- Joined
- Jun 6, 2014
- Messages
- 65
This happened some while ago, but it concludes to the present so I decided to share it here.
There was a girl at one year group of my university's study program. I believe we had a lot of chemistry, but I was quite unexperienced at that time and didn't know how to move things forward. Well, I'm actually still learning those things but anyways.
We started off as mere study colleagues, but in the end I could see that there was some deeper things going on behind the curtains. Still, the girl moved away before I made a certain move.
Keep in mind I did have plenty of time to make a move, I just didn't know how exactly and where to do it. And eventually I just moved on.
In the beginning we just greeted each other at the corridors when walking past each others. Then slowly we began to have some small talks. There weren't any clear flirting going on, but she was really warm and open towards me. As I said, we had chemistry, or I felt like it at least.
I remember one event where a lot of students of different year groups were gathered at this restaurant, around one huge table. The girl was opposite me, and we were ordering a menu. I was looking at the menu, thinking inside my head, "Okay, I'll definitely have the #23. The girl then ordered her food for the waitress who was standing next to the table.
Her: 23 please.
I was a bit surprised that we had chosen the same order. The waitress then turned to me. I kept my cool and said with a small smile,
Me: Well, I'll take the same one.
The response which followed was priceless. The girl smiled with a small amazement, and a nonverbal "Ooohh.." went across the persons sitting next to her.
In time I slowly developed a crush on her (Read: From keeping my cool to thinking about her a bit too often)
Not only did she have an amazing personality (intellectual but not cold and calculative), but she had good looks too. Strong facial structure, but still feminine. The glasses which she wore just ramped up her intellectual side.
At parties she would always end up coming to me and say "Hi.", and we would engage for a small talk and some casual bantering.
*The evening with plausible escalation*
One evening, I was heading for this one student party. As I was looking for the apartment, I happened to glance at an transparent exit door (not from which I entered the building). She was behind it, locked outside. The corridor was dark, so she couldn't see me. I stepped from the shadows and opened the door for her.
Me: Here you go.
Her: How did you know to come here? Did Sarah send you? (a friend of her)
Me: Well, I just happened to pass by (with a small, knowing smile on my face)
Her: Well, thanks!
Then Sarah approached from afar, who she had sent to open the door for her.
Her: [my name] came to open the door for me. I still don't know how he knew to come so precisely in time.
Me: Just happened to pass by. (still smiling)
The evening would come and go, and it was getting late. The area was new for me, so:
Her: Do you know this area? I can show you the way.
Me: Well, thanks. It's appreciated. (At that time I didn't know whether she did this for a counter favor, or if she was trying to create something (Read: An escalation window). But I had my suspicions.
We walked outside. Her friend went to grab her bike, leaving just the two of us.
As we walked, she pointed a building next to us.
Her: There's where I live.
Now at this point, I don't remember if I offered to escort her to her apartment. If I did offer the option, she anyways refused. The other option was that I was too ignorant to escalate things.
*I continued to chat with her about the area. Her friend returned, I called the taxi, we said "bye" to each others and they headed home.*
What I should've done is make a move, escort her to the apartment and try to ramp up some sexual tension
There was one other case, where she showed a clear nonverbal IOI.
I was having a presentation at one seminar, where the girl was. It was quite an succesful presentation, and when I finished my words I happened to look at the girl. She was resting her head at the table, arms below the head, in a "daydream"-like position, or which sometimes is the "bored"-position.
However, she was smiling very widely, and had a dreaming look on her face.
I had never seen a girl looking at me like that before, and I smiled, making a bit confused "What?"-look, while smiling.
After the presentation I was sitting at a computer room by myself. She came there to say "Hi" to me. She also remarked that she was "Just coming to say hi as a friend", which was a bit odd in my opinion.
Maybe she realized that there was a possibility that I was interested of her and wanted to cool things down. Maybe my attraction date expired and she wanted to signal it to me. Who knows.
There was also this one party where me and the girl were, and a good friend of her approached me on the dance floor. After we had danced for a small while she asked,
"What is the real reason for you coming here?"
I just said, ignoring her chase frame:
"Well I just came here to have fun and dance. That's all."
Still, me and the girl would end up at each others company again. She was possibly a bit drunk, talking to a guy (I guess the friend of her had already left), and when I came she began deep diving (or maybe she already was deep diving for the guy), telling openly and deeply to me and the guy about her future plans.
I was just going to open my mouth, engaging to the deep dive when the guy did just that for me.
