FR Thanks, and first date from a number pull since Girls Chase

[PatriotsRule]

So I have to first say thanks to all that contribute to Girls Chase. While this date was not a love connection or ending in sex like I hoped, it was still something that probably never would have even been a thought before I started reading the site. I've already learned so much and become so much more confident in myself in the almost three months since I discovered the site. It feels good to know that this is my life now and this is who I am now because despite failures along every step so far I have discovered a side to me that I always wanted but never knew how to bring out. Thanks everyone and here's to more to come.


On to the report...

Went to the bank yesterday and had an attractive teller [19 year old Uruguayan chick that has lived in Mass most of her life] that I was chatting with a bit so I asked for her number at the end of the transaction. She said no which she told me tonight was because her boss was right there behind her, but today she friended me on facebook so I messaged her and we met up. Here's the message exchange with commentary on my thought process (my commentary is in asterisks. not part of the messages):

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Me: Hey there Jen [last name], youre a persistent one about opening that checking account eh? *when I asked for her number she said 'i can't really do that right now' with a conflicted smile and then tried to get me to open a checking account or something lol*

Her: My manager was right there! You were the perfect target!

Me: How flattering! well how about we grab a bite sometime, and if youre lucky ill let you hit the target this time...What's your schedule like?

Her: Terrible mon-sat

Me: Any evenings free this week? I work until 4 on weeknights except I work late fridays

Her: I know the restaurant life haha and idk I don't usually link up with strangers

Me: True, we just met, but i know id enjoy the experience of getting to know you better over some food or even coffee somewhere. We'll have fun *i felt really good about this message before i heard back from her*

Her: What are you up to tonight? I go in late tomorrow

Me: Im just picking up my car from the shop now, and then im free if you want to meet up

Her: Wah makes me a little nervous lol but my friend just cancelled on me for her boyfriend

Me: We'll be meeting in a public place so you feel more at ease Lets grab a coffee, maybe at a starbucks nearby you?

Her: In [her town]?

Me: That works for me, is there a specific one you wanna go to?

Her: I'm at my internship and I won't be out til 7. The one in [her town] is wicked close to me! But are you sure you wanna drive 20 minutes for coffee with me

Me: Oh its nothing i used to make that drive a lot! *lie* What time works for you?

Her: Does 7 work for you?

Me: Sure does where is the starbucks in [her town] theres usually a few in every town haha

Her: Um right next to the mall

Me: Perfect. Ill see ya soon mamacita

Her: Lol hokay text me when you're there

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I will do my best to remember details of the date but honestly I can't remember every line like some of the FR's I've read on here. This will be more of a summary/self-analysis of the night with a few lines here and there that I can remember/cite.

So i meet her there and she starts off with a nervous smile/laugh and, "This is the most awkward thing I've ever done!"

...not exactly what I wanted to hear as I met her...and unfortunately this was pretty much the tone for the night. [Is this a common occurrence with younger girls? Is a coffee date too low key/serious for younger girls?] There were moments where she would flirt and she seemed comfortable with me touching her (but most of it was pretty innocent touching: touching her elbow or hand, leading her by the small of her back in and out of the restaurant, legs touching [not rubbing] under the table, etc.) but most of the time I had to work hard trying to make her feel comfortable and she spent a lot of time fiddling with her phone, checking snapchat, texting her girlfriend that she said cancelled on her, or whatever else she was doing on the thing. 3/4 of the way through the date her phone actually died. And she didn't even put it away. She kept fiddling around with it on the table.

I honestly think she had a good time with me but the situation of a date like this made her really uncomfortable. I wish I had done a better job calming her down so that I could ramp up the flirty/sexual vibe. But it never really got going because her nerves made her break any sort of tension. She really struggled with holding eye contact when it got any deeper than just casual conversational eye contact, like flirty eye contact or pauses in the conversation. I personally think I did the best I could with not breaking eye contact but a few times I felt like I need to throw in a little break to the side so I didn't seem so intense all the time.

So most of the conversation was actually pretty good in the sense that we got to know each other pretty well (she did most of the talking for sure, in a good way). I'm pretty naturally good at deep diving and following up on topics and relating to people because I genuinely like making deep connections with people, and I listen to a ton of talk radio so I have learned a lot about digging deep and asking tough questions that a lot of people wouldn't think to ask. But without enough of a flirty/playful vibe to balance things out the conversation got a little stale toward the end of the date. She did open up when I asked her questions about family, ambitions, hobbies, travel, things like that (I looked up the 8 questions to ask article, one of my favorite articles btw, on the drive over there and threw in a few of those).

At one point in the conversation (sorry, I can't exactly remember what I said to get her to respond with this, I fucking wish I did because this comment intrigued me greatly, and threw me off a little bit in the moment), she said, "You are a pretty straightforward guy, aren't you?" Upon reflection, I think this is her showing that she was impressed with my comfort in the 'almost-blind-date' (as she called it) setting, but I am not really sure.

Anyway, so this is the gist of pretty much the whole date. We laughed, talked and connected, flirted a little bit but not nearly as intensely as I wanted, and then at the end of the night, we left the place and I walked her to her car. I took both her elbows in my hands and pulled her closed to me and asked her if she wanted to head back to her place but she said a quick 'nope' with the same conflicted smile she showed when I asked for her number at the bank, I persisted a couple times but got the same 'nope' each time. She gave me a little hug that I hardly reciprocated (not in a bitter way, more like a nonchalant way) and then I asked one more time, then said goodnight and we parted ways. [Should I have kissed her? Lately every time I kiss a girl the tension dies, exactly like I've read about. But can a good kiss be a date-saver? I'm a very confident kisser I think I'm pretty good, and usually hear so from every girl I kiss.]

