Haven’t written any of these for a while, mainly because I don’t like writing.
Today I noticed I was having trouble concentrating. I was having lunch with a friend, and kept getting distracted by girls walking by. I took that as a hint that I needed to get laid. After dinner I decided I should head to the bar. It took me a couple hours of procrastinating, but eventually I left the house around 11:30.
Biking up the main street, it turns out the only place that was open on a Monday night is the place I wanted to go to anyway. It’s this dingy place in a basement, with a DJ and a dance floor, plus a few places to sit down and a pool table. It’s the main place where people my age (19-25) go to hook up.
Got to the bar at 11:45, by myself. I drank some water, got a beer, sat down, and otherwise killed time. After my second beer, I headed over to the pool table. Things started to look up from here.
I started talking to some guys at the pool table, which was good because I’d barely talked at all since I’d got there. After hanging out at the pool table for a while, I go to the dance floor and actually get into it a bit, not feeling awkward like I don’t know what to do. This girl grabs my leg and then points to some guy and says he did it. Then she bumps in to me and says ‘oops, sorry’. She’s short and a bit pudgy.
Later, I’m still on the dance floor and some girl says hi and we start talking. She’s also not very sexy. We talk for about 20 seconds, and then her friend says something. I say her friend’s probably gonna drag her away. She says they’re going to do a shot, and come if I want. I say okay and don’t go with them.
I feel like I’m performing when I talk to people - I naturally talk quietly, so I have to project my voice for people to hear me. It’s fun sometimes, but sometimes I feel like I’m overdoing it.
Later I’m back at the pool table and talk to this guy there. Turns out he’s from Germany, so I talk to him and his buddy and we speak some german.
I talk to this guy in the bathroom; he says he was here last night and hooked up with 2 chicks, and shows me hickeys on his neck. Then as we’re leaving he says ‘you need a wingman, buddy’ and I say ‘ya, but I can just talk to this girl’ who happens to be standing 3 feet away from me. This girl’s actually decent looking. Turns out she’s in college for nursing. I say “you’re gonna be a nurse, a sexy nurse?” and she complains about how nurses have to wear these ugly rags. Somehow I end up saying my birthday’s coming up, and she’s like “you’re saggitarius” and I’m “Saggitarius? Naw, Virgo” or something like that. I say she should buy me a drink, she’s like no way and looks away. I pull her in, get really close to her face, ask her if she’s ever bought a guy a drink before, she says ya, and things go downhill after that. She ends up leaving, and says ‘find me later’ and I say ‘you find me later’, she says ‘maybe’. Anyway she leaves and I’m feeling pretty good. Then I go get some water and run into her again but go somewhere else - finished with her.
Back to the pool table. There’s this girl holding the cue, but not doing anything with it, so I walk up to grab it from her but she won’t let me have it. This starts a ruckus and some guy comes after me and the girl ends up swinging the cue at me. The guy says I’m being a bit of a dick, but he ends up telling me that the girl is his best friend and they’ve started seeing each other, and it’s not happening. I’m thinking ‘why’d you bring her to the bar of all places? rookie mistake’ but don’t actually say this.
Anyway, I leave not long after that - about 1pm. On my way home, a bolt flies up from the road and gets caught in my spokes, making me fall on my hands and scrape them. But I eventually get home, and I can still type so it’s OK.
I’m glad I made it out tonight. Even if I didn’t go home with a girl, I still got some social momentum going and talked to some girls. I’d say that the biggest success of the night was talking to the nursing student, which reminded me that talking to girls is as simple as walking up to them and talking to them. But I learned a few other things, too: for one thing, that pool table’s gonna come in handy as a way to get social momentum going. And I got practice being fun. Tonight I was probably just fun enough to not be a drain on other people’s fun, but in the future I can start being the source of other people’s fun and getting more control over things that way. Slap me in the face if it sounds like I’m overthinking things
Right now I’m still a virgin, but I feel that’s gonna change in the next month or two. One thing that’s holding me back is I’m afraid to lower my standards, and want my first time to be special. And until I have sex, I can keep pretending that I’m gonna be good at it.
One things for sure: it’s gonna be tough to concentrate for the next little while.
