First off, I'm a newbie in the dating world, so what you are about to read may make you go, "WTF?!" That being said, I'd appreciate feedback on what I did wrong and what I can improve.
Was on a date yesterday. I tried putting into action some of what I've read, namely escalating through touching the girl and deep diving. I made sure to touch her arm, hand, thigh, or knee every time I thought I hit a sticking or high point in our interaction. These were quick touches, with less than a second of lingering. She didn't pull away or act uncomfortable. There were several times while we were walking where my hand accidentally touched the side of her butt but again she didn't step away. So, I thought she was starting to get comfortable with me. But what really confused me was she never once reciprocated by initiating touch on me. I was always initiating the touching. Is this common?
A lot of times, too, she crossed her arms. I thought about getting her to do something with her hands so she could uncross her arms but I didn't because I don't know if this was her baseline behavior. Should we as seducers make sure to remove "guarded behavior" such as this?
Also throughout the date, I was paying for almost her things (about $17 in total). She never once offered to pay, except for the lunch we had at the start of the date and that was only because she asked how I wanted to do this. I suggested going dutch. I was hoping she'd offer to pay because I did drive 5+ hours just to see her (we were set up). It's also one way I gauge interest. I think once she realized I wanted to go dutch that the best way to get me to pay for her was to keep quiet. I basically felt like she was not invested in me and on this date. At one point, I asked her to pay for some drinks (not alcohol, though she did seem offended when she thought that was what I was asking) just to test for investment and compliance, which she quickly did.
I also tried to be conscious of the escalation windows, which I do not recall her ever presenting (but I'm a noob so what do I know?). The only real sign of interest was that she spent most of the day with me but I think she really wanted to go home towards the last 2 hours of our date. At 2 hours before our date ended, I was trying to make something happen so I awkwardly suggested that we could either grab dinner since I was hungry (she said she was not and should probably get home soon as she still lives with her parents) or hang out a little bit and watch some TV. She caught the ulterior motive behind this latter suggestion and instead said we could go grab some food. (Damn!)
I thought about trying to isolate her but there's not too many places we can be alone short of my hotel room. I thought about holding her hand, but remembered reading that that is more of romantic touching and that I should only do that if we are alone so that I can escalate to sex. Then again, she really hadn't been touching me so it would just be very strange to try to get physical with her. I thought also about giving her a quick peck on the cheek but again never did see any signs of obvious interest from her in the form of intense, sensual eye contact.
So, in the end I did not really see her offering any escalation windows or overt signs of interest. I mean, she was texting at many points during our date, which I took to be a really bad sign.
She had remarked earlier that she only agreed to be set up to be polite to her friend. I am not not one to waste my precious time and money (logistics suck...I live 5+ hours away so I had to get a hotel room). I was just confused if the interest was there and I asked early what qualities she was looking for in a man. One quality she said was openness in communication, that I decided to call her out on. As such, I decided to make a potentially bad move: I committed kamakazie and thanked her for spending the day with me, even adding that I appreciated that she showed up out of politeness to her friend for the setup. I said that I'll just have to be blunt because of the long distances involved and the fact that I am always busy and one to hate wasting time: if she was still interested in carrying this forward, great. Otherwise, I'd really like to know so I can move on with my life.
Sadly, she said she had a great time with me and was interested but...she also said that she wants to move slow before getting into in a relationship (She just hit 30. How much slower do you want to move, lady?). My response is I move fast because I have little time to waste because I had spent most of my life moving slow. She also said she doesn't really like to do long-distant relationships, of which I am in agreement. I know it was likely in poor form to be as blunt as I was, but I have many things to factor in, such as the long-ass drive, the cost of the hotel room, the future costs of hotel rooms because she still lives at home with her parents, so I can't very well stay with her when I want to see her, my time, gas, etc. I figured I might as well gauge interest now. Cut my losses if need be...was this last move simply dumb of me?
Was on a date yesterday. I tried putting into action some of what I've read, namely escalating through touching the girl and deep diving. I made sure to touch her arm, hand, thigh, or knee every time I thought I hit a sticking or high point in our interaction. These were quick touches, with less than a second of lingering. She didn't pull away or act uncomfortable. There were several times while we were walking where my hand accidentally touched the side of her butt but again she didn't step away. So, I thought she was starting to get comfortable with me. But what really confused me was she never once reciprocated by initiating touch on me. I was always initiating the touching. Is this common?
A lot of times, too, she crossed her arms. I thought about getting her to do something with her hands so she could uncross her arms but I didn't because I don't know if this was her baseline behavior. Should we as seducers make sure to remove "guarded behavior" such as this?
Also throughout the date, I was paying for almost her things (about $17 in total). She never once offered to pay, except for the lunch we had at the start of the date and that was only because she asked how I wanted to do this. I suggested going dutch. I was hoping she'd offer to pay because I did drive 5+ hours just to see her (we were set up). It's also one way I gauge interest. I think once she realized I wanted to go dutch that the best way to get me to pay for her was to keep quiet. I basically felt like she was not invested in me and on this date. At one point, I asked her to pay for some drinks (not alcohol, though she did seem offended when she thought that was what I was asking) just to test for investment and compliance, which she quickly did.
I also tried to be conscious of the escalation windows, which I do not recall her ever presenting (but I'm a noob so what do I know?). The only real sign of interest was that she spent most of the day with me but I think she really wanted to go home towards the last 2 hours of our date. At 2 hours before our date ended, I was trying to make something happen so I awkwardly suggested that we could either grab dinner since I was hungry (she said she was not and should probably get home soon as she still lives with her parents) or hang out a little bit and watch some TV. She caught the ulterior motive behind this latter suggestion and instead said we could go grab some food. (Damn!)
I thought about trying to isolate her but there's not too many places we can be alone short of my hotel room. I thought about holding her hand, but remembered reading that that is more of romantic touching and that I should only do that if we are alone so that I can escalate to sex. Then again, she really hadn't been touching me so it would just be very strange to try to get physical with her. I thought also about giving her a quick peck on the cheek but again never did see any signs of obvious interest from her in the form of intense, sensual eye contact.
So, in the end I did not really see her offering any escalation windows or overt signs of interest. I mean, she was texting at many points during our date, which I took to be a really bad sign.
She had remarked earlier that she only agreed to be set up to be polite to her friend. I am not not one to waste my precious time and money (logistics suck...I live 5+ hours away so I had to get a hotel room). I was just confused if the interest was there and I asked early what qualities she was looking for in a man. One quality she said was openness in communication, that I decided to call her out on. As such, I decided to make a potentially bad move: I committed kamakazie and thanked her for spending the day with me, even adding that I appreciated that she showed up out of politeness to her friend for the setup. I said that I'll just have to be blunt because of the long distances involved and the fact that I am always busy and one to hate wasting time: if she was still interested in carrying this forward, great. Otherwise, I'd really like to know so I can move on with my life.
Sadly, she said she had a great time with me and was interested but...she also said that she wants to move slow before getting into in a relationship (She just hit 30. How much slower do you want to move, lady?). My response is I move fast because I have little time to waste because I had spent most of my life moving slow. She also said she doesn't really like to do long-distant relationships, of which I am in agreement. I know it was likely in poor form to be as blunt as I was, but I have many things to factor in, such as the long-ass drive, the cost of the hotel room, the future costs of hotel rooms because she still lives at home with her parents, so I can't very well stay with her when I want to see her, my time, gas, etc. I figured I might as well gauge interest now. Cut my losses if need be...was this last move simply dumb of me?