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Overall, I think the night was a success, certainly not in the short term because I'm jerkin' it tonight, but in the long run because it was a great learning experience. This report might not sound like it but I truly think I did the best I could considering the tone set from the beginning, the knowledge I currently have about dating girls in this situation (dunno if I've ever really been on a grab-a-number-and-date kind of date now that I think about it), and the past experience I have to date a girl like this. And to give a short and sweet bottom line, I never would have gone on a blind/almost blind date with this hot of a girl if it weren't for what I have learned and practiced in the past three months.

Thanks for reading, and all comments/criticisms/fuck yous are welcome! Have a great night everyone.


-Ben

 

[Marty]

Hey PatriotsRule,

I'm very happy to hear of this success on your part. It feels good to get a date off of a cold approach! I know you were concerned about the number decline, but it seems as if her looking you up on Facebook using the name from your deposit slip indicated curiosity about you at the very least, and at least some level of investment. I'm delighted to learn that you managed to convert this into a date (your messaging is excellent by the way).

I wouldn't necessarily be upset by her nervousness. Think about it from her perspective. She's a bank teller... in the back of her mind at the very least must be a tiny suspicion that this attractive stranger might be deploying his charm to get near the money, by entangling an unsuspecting person on the inside. Remember also that she's in the country "on sufferance" as a foreign citizen—anything like that would look far worse for her.

Plus, she's very young as you mention, and probably sees you as something of an authority figure, causing nervousness (of a good kind) in itself. How old are you, Ben?

To my mind, if you encounter again such phrases as "You're very direct, aren't you?", you can reply something like this: "Yes! And is that a good thing?" Apart from anything else, that'll give you an inkling of where you stand.

Hoping you can meet her again and escalate further—to be honest I think she was expecting a kiss, though you're in a better place to judge. Did you remember to get her phone number this time?

-Marty

 

[NarrowJ]

Ben,

Great job, overall! Your attempt to pull her could have went better, though.

Anyway, so this is the gist of pretty much the whole date. We laughed, talked and connected, flirted a little bit but not nearly as intensely as I wanted, and then at the end of the night, we left the place and I walked her to her car. I took both her elbows in my hands and pulled her closed to me and asked her if she wanted to head back to her place but she said a quick 'nope' with the same conflicted smile she showed when I asked for her number at the bank, I persisted a couple times but got the same 'nope' each time. She gave me a little hug that I hardly reciprocated (not in a bitter way, more like a nonchalant way) and then I asked one more time, then said goodnight and we parted ways.

Since you didn't provide paraphrasing of the actual conversation here, I don't know how this exact bit went down. But, it seems your actions (grabbing her, and pulling her into you) combined with your direct asking her if she wanted to head back to her place (assuming you just said "Hey, let's go back to your place") was way, way too aggressive for a girl who seemed a little nervous about meeting you in the first place. The undertone is simply "Hey, let's go to your house and fuck", which usually doesn't work anyway... even if the girl isn't somewhat unsure about you... which this girl still seemed to be, at least at this point.

When you go to pull a girl, you need to offer some interesting activity. Not just "Let's head back to your place", which just let's the cat out of the bag entirely. Also, use a yes ladder. A pull attempt should look more like this:

You: You're having a good time?
Her: Yes, definitely!
You: I think it's too early for the night to end, don't you?
Her: Yes, it's still early
You: Well, we can head back to my place if you'd like? I want to show you those photos I told you about, from when I went to Australia.
Her: Sounds good, but I can only stay for a little while.
You: No problem! Alright, lets go...

What you've accomplished there is:
1) You don't kill the mystery: She isn't 100% sure you're going to make a move just yet. Maybe you really just want to show her pictures? It's like where she's reading one of her smutty romance novels... "OMG is he going to kiss her? Will it be hot? What's gonna happen???? I have to know now!! I have to keep reading!"
2) She might need some plausible deniability: i.e., "Well we were just going to look at some photos on his laptop, and it just happened"
3) Using a yes-ladder: Oldest sales trick in the book. It gets her saying yes and thus basically "programs" her brain to say yes when you ask her to come to your house with you.



And more, on kissing at the end of a date:

[Should I have kissed her? Lately every time I kiss a girl the tension dies, exactly like I've read about. But can a good kiss be a date-saver? I'm a very confident kisser I think I'm pretty good, and usually hear so from every girl I kiss.]

What I do (learned from Franco, thank you ) is this:

1) Use pull attempt like outlined above.
2) If she says no, then I persist a couple of times.
3) If she still says no, I make sure to kiss her on the mouth before we part.

Very important here with kissing at the end of the date: You want to pull out of the kiss first. A lot of guys try to get some big makeout session going, and they basically try to get as much as they can out of it. You're chasing hard if you do that, and the girl will eventually leave going "whoa, ok. I just dodged a bullet there!" I mean, eventually you'll just kind of calibrate yourself such that you'll pretty much know what you can get away with, with any given girl. But, just make sure you give her a nice kiss on the mouth and also be sure you're the first one to pull away. Then, just look her in the eye seductively (maybe take her hand) and say goodbye, and turn around walk away.

Here's what you've accomplished by doing all of that. You tried to take her home, even persisted, and she said no. You gave her a nice kiss at the end, probably left her wanting more (if you pulled back first), and you've also left her wondering what would have happened if she did go back to your place with you. She'll probably be at home playing with herself later, thinking about you while doing it and wishing she would have come along with you. She knows what's going to happen the next time you guys meet up, and she's probably eagerly anticipating it.


Hope that helps, man!
NJ