OR  The Anti-Ghost Who Couldnʼt Protect Me from 20 Years Away From Home

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
305
 
The Anti-Ghost

I often would walk the 14 miles/23km home from downtown, but Iʼd already done that and more the day before, and I needed home quicker. Which would normally mean, take the underground train.

But on this particular Friday, I was in the midst of a WhatsApp chat, and the underground would cut that off, so I took a streetcar instead, to buy some reception time. I didnʼt pay much attention to what streetcar I was taking — they all end up meeting the underground sooner or later, anyway.

So I was just chillinʼ nonchalantly by an open window in the briefly stopped streetcar, surveying the scenery on this sunny day, when it happened.

A group of variably tall women were walking along the sidewalk nearby, and my eyes somehow locked onto one of them.

A very dark-skinned black girl with that unmistakable babyface look of a South Sudanese. (For examples, see Nyakim Gatwech or Adut Akech.) Very pretty. She wore cornrows, though itʼs maybe more common to see them in a very short-cropped Afro.

Well, anyone who follows my posts knows that I have a huge crush on South Sudanese girls! My lovechild will pop out of one if I can possibly help it.

Man, we wuz checkinʼ each other hard! We only broke eye contact when our paths lost line of sight.

I do really wonder if my particular genetic makeup is such that Iʼd have the best chances at a strong, healthy child with a South Sudanese girl, over other types. Because not only do I seem to have a remarkably strong instinctive attraction to them, but the couple data points I now have suggest that they may be particularly receptive to me, too. Their look is very dissimilar to mine. Opposites attract, they say.

The sad thing is, this is only the third one Iʼve seen with my own eyes. Thatʼs how rare they are here.

The first one I spotted, last spring, probably didnʼt even realize Iʼd noticed her. Avoided her because I knew where she worked and wanted to save her for when my game was better — and then the store she worked in closed down. The second one I spotted, last summer, I approached the same day; that actually went fairly well apart from a strange incomplete close and then her disappearing from her workplace. (She wasnʼt technically South Sudanese, but close enough.)

This one here I was eye-fucking was hotter than the one Iʼd actually met.

This girl certainly wasnʼt short — I donʼt think they even come in short! Interestingly, however, she wasnʼt the tallest one in the group. Interesting because I usually jump on the tallest, darkest creature in the room that doesnʼt have a dick, lol. (Part of the reason I go nuts over South Sudanese women, though actually I find their facial features even more hypnotizing than their height.) I think the other ones were South Sudanese as well — there mustʼve been four or five girls in all — but for some reason I didnʼt really look at the other ones, though I almost wish I had, just for the intel. I donʼt really know what drew my eye to that particular one so intently, but the attraction was just magnetic.

Of course, I was looking at her so intently because I wanted to empty my balls into her. Intuitively, I think she understood that. I hope Iʼm right; this is a very multicultural city, but I have heard in other places of South Sudanese women getting stared at like they were a freak of nature. A lot of these ladies have a skin tone like black coffee, which is unusual even for black people, especially in the West.

I had initially paid no attention to where I was, but seeing more South Sudanese women in one group than Iʼd directly seen in total in my life before, certainly made me take note of my whereabouts!

And that information turned out to be significant. Because this was a part of the city that prior research had told me a significant fraction of our very small South Sudanese population just might be found in. So, seeing these ladies at this particular intersection represented some hope of meeting South Sudanese girls regularly in my own city — something I had long deemed to be impossible.


Could I Find More?

What made this area significant, was one of the only little tidbits of information I was able to gather on‑line about where in my city I might find South Sudanese. This had been a rather elusive matter, with very little mention made anywhere — probably due to their rarity.

Thereʼs a South Sudanese church congregation that doesnʼt have their own building but has used other spaces. (That they donʼt have their own building doesnʼt say much for their numbers; my city sports many permanent churches of various other immigrant commnuities.) One of those spaces is way out at the other end of the city, where they are hosted by some other traditional church. However, another space that was mentioned was a community center located on the same street where I had seen these girls, about 2km/1.3mi away.

Where I had seen these girls was close to downtown. They were on one of the major streets where it bounded an area of about three by two main city blocks, comprising a neighbourhood of mixed-density residential that has long been a subsidized housing project but more recently has had some mixed development.

