The bro code?

William2228

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So I have a question as far as picking up friends ex's. Personally I prefer finding them on my own but I have had the ex ex ex girlfriend of a friend hit on me really hard. I turned her down and she ended up getting mad and telling my friend we did stuff anyway. So what's the deal? Should I have just gave in? And does this bro code really exist?




Not sure if this should be in another place if so let me know.
 

Eric

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Sigh. The bro code. Okay so my general rule on this is to just ask or in general not worry about it until my friend comes to me.

One of my close friends.. somehow I keep meeting girls he's liked. I dated his prom girl that he never slept with (didn't even know they knew each other). I almost dated his fling (she was trying to hook up with me after dumping him). Also am in the process of setting up another date with a girl he has liked (she stole one of my rings and is in another state atm.. argh.. also I drunk dialed her last night whoops).

But then I also hear those people who are like "DUDE BRO CODE, I'd never date a girl who dated my friend before" after telling them they should go after a girl they like. It's just like "uhhh".. if your friend has a huge problem with you dating his ex then you might want to find different friends who look out after YOU and not their pride / old attachments.
 

Franco

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Hi William2228,

This is essentially a question of: "should I date girls within my social circle?" Even if a girl hasn't been communicating with your social circle for a long period of time, if she still knows people within your circle, then it means she was once a part of it and should be treated as if she is still in it.

Generally on this website, Chase discourages trying to date girls in social circle if you can avoid it so that you don't end up in situations like the one you have mentioned. That being said, most of us have dated women in our social circle in the past, and we might still have open connections that we'd possibly like to pursue.

So at this point, what it really comes down to is a question of: "who is going to provide more value to my life at this point?"

Do you consider this a woman of high value and someone you would possibly pursue a relationship with? Or would she just be a small fling that could cost you a long-term friendship?

Is your "friend" really a valuable friend to you? Does he contribute to your life in ways that you would not want to lose? Or is he just limiting the amount of women you can sleep with?

From what you have described, it actually sounds like your friend is the latter. However, I'm sure you have not gone into detail -- this could be a friend that you've known all of your life and you consider to be a guy who is there for you through thick and thin. But, if this is just some recent friend you made who doesn't contribute to your life at all and seems to just prevent you from getting together with women, then why should he still continue to be your friend? There are men out there with more grace than that.

This is how I view the situation, but ultimately, these are decisions you must make on your own.

Hope this helps,

Franco

EDIT: This post was moved from the "Beginners" board to the "General" board.
 

Franco

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To follow up on my previous post, see this article on Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Here is a relevant quote that Chase states from the article:

I've been with my fair share of "attached" women before - that's girls with boyfriends and girls with husbands. As I've mentioned before, the way I see it, there's always some guy, SOMEWHERE who's going to be angry you're sleeping with a girl - whether he's her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, her husband, or just some guy who's already "called dibs" on her and you moved faster, it doesn't matter - somebody somewhere is upset that you're with "his" girl. So you can either spend time worrying if some man you don't know will have his feelings hurt if you sleep with a woman who wants you, or you can sleep with a woman who wants you and figure that if someone is upset about her for sleeping with someone else, well, that's between that person and her.
And if she was REALLY his, there's not a thing you could've done to get her... trust me.
 

Chase

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My take on this is, get your pal's opinion on the girl first if he's a good pal and he's worth more to you than the lay is. And yeah, what Franco mentions - just do cold approach, and you won't even run into this.

I've had friends hook up with chicks I've slept with, and I've had friends date ex-girlfriends of mine. It's a little bit weird. Some pal tells me he just hooked up with that chick I hooked up with before... and I'm like, "Umm... that's great!" My only main concern is that if she was an ex-girlfriend I cared about, my friend is required to be good to her and treat her well. My ex-girlfriends are kinda like my little sisters, almost... if you want to date her, and you're happy, and she's happy, great; but if you break her heart I'll mess you up, dude.

Obviously, this is different for every guy - both how you feel about it, and how your pal reacts. Me, I won't touch a friend's table scraps (erm, I mean exes). And I'll give a good ribbing to pals who sleep with or date girls I have, like, "Don't worry bro, next chick I break up with is coming right your way for the rebound."

It's an ambiguous topic... there's no set "bro code," but don't piss your bro off if he's a person of importance to you. (if he isn't, well, I guess it's every man for himself in that case)

Chase
 

William2228

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Well put I am about the same as chase on this one.

Chase said:
Me, I won't touch a friend's table scraps (erm, I mean exes).
Chase

It's better to just go out and find some new amazing girl off the shelf then to deal with used merchandise. ( so to speak )
But its nice to hear it from the pro's.
Franco and Chase.
 

trashKENNUT

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William2228 said:
It's better to just go out and find some new amazing girl off the shelf then to deal with used merchandise.

i hope you don't misunderstand.

Women are individually great people. Some not so. Used Merchandise is a bit harsh.

Everyone usually is out for themselves, A girl might love sleeping around, some needs some kick, some a bit too shy, but everyone has theirs.

Love this forum,
Zac. :)
 

William2228

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ZacAdam said:
William2228 said:
It's better to just go out and find some new amazing girl off the shelf then to deal with used merchandise.

i hope you don't misunderstand.

Women are individually great people. Some not so. Used Merchandise is a bit harsh.

Everyone usually is out for themselves, A girl might love sleeping around, some needs some kick, some a bit too shy, but everyone has theirs.

Love this forum,
Zac. :)

I apologize if you misunderstood or are offended. When I said
William2228 said:
used merchandise.( so to speak )
it was used as a connotation. In no way did I mean that women aren't people too. For me it ment the same as "table scraps". The subject is more based on if a friends ex girlfriend is against guy code. Not about what I think a woman's worth is. Another connotation that seems more fitting is One mans trash is another mans treasure. I prefer girls that haven't dated or had sex with my friends. Hopefully this makes it a little more clear about my intensions.

Stay classy.

"A gentleman would be ashamed should his deeds not match his words"
 

trashKENNUT

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William2228 said:
I prefer girls that haven't dated or had sex with my friends.

I think it's more of a different perspective here. :) i hope you don't apologise, i written it down, because in my view, everyone often, is ought for themselves, including women. So "the bro code" will sometimes get broken (not that it's a bad thing unless your friend mean something to you).

I can go from here mentioning about friends who cannot find girls tend to move on to their friends exes. the topic itself is really depends.

Anyway,
Zac :)
 
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