying, except when it's late. And then I won't even reply in the morning. So yea, I'm looking for some input on someone who's found a real good balance with texting, and what to do in this situation.

Thanks, and hopefully I didn't repeat a question that has already been asked. If so, just redirect me.

 

[Franco]

Godsninja,

Yeah, this is a tough one to balance out. The only way to improve is with practice and experience. Generally, if you get the phone number of a girl really fast to the point where she feels she hardly knows anything about you, you might have to engage in a bit of conversation with her over text to make her feel more comfortable meeting you again in person.

It sounds like you're handling it reasonably well, though. The idea is to not respond extremely often (because you're a busy man, right?) and respond with warm texts that don't give her too much information. Also, one easy way to deflect her from digging deeper is just to turn around the same question on her:

Her: So what kinds of things do you like to do in your free time?
Me: I definitely enjoy going to the beach when the weather calls for it! But I'm pretty versatile; if something cool comes up, I'll keep my options open . What about you, Jess?
Her: Cool! I love the beach too. I'm the same way! I'll see what's going on and then decide from there
Me: Haha, that's awesome. Great minds think alike
Her: Indeed.

Notice how my last text doesn't dig "deeper" but instead ends the conversation on a warm note (rewarding her investment by saying "awesome" and then throwing in a smiley emoticon to show warmth). At that point, she'll have to make a decision: "do I keep texting and asking him questions to learn more, or do I think I have enough information to see that this guy is not a creeper, and I can go on a date with him?" At the same time, she'll want to be conscious about being too overbearing and texting you TOO much, which is actually a good thing because it causes her to invest mental cycles thinking about not scaring you away with clingy-ness, thus painting you as a higher value man.

The thing is to never appear "put off" by the amount of texting she does, but you do want to refrain from getting drawn into conversations as much as possible. Taking hours to respond certainly helps this since it slows down the amount of information she can get from you. At the same time, you do want to give her warm answers so that she feels like you aren't hiding anything -- if she feels like you're trying to avoid talking to her, she's going to pick up on that, and it's going to increase the chance that she flakes on the date.

- Franco

 

[Godsninja]

Ok, thats what I'm doin, but what if they keep asking what your going to do together ? First date new girl.

edit: half cuz I don't have a main idea, I just wing it and see where things go and half cuz I wouldn't want to tell her anyway

 

[Godsninja]

I wrote a field report about my last question. It's not in relation to the original topic.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10219

 

[Franco]

Godsninja,

Ok, thats what I'm doin, but what if they keep asking what your going to do together ? First date new girl.

Well, she shouldn't be asking this because you shouldn't be hiding what you two are going to be doing together!

From the get-go, she should already know that you want to grab drinks/coffee/yogurt/etc. with her. The details can still remain a bit foggy until it gets closer (like maybe you've given her a place, but not a time; or vice versa). But if she feels like she has no idea what you want to do with her, it's going to make her nervous because she isn't sure whether it's something she will even want to do with you.

- Franco

 

[Godsninja]

Well I'm not hiding it I just had a stupid idea in my head, combined with the fact that I can't seem to ever think of anything even remotely original when the time comes. Even yogurt, to me, is a good change from standard coffee. I just don't like being plain, all the time, I bet bored from it. And now that you say yogurt, it seems kind of like a smack in the face because there's a yogurt place across the road from the campus that I've never been to.

I get your point though.

 

[Godsninja]

I think I should say, I got that stupid idea from this site. I didn't formulate the idea to withhold date information from my date by myself, I read it from Chase or Ricardus or someone else on one of their posts.

I don't want to bother with any of this line of thinking anymore. I think I've read way too much garbage, and now I've learned to do all this shit the wrong way. Even learning. I'm coming back to other people when I could just, not. I fucked up because of external influences. This makes me really angry. It's harder to unlearn than to learn, who the fuck knows what else I believe that is just completely wrong?

 

[Big Daddy]

Hey guys,

I was looking for some advice on this because I ALWAYS feel like I'm punishing them for investing. Case in point: I recently matched (Tinder) with a girl from my gym. And she's HAWT, literally the hottest girl I'd bang in my life if I don't screw up.

I didn't even recognize her. She talked to me first after we matched and eventually mentioned "hey, I think we go to the same gym". She was very warm and I got her number and we switched to text. I'm already talking to a fwb of mine that needs some maintenance, some other girls I got numbers from and her, so I'm not paying that much attention to her. Plus, I have the text notification disabled on my phone so I only look it when I feel like it -- i.e., not reactive to a girl sending me texts.

The thing is, she invests a lot over text. She sent me a pic of her watching Netflix while she drank coffee because the day before I asked if she liked coffee (so I could ask her out), she sent me a voice message explaining something I asked her over text, she's elaborating a lot in her replies and the text ratio is about 3:1.

I set up the date to a week from now because she's busy, as it seems. Right after that she asks my last name and I wait for a couple of hours to reply to her. I don't want to give details about myself prior to the date, but I'm at a crossroads:

- I consider myself a master of texting due to years of playing online RPGs. I have an easier time setting up proper sexual and chase frames through texts than I do in real life. Up to this day, I don't feel like refraining from texting girls have led to flakes, cold texts, etc

OR

- Do things GC style and stop texting her and always go for logistics then don't engage in convos over text. This otherwise has lead to flakes if the date is too far away (e.g., 5+ days) after I built enough comfort to set up a date if I don't keep texting the girl during those 5+ days

I'm going with GC route, so I chose to playfully flirt with her and create some intrigue that I don't if I came off too awkward or too afraid to answer her. She's investing a lot so I thought I had some room to be more of an asshole and be forgiven. It went like this:

Me: Kay, Saturday at 4 pm then.