I decided to go walk around the area and see if I could spot any South Sudanese girls. I went on a Saturday and got into the neighbourhood a little before 2:30pm and stayed to nearly 8pm. However, instead of just hanging out in the housing neighbourhood, I decided to split my time between there, a mall directly across from the aforementioned community center, and the 1mi/1.6km tract of street connecting the two.

The mall was not very impressive. Itʼs somewhat of a regional mall, but at some 450,000 square feet, itʼs only mildly larger than typical local malls. The malls where I have done most of my approaching in are large regional malls, of 1.3 and 1.7 million square feet. I spent about an hour in there. Somewhat chickened out about five times and didnʼt talk to any girls, but generally there werenʼt a lot of black girls in there anyway. From the outside, the place seemed to have a fair amount of traffic, but inside it didnʼt seem all that busy. I suspect a lot of the traffic was to the supermarket, which I didnʼt go in.

The community center itself had a small park beside it, which was somewhat busy but not too useful. I didnʼt actually go in the community center, but it wasnʼt large and didnʼt seem at all busy from the outside.

The street between the mall and the housing neighbourhood was busy, but not that interesting. It passes through one of the cityʼs Chinatowns. Only spotted a few black girls, and approaching most of them wasnʼt convenient.

The housing neighbourhood was a bit more interesting.

One of the main streets bounding it, adjacent to downtown, had a definite East African presence, although a lot of that was Ethiopian and Somali — neither of which are very hard to come by in my city in general. (I find Somali girls fairly attractive, but itʼs not like I have to traipse halfway across the city to find those.) I did see one or two old men, one in particular somewhat tallish, lanky, and dark, and in Muslim attire, who I would probably put, if I had to guess, on Sudanese (i.e., the Arab‑dominated country South Sudan recently split from).

A more interesting sighting I made on the opposite perimeter of the housing area: an older gentleman, tall, pretty dark, and most interestingly, somehow reminded me of John Garang, who spearheaded South Sudanʼs independence from Sudan. I am admittedly much more attuned to womensʼ faces, so Iʼm not as certain as I might be with a woman, but if I had to guess, I suspect fairly strongly that he was South Sudanese. I was across the street from him, but a little while after passing him I crossed and decided to hang out in a park in front of one of the apartment buildings where I halfway suspected he may have passed, but when I got there, heʼd disappeared somewhere else.

Unfortunately, he was the only sighting I made that day of anyone Iʼd strongly suspect to be South Sudanese. Didnʼt even see, let alone talk to, any South Sudanese girls.

Actually, itʼs mildly possible I may have seen one, but Iʼm not sure. Iʼd been making a point the whole day of scanning all the streetcars and buses that passed by. The demographic therein was for the most part pretty uninteresting. However, there was one case where I spotted a fairly tall and fairly dark black girl who attracted my attention, but I wasnʼt able to get a good enough look at her face due to the direction she was standing. So, I could only put her on “not implausible”.

I also wove my way through some of the smaller streets in the housing neighbourhood and passed through a fairly large recreational park. In doing so, I did see a fair number of black girls, but mostly just the usual Caribbean and West African demographic typical of my cityʼs black people. No South Sudanese. I didnʼt take any approaches, as unfortunately all of the black girls I ran into were either in a set with guys, or tending to kids in the playground.

I gave up around 8pm, partly from being tired from the day before, but also because the streets in the interesting areas had become surprisingly quiet for a summer Saturday evening.


Outcome

Although interestingly I had spotted what I suspected to be a South Sudanese guy, possibly validating my suspicion they might be more common in this area, I was still left with the feeling that wandering this neighbourhood was not even a particularly efficient way of meeting even just black girls, let alone South Sudanese girls.

Unfortunately, I donʼt think thereʼs any reliable way to meet South Sudanese girls in my city.

The figure Iʼve seen is that my city has around 2,100 South Sudanese people.

If I suppose that a quarter of them are both female and of reasonable age, and that two-thirds of those are at least worth talking to, then that only leaves 350 women! Supposing, rather unrealistically, that I could somehow meet them all, then I might at very best be able to fuck about 18 of them, based on my present observations that I either did or could probably have fucked about 1 out of 20 women Iʼve met. Of those 18, how many of those would I even want to knock up? I do really favour South Sudanese women for that purpose, but itʼs not like I like all of them that much! 20% of the ones Iʼd fuck, would be pretty optimistic. Thatʼd only leave 3 or 4 of them!!! I donʼt know what the success ratio is on trying to knock up a girl, in terms of whether sheʼll actually let you, but Iʼd have to think 1 in 4 is probably too high, at least in developed countries.

