The girl at the monthly event

[Factintact]

So of course there's a girl I'm into. Met her at a recurring event I started going to a couple months back. I'm poly with one serious girlfriend already. I've brought my girlfriend here, I also originally brought a completely separate first date to this event the first time I went, and I also knew another girl I used to date there. So high preselection. But the girl I met there was so my type. And monogamous, of course.

She pulled me aside twice during the event, but I couldn't really respond at the event itself. So I asked her out after and she accepted. I Went on two dates with her. Some of the best chemistry I've ever had and she was still seeing me. On the second date, I came in asking where we could go with this. She didn't want to be poly, but started asking if I could date her until she finds a monogamous partner. I let her talk herself out of it. I know I fucked up. I was thinking about how it might look to the group if she had later said I "cajoled" her. But I fucked up.

The crowd here is very liberal, so I always consider how it could look if her story is different from mine. Rationally, I know that I should have pushed for sex. If I replay it in my head, there was only one correct action. Take her the fuck to bed. But in the moment, I blanked.

I'm still planning to go to this even again and I'm sure I'll see her there. I know it's easier to find a new girl, but I did really like this girl and would like to turn it around if I can. I'd also like to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. How would I do both?

 

[Ambiance]

Your mistake was bringing up your prospective relationship with her. There is no benefit to a man to ask "where we could go with this" or propositioning her with the poly lifestyle when you haven't even been sleeping with her for awhile, let alone once! It is a much stronger position for you to be vague about your sex life outside of her, seduce her, see her a few times to convert her, and then enjoy the relationship until she eventually asks you to define what you two are.

An exception to this is if the girl brings up the poly lifestyle on her own accord. At this point, she is an insider and knows the drill. Even them, avoid letting conversation about the lifestyle

My only advice with this girl is getting lots of preselection, then when you make your move do not talk about "us" or the "poly lifestyle". Play off what you said before. Get her in bed, show her a good time, be warm, see her again quickly a few times to convert her, and then follow this site's advice on managing expectations with casual relationships so you don't hurt her. https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-keep-casual-relationship-going-5-simple-steps

But realistically, you've lost this girl and need to move on.

 

[Factintact]

Part of this one was impossible to avoid because she had already met 3 of my other partners. So she knew I was poly. I didn't have to talk more about that though, so that part I'd agree with.