Michael
Today I noticed I was having trouble concentrating. I was having lunch with a friend, and kept getting distracted by girls walking by. I took that as a hint that I needed to get laid. After dinner I decided I should head to the bar. It took me a couple hours of procrastinating, but eventually I left the house around 11:30.
Biking up the main street, it turns out the only place that was open on a Monday night is the place I wanted to go to anyway. It’s this dingy place in a basement, with a DJ and a dance floor, plus a few places to sit down and a pool table. It’s the main place where people my age (19-25) go to hook up.
Got to the bar at 11:45, by myself. I drank some water, got a beer, sat down, and otherwise killed time. After my second beer, I headed over to the pool table. Things started to look up from here.
I started talking to some guys at the pool table, which was good because I’d barely talked at all since I’d got there. After hanging out at the pool table for a while, I go to the dance floor and actually get into it a bit, not feeling awkward like I don’t know what to do. This girl grabs my leg and then points to some guy and says he did it. Then she bumps in to me and says ‘oops, sorry’. She’s short and a bit pudgy.
Later, I’m still on the dance floor and some girl says hi and we start talking. She’s also not very sexy. We talk for about 20 seconds, and then her friend says something. I say her friend’s probably gonna drag her away. She says they’re going to do a shot, and come if I want. I say okay and don’t go with them.
I feel like I’m performing when I talk to people - I naturally talk quietly, so I have to project my voice for people to hear me. It’s fun sometimes, but sometimes I feel like I’m overdoing it.
Later I’m back at the pool table and talk to this guy there. Turns out he’s from Germany, so I talk to him and his buddy and we speak some german.
I talk to this guy in the bathroom; he says he was here last night and hooked up with 2 chicks, and shows me hickeys on his neck. Then as we’re leaving he says ‘you need a wingman, buddy’ and I say ‘ya, but I can just talk to this girl’ who happens to be standing 3 feet away from me. This girl’s actually decent looking. Turns out she’s in college for nursing. I say “you’re gonna be a nurse, a sexy nurse?” and she complains about how nurses have to wear these ugly rags. Somehow I end up saying my birthday’s coming up, and she’s like “you’re saggitarius” and I’m “Saggitarius? Naw, Virgo” or something like that. I say she should buy me a drink, she’s like no way and looks away. I pull her in, get really close to her face, ask her if she’s ever bought a guy a drink before, she says ya, and things go downhill after that. She ends up leaving, and says ‘find me later’ and I say ‘you find me later’, she says ‘maybe’. Anyway she leaves and I’m feeling pretty good. Then I go get some water and run into her again but go somewhere else - finished with her.
Back to the pool table. There’s this girl holding the cue, but not doing anything with it, so I walk up to grab it from her but she won’t let me have it. This starts a ruckus and some guy comes after me and the girl ends up swinging the cue at me. The guy says I’m being a bit of a dick, but he ends up telling me that the girl is his best friend and they’ve started seeing each other, and it’s not happening. I’m thinking ‘why’d you bring her to the bar of all places? rookie mistake’ but don’t actually say this.
Anyway, I leave not long after that - about 1pm. On my way home, a bolt flies up from the road and gets caught in my spokes, making me fall on my hands and scrape them. But I eventually get home, and I can still type so it’s OK.
I’m glad I made it out tonight. Even if I didn’t go home with a girl, I still got some social momentum going and talked to some girls. I’d say that the biggest success of the night was talking to the nursing student, which reminded me that talking to girls is as simple as walking up to them and talking to them. But I learned a few other things, too: for one thing, that pool table’s gonna come in handy as a way to get social momentum going. And I got practice being fun. Tonight I was probably just fun enough to not be a drain on other people’s fun, but in the future I can start being the source of other people’s fun and getting more control over things that way. Slap me in the face if it sounds like I’m overthinking things
Right now I’m still a virgin, but I feel that’s gonna change in the next month or two. One thing that’s holding me back is I’m afraid to lower my standards, and want my first time to be special. And until I have sex, I can keep pretending that I’m gonna be good at it.
One things for sure: it’s gonna be tough to concentrate for the next little while.
Michael