If there are actually only 2,100 South Sudanese people in my city, then, from the above, I donʼt think having a baby in my city is even remotely likely to happen the way I want it to.

But that figure is dubious. From what I can tell, itʼs from fairly old data. And from what I understand, their numbers are probably under‑reported, because, for instance, a South Sudanese person who had been living in the Kakuma refugee camp in Kenya, would often be reported as a Kenyan, not a South Sudanese. From what Iʼve read, the official figures may underestimate their numbers by as much as six times.

On the other hand, the numbers may have also conflated South Sudanese and Sudanese people, since many refugees arrived prior to the southʼs independence and so theyʼve often been considered as a single unit, though theyʼre distinct people. Many immigrants from the former Sudan will have been Arab northerners.

But even if there were 12,600 South Sudanese people in my city, Iʼd have to operate with tremendous efficiency and/or luck in order to knock one up here. Iʼd probably have to somehow meet or at least spot a large majority of the South Sudanese women living here.

While interesting, recent observations still donʼt give me much confidence that I can do that.


Life Implications

Forgetting South Sudanese girls for a second, because theyʼre more of a concern after Iʼve mastered game, Iʼm going to turn to a more basic problem.

Here in the West, approach anxiety has been sucking the life out of my game. I can get dates and sex with reasonable percentages of the girls I cold approach, but I just canʼt seem to approach nearly enough girls! I can spend all day in a busy megamall and only talk to 2 or 3 girls, in spite of having noticed several dozen Iʼd have wanted to approach. And thatʼs a plateau Iʼve been at for well over a year.

I have to suspect that black girls being only 10% of the girls around me is a major contributing factor, since Iʼll only touch black girls. As such, I decided a while back to move to Africa for a while as a way to overcome approach anxiety, since black girls are so common there that even being fairly shy, I could still talk to a lot in a day, and Iʼd probably become less shy, too.

Thatʼs certainly a big life shake-up, but one which I have plans to handle in as least disruptive a manner as possible. Itʼs also something Iʼd love to do from the adventure standpoint.

One important component to that, is that I can come back here and pick up where I left off whenever I want. So, maybe I live there a year or two. Maybe more if I feel like it, but I can play it by ear. Iʼm not 100% sure that I wouldnʼt fall back into scarcity mode once coming home, due to black girls still being a minority here, but itʼs hard to say. With enough positive reference points, maybe not.

However, once you add South Sudanese girls back into the picture, things get really complicated. Because I really want to have a kid with one.

But I also have some strong viewpoints against monogamy and providership. I do want to take an equal role in raising my kid, but I donʼt want to live with the mother or support her. (The kid, yes, but the mother is a grown human being who should be suporting herself and helping support the kid.) I want to share custody evenly, ideally.

That creates a very significant catch: whatever place I meet the mother in is the place Iʼll have to raise the kid in, unless the mother moves of her own devices.

That basically means that I have no choice but to live in East Africa for the next maybe 20 years!

Unless, that is, I could find the baby mother in my own city, but that presently seems unlikely due to how rare South Sudanese are here.

Well, I probably wouldʼve had to move, anyway, just to work on the approach anxiety. But there are other things I could try against approach anxiety, albeit less potent. But is it even worth trying those things? They seem like a waste of time, especially if Iʼm inevitably going to wind up living in Africa anyway, due to there being too few South Sudanese here.

Furthermore, trying to run game here carries an additional risk if I do succeed: I might happen to knock up something other than a South Sudanese beauty. (No birth control method is perfect!) Doing that in my city would likely harm my chances of ever knocking up a South Sudanese girl, a lot more than it would in an East African city. (Knocking up one girl doesnʼt preclude knocking up another, but it does more or less force me to live in her city indefinitely so I can be there for the kid.)

Being forced to stay abroad for a singnificant part of my life does have some serious downsides. I may lose certain significant advantages I have cultivated at home. And the best large city in which to find South Sudanese outside their own war‑torn country is probably Kampala, in neighboring Uganda, but, while liveable, itʼs not the most well‑developed place in East Africa, and itʼs also got bad air pollution. As such, if I could get a South Sudanese baby mother in my own city, Iʼd probably want to do that. But it seems improbable.

Life is so complicated!
 
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