Eventually the guy left, but the social circle was broken. I tried to engage the girl, but she said "The last bus to my place is about to leave.. I really need to go now.". By the way she did speak the truth - the last bus for that night was soon passing near the bar.
I didn't know to move, continuing the conversation at her place, and thus we once again said "Bye." and she left.
Some time went on - actually quite a lot of time, and we didn't see each other in quite a while.
Until one event where we met each other more. She had once again a few of her friends with her, and they chatted in this group of theirs. I was quite near them, and just called the girl's name. The girl turned around, began smiling and walked towards me. I made a funny note that the other friends of her went almost to a formation-like position, like it was sort of a diplomatic meeting and they were the guards in the room, firmly in place and their backs against the wall. In any case, the formation which they took established space for our conversation, and at the same time they clearly implied nonverbally that they were out of the conversation which we just started. It was clear without a doubt that there was some kind of a relationship between me and her – whether it be a friendly or a casually romantic one. A little bit later, while I was having the conversation, I was called by a girl who had also showed IOI’s towards me during those times. (the girl X, whom happened to be accompanied by the girl Y - both of which I've talked about in a comment at another thread) They needed me for this certain thing.
And there I was, a bit amazed. Three girls, all of whom had shown IOI’s towards me, and whom at that precise time demanded my presence (the other group demanding it clearly, and the girl, well she was investing in me at the moment, so I knew she probably didn’t want me to leave.
It was like the past meeting with the present - the girl being a part of the past, as it was a really long time since we'd last met, and I had already kind of "moved on" - and the present being the two girls who both had shown IOI's towards me, and at times there was clear flirtation going on.
I had to make a choice. I apologized the girl and followed the two other ones.
I didn't really see the girl after that, nor did I engage in a conversation with her.
I think that one reason which didn’t make me see the possible sexual tension going on between me and this girl was, that there wasn’t any clear flirtation going on. There was a warm, bubbling feeling when I spoke with her, but she never flirted towards me (the “daydream”-incident being an exception), nor didn’t I flirt with her (she was a bit out of my league, I thought, which made it hard for me to flirt). I was interested of her, but many times I just felt that we were like really good friends.
There was chemistry, but not sexual communication.
And I do feel bad if the girl was sexually interested of me, but I continuously kept letting her down..
But I'm Improvementalist. I'll improve and become better, learning from the past, observing the present while looking to the future.
There was a girl at one year group of my university's study program. I believe we had a lot of chemistry, but I was quite unexperienced at that time and didn't know how to move things forward. Well, I'm actually still learning those things but anyways.
We started off as mere study colleagues, but in the end I could see that there was some deeper things going on behind the curtains. Still, the girl moved away before I made a certain move.
Keep in mind I did have plenty of time to make a move, I just didn't know how exactly and where to do it. And eventually I just moved on.
In the beginning we just greeted each other at the corridors when walking past each others. Then slowly we began to have some small talks. There weren't any clear flirting going on, but she was really warm and open towards me. As I said, we had chemistry, or I felt like it at least.
I remember one event where a lot of students of different year groups were gathered at this restaurant, around one huge table. The girl was opposite me, and we were ordering a menu. I was looking at the menu, thinking inside my head, "Okay, I'll definitely have the #23. The girl then ordered her food for the waitress who was standing next to the table.
Her: 23 please.
I was a bit surprised that we had chosen the same order. The waitress then turned to me. I kept my cool and said with a small smile,
Me: Well, I'll take the same one.
The response which followed was priceless. The girl smiled with a small amazement, and a nonverbal "Ooohh.." went across the persons sitting next to her.
In time I slowly developed a crush on her (Read: From keeping my cool to thinking about her a bit too often)
Not only did she have an amazing personality (intellectual but not cold and calculative), but she had good looks too. Strong facial structure, but still feminine. The glasses which she wore just ramped up her intellectual side.
At parties she would always end up coming to me and say "Hi.", and we would engage for a small talk and some casual bantering.
*The evening with plausible escalation*
One evening, I was heading for this one student party. As I was looking for the apartment, I happened to glance at an transparent exit door (not from which I entered the building). She was behind it, locked outside. The corridor was dark, so she couldn't see me. I stepped from the shadows and opened the door for her.
Me: Here you go.
Her: How did you know to come here? Did Sarah send you? (a friend of her)
Me: Well, I just happened to pass by (with a small, knowing smile on my face)
Her: Well, thanks!
Then Sarah approached from afar, who she had sent to open the door for her.
Her: [my name] came to open the door for me. I still don't know how he knew to come so precisely in time.
