- Joined
- May 25, 2025
- Messages
- 12
Background:
I’d seen her on the bus for weeks. Dark hair, pale skin, freckles, sharp cheekbones, definitely a head-turner. I didn’t approach sooner because I was dating other girls. Finally, about a week ago, I started chatting her up. Light flirting on the bus, she responded well. Chemistry seemed there. I asked for her number and then asked her out over text (maybe not the smoothest, but it worked).
Setting:
We met at the mall. Movie first, then a cozy bar.
Approach:
Started with casual small talk. During the movie, she opened up a lot, family, dreams, and dropped the big one: she just ended an 11-year relationship five months ago (she’s 27). That explained why she was both chatty and hesitant.
Interaction:
Close:
Soft makeout during the movie, handholding, brief kiss goodbye. No logistics pull (she declined dorm invite).
Later, I sent her my poetry (she asked for it) and the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire as a playful nod to the month. So far, no reply.
Lessons Learned:
Bottom Line:
There was spark and compliance, but I came off pushy instead of smooth. If she resurfaces, I’ll reset the frame to casual, fun, low pressure. If not, experience logged.
I’d seen her on the bus for weeks. Dark hair, pale skin, freckles, sharp cheekbones, definitely a head-turner. I didn’t approach sooner because I was dating other girls. Finally, about a week ago, I started chatting her up. Light flirting on the bus, she responded well. Chemistry seemed there. I asked for her number and then asked her out over text (maybe not the smoothest, but it worked).
Setting:
We met at the mall. Movie first, then a cozy bar.
Approach:
Started with casual small talk. During the movie, she opened up a lot, family, dreams, and dropped the big one: she just ended an 11-year relationship five months ago (she’s 27). That explained why she was both chatty and hesitant.
Interaction:
- I kept the vibe sardonic and witty, listening actively.
- Kissed her midway through the film after some touching. She kissed back but soon said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I countered that I wasn’t looking for one either.
- Later she teased me, saying my kiss was “too intense” and that I “needed more practice.” (calibration issue.)
- After the movie, we hit a bar. Conversation flowed smoothly, she shared about college and life.
- She admitted she normally doesn’t kiss on first dates. I reframed: if people like each other, it’s natural.
- Physicality: touched her small back, arms, shoulders, neck, brushed her face and hair, held hands a lot in the mall, street, cab ride. Compliance was solid.
- I invited her indirectly to my dorm. She declined, saying it wasn’t the right time (still raw from her breakup). Fair.
- Ended with a brief kiss before she went inside.
Close:
Soft makeout during the movie, handholding, brief kiss goodbye. No logistics pull (she declined dorm invite).
Later, I sent her my poetry (she asked for it) and the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire as a playful nod to the month. So far, no reply.
Lessons Learned:
- Strengths: Led decisively, escalated physically, made her comfortable enough to open up, created a fun + witty vibe. Handholding and compliance indicators were good.
- Weaknesses: Escalation was rushed. The “too intense” kiss feedback showed lack of calibration. Mixed signals (saying I’m not looking for a relationship but inviting her to my dorm) may have confused her frame. Sharing poetry + music so soon felt too vulnerable, too fast.
- Takeaway: With women fresh out of long relationships, pacing is key. Build comfort, don’t rush escalation. Keep it light, playful, and let her lean in first. Next time: slower touch, smaller compliance tests, more daytime comfort before escalation.
Bottom Line:
There was spark and compliance, but I came off pushy instead of smooth. If she resurfaces, I’ll reset the frame to casual, fun, low pressure. If not, experience logged.