Her: Cool
Her: What's your last name?

Me: Haha, let's leave the details to when we can talk face-to-face
Me (fearing that she might think I don't give a fuck to her): Generally I don't check my phone that much [which is true; notifications are disabled. Outright stating this kills the intrigue as why I'm not replying her texts but...]
Me: Even so after my power button broke, so I can't let my phone run out of battery otherwise I can't turn it on again [which is true to an extent; I just wanted to give a good excuse that I could show her during the date. Plus I use this as an excuse for we to chat in my car while my phone charges ]

EDIT: she just replied this after a couple of hours:

Her: Oh, got it
Her: I was going to tag you on something I saw on Facebook, that's why I asked your last name

I can't help but feel like I punished this poor girl for investing on me I was going to ask her what's that to save her face, but I don't have Facebook anymore so it would seem that I'm this weirdo that doesn't like to text or have Facebook

It's been a couple of hours and she didn't reply to my text. I probably should wait a few days to see if she's cold or DTF, but this girls is gorgeous. Really, really, really hot so I don't want to fuck this up. We probably won't meet at the gym since I rarely go when she goes, and now I'll deliberately will avoid running into her there. Should I lightly text her the following days and make her a invest? Leave it alone? What should I do?

 

[Godsninja]

You should just do whatever feels right. You seem like your young, because if I got that sort of investment from a girl I find that attractive, I wouldn't be worrying about it because I would know that she likes me. And if it turned out that she didn't well, as the saying goes, all girls are the same...

I want to say, you're way over thinking this, and...

I can't help but feel like I punished this poor girl for investing on me I was going to ask her what's that to save her face, but I don't have Facebook anymore so it would seem that I'm this weirdo that doesn't like to text or have Facebook

I don't have facebook either! And if I wrote a post this elaborate, I'd start feeling sorry for myself, because I would now be more invested...mentally, emotionally, etc..

It's been a couple of hours and she didn't reply to my text. I probably should wait a few days to see if she's cold or DTF, but this girls is gorgeous. Really, really, really hot so I don't want to fuck this up. We probably won't meet at the gym since I rarely go when she goes, and now I'll deliberately will avoid running into her there. Should I lightly text her the following days and make her a invest? Leave it alone? What should I do?

Maybe you left something out, but it seemed like you didn't reply to her text..? Well, I wouldn't deliberately try to avoid running into her. I don't know what kind of guy you are, if you get a lot of attention from girls, but if you like her, then why not just be real with her? Personal opinion is to not do it through text (I just don't like text, no real human contact..). As for how you are going to do what, that's what makes life interesting.

Take a chill pill. If all else fails, just leave it alone, on your own terms.

But......you already know the answers to your own questions if you just chill and think about it.

 

[Big Daddy]

because if I got that sort of investment from a girl I find that attractive, I wouldn't be worrying about it because I would know that she likes me. And if it turned out that she didn't well, as the saying goes, all girls are the same...

I get what you're saying. I look a little bitchy in my last post because I was being really asshole (would ignore her questions; regardless of her answer I'd always push for logistics, etc) and I thought I accidentally put the hottest girl I'd bang in my life into auto-rejection because she didn't reply. She's really, really hot and that made me a little needy.

But now that she replied I'm OK. I didn't reply to her yet but I will in the future to lightly communicate that I care about her and want to see her. I don't wanna run into her in the gym because she's been asking me the entire fucking time whether I'll be at the gym at X o'clock and I think it'll be fun to see her only on the date.

In fact, I got a little carried away by this girl in particular and I ended up distracting from the real issue here: I always feel like I'm punishing girls for not "letting" them text. If she was pushing for my personal details all the time I get it would be useful, but if a girl is investing a lot in me through text, why not let her do it until our date?

As I said, I spent my teenage years playing MMORPGs and I'm quite comfortable chatting with people over the Internet, the lack of "human contact" doesn't exactly bother me, so I wonder if that more of personal opinion or I'm doing more harm than good if I keep texting her?

P.S. Keep in mind that I abide by some basic laws that makes text more interesting (don't reply right away, always pushing for sexual topics, chase framing, sexual banter, etc)

 

[Godsninja]

I think that something like this would really teach you to not care (if you just let her go). It seems like you care way too much.
At the same time, you sound like you know what's going on.

I see what you're saying about running into her at the gym. Don't worry too much about this..trust me.. you have a lot less control over things than you realize.
Anyone who says otherwise is a control freak, and will die young from the stress of worrying about everything.

If you want her, then put in that little bit of effort to get something more out of her.

However, at the end of the day, only you know best..

 

[Lawliet]

@BD I see why you're avoiding meeting up with her at the gym, but why not?
It might not necessarily be a friend thing, in fact being at a gym allows good physical contact and her seeing your manly side.
Better, she sees your social status if you know people there!

Then, a little rapport after workout, and then see what happens. Pull her in and push for some warm sweaty workout.
If it doesn't impede your process, no need to ignore it.

@ OP
Phone call anyone?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/tacti ... -t-pan-out

Yours,
Lawliet