Me: Just happened to pass by. (still smiling)
The evening would come and go, and it was getting late. The area was new for me, so:
Her: Do you know this area? I can show you the way.
Me: Well, thanks. It's appreciated. (At that time I didn't know whether she did this for a counter favor, or if she was trying to create something (Read: An escalation window). But I had my suspicions.
We walked outside. Her friend went to grab her bike, leaving just the two of us.
As we walked, she pointed a building next to us.
Her: There's where I live.
Now at this point, I don't remember if I offered to escort her to her apartment. If I did offer the option, she anyways refused. The other option was that I was too ignorant to escalate things.
*I continued to chat with her about the area. Her friend returned, I called the taxi, we said "bye" to each others and they headed home.*
What I should've done is make a move, escort her to the apartment and try to ramp up some sexual tension
There was one other case, where she showed a clear nonverbal IOI.
I was having a presentation at one seminar, where the girl was. It was quite an succesful presentation, and when I finished my words I happened to look at the girl. She was resting her head at the table, arms below the head, in a "daydream"-like position, or which sometimes is the "bored"-position.
However, she was smiling very widely, and had a dreaming look on her face.
I had never seen a girl looking at me like that before, and I smiled, making a bit confused "What?"-look, while smiling.
After the presentation I was sitting at a computer room by myself. She came there to say "Hi" to me. She also remarked that she was "Just coming to say hi as a friend", which was a bit odd in my opinion.
Maybe she realized that there was a possibility that I was interested of her and wanted to cool things down. Maybe my attraction date expired and she wanted to signal it to me. Who knows.
There was also this one party where me and the girl were, and a good friend of her approached me on the dance floor. After we had danced for a small while she asked,
"What is the real reason for you coming here?"
I just said, ignoring her chase frame:
"Well I just came here to have fun and dance. That's all."
Still, me and the girl would end up at each others company again. She was possibly a bit drunk, talking to a guy (I guess the friend of her had already left), and when I came she began deep diving (or maybe she already was deep diving for the guy), telling openly and deeply to me and the guy about her future plans.
I was just going to open my mouth, engaging to the deep dive when the guy did just that for me.
Eventually the guy left, but the social circle was broken. I tried to engage the girl, but she said "The last bus to my place is about to leave.. I really need to go now.". By the way she did speak the truth - the last bus for that night was soon passing near the bar.
I didn't know to move, continuing the conversation at her place, and thus we once again said "Bye." and she left.
Some time went on - actually quite a lot of time, and we didn't see each other in quite a while.
Until one event where we met each other more. She had once again a few of her friends with her, and they chatted in this group of theirs. I was quite near them, and just called the girl's name. The girl turned around, began smiling and walked towards me. I made a funny note that the other friends of her went almost to a formation-like position, like it was sort of a diplomatic meeting and they were the guards in the room, firmly in place and their backs against the wall. In any case, the formation which they took established space for our conversation, and at the same time they clearly implied nonverbally that they were out of the conversation which we just started. It was clear without a doubt that there was some kind of a relationship between me and her – whether it be a friendly or a casually romantic one. A little bit later, while I was having the conversation, I was called by a girl who had also showed IOI’s towards me during those times. (the girl X, whom happened to be accompanied by the girl Y - both of which I've talked about in a comment at another thread) They needed me for this certain thing.
And there I was, a bit amazed. Three girls, all of whom had shown IOI’s towards me, and whom at that precise time demanded my presence (the other group demanding it clearly, and the girl, well she was investing in me at the moment, so I knew she probably didn’t want me to leave.
It was like the past meeting with the present - the girl being a part of the past, as it was a really long time since we'd last met, and I had already kind of "moved on" - and the present being the two girls who both had shown IOI's towards me, and at times there was clear flirtation going on.
I had to make a choice. I apologized the girl and followed the two other ones.
I didn't really see the girl after that, nor did I engage in a conversation with her.
I think that one reason which didn’t make me see the possible sexual tension going on between me and this girl was, that there wasn’t any clear flirtation going on. There was a warm, bubbling feeling when I spoke with her, but she never flirted towards me (the “daydream”-incident being an exception), nor didn’t I flirt with her (she was a bit out of my league, I thought, which made it hard for me to flirt). I was interested of her, but many times I just felt that we were like really good friends.
There was chemistry, but not sexual communication.
And I do feel bad if the girl was sexually interested of me, but I continuously kept letting her down..
But I'm Improvementalist. I'll improve and become better, learning from the past, observing the present while looking to the future.
