- Joined
- Sep 14, 2013
- Messages
- 1,016
Hey guys,
Hoping to get some feedback on this one, because this pattern seems to happen to me a lot. A girl seems to be into me, but don't seem comfortable enough for me to escalate.
So I went on a date today. Before the date, I was sleeping with this girl who I met a few months ago. She was traveling and happened to be in town before going back to her country. I'm so glad I hit her up last week, because she had lost my number when she changed phone. Anyway, I was drained and literally don't wanna have sex anymore. I texted my date a couple of hours before to confirm and everything was good. Just a little background on how I met her. I was walking through a park and had to stop her by walking through a mud puddle. I thought that was funny so that's what I said. She laughed and thought this was a dare, but I reassured her. I was free flowing and having fun. Asked her if she was single in the end, and she said yes but she's not looking for anything. I told her I'm not looking for anything serious. She said she's still not looking for anything. Then I said "oh well, we can grab coffee and see where it goes. No pressure." She asked me " are you sure?" I said " yea haha I don't really care". Then we exchanged number.
The Date
I watched Nick Spark's 21C on how to get sexual, and I have been trying to focus more on my feeling and state rather than my "verbals". So just before the date, I'm trying to put myself into a sexual state but just couldn't because I was tired from having sex last night and this morning. I saw her waiting outside. I greeted her and touched her arm, which she reciprocated. The conversation was good in the beginning. I really just focused on being present and getting aroused, which was quite hard.
I found a table to sit, even though there were some used cups and dishes on it, I still choose that table because at least she'll be sitting diagonally rather than opposite me. The cafe was quite crowded so we didn't have much of a choice. I moved the stuff away and sit down. Conversation was quite platonic in in the beginning, but I know that the content doesn't really matter. I was focusing on my eye contact and voice and tried to picture her naked. Nope. Still not aroused. haha. I don't know why.
I was getting a little bored and we've been chatting for about an hour. We touched on a few "dating" and "relationship" topics. At one point, the conversation died down, we locked eye contact and I suddenly feel aroused. She smiled at me, but part of me was (maybe?) ashamed of my desire, so I broke the tension and started talking again. I was starting to get nervous about inviting her home. I realized I was in a "taking" state of mind, and this is still something I'm working on, which is to work on my self-esteem and figure out in my head that leading is a form of unconditional expression of my desire. Anyway, the waiter cleaned our table. I put on my scarf and told her let's go. I grabbed her hand, and she asked me where we were going. I said let's go watch that TV show we were talking about. She said no blah blah blah. I let go of her hand, and laughed but I kept on walking. She followed. I moved on the conversation.
Back at my place, I kept the conversation flowing. She was initially standing up, but then sit on the edge of my bed. I turned on the computer and searched for that TV show, but the links weren't working, so I put on the music and turned on the TV. I pull my chair and sit opposite her. I'm still trying to put myself in a sexual state. During the convo, I tried to hold her hand again, but she stood up to readjust her seat on the bed so she let it go. I didn't let it bother me. We started talking about our own dating experience, and that was interesting. I asked her "how many bfs do u have?" She jokingly said, "I have 10". "oh so u don't mind having another one then?", I replied. She laughed.
I found out that she doesn't really have a lot of dating experience. She told me she "hook up" with a guy now and then last year and dated someone for a short time back in high school. Who knows what she means by "hook up" and "dating"? We talked about the dilemma of a girl liking a guy but can't be too forward and stuff like that. Then after another hour of talking, she said she has to go. I grabbed her hand and told her let's do this again. She said "ok, I'll have to check my schedule". Told her to give me a hug, and that's all. In the past, I would have panicked and tried to kiss her and it was awkward, but this time, I decided to let it go. Looking back, I think I should have sit next to her back at my place, which would make escalation easier. I thought about kissing her, but it didn't feel "right". Probably because I wasn't close to her enough.
From my past experience, if there's no mutual hand holding and then I tried to kiss her, I know she will probably not want to kiss. (except one case, and that's the girl I slept with yesterday...but that's a different story, she gave me a blatant sign of interest that was impossible to miss). So that's why I wasn't sure if kissing her would be too fast and unnatural. Because I had plenty of funny experiences when the girl wasn't comfortable with hand holding, then when I knew she has to leave soon then I tried to kiss her....it was awkward and she didn't want it. I can think of a lot of dates that end like this one. I also know for sure that if the girl likes to hold my hand, I am going to sleep with her. It happened every time.
Therefore, I'm curious if any of you guys have found that to be true?? (excludes nightclub kind of environment, where it can be unnecessary)
Any advice on what I can do to improve is appreciated =) especially when the girl is back at my place, and don't seem comfortable enough to move things forward.
I think things I could work on is sexual tension and try to be more present, because I was a little stuck in my head.
Hoping to get some feedback on this one, because this pattern seems to happen to me a lot. A girl seems to be into me, but don't seem comfortable enough for me to escalate.
So I went on a date today. Before the date, I was sleeping with this girl who I met a few months ago. She was traveling and happened to be in town before going back to her country. I'm so glad I hit her up last week, because she had lost my number when she changed phone. Anyway, I was drained and literally don't wanna have sex anymore. I texted my date a couple of hours before to confirm and everything was good. Just a little background on how I met her. I was walking through a park and had to stop her by walking through a mud puddle. I thought that was funny so that's what I said. She laughed and thought this was a dare, but I reassured her. I was free flowing and having fun. Asked her if she was single in the end, and she said yes but she's not looking for anything. I told her I'm not looking for anything serious. She said she's still not looking for anything. Then I said "oh well, we can grab coffee and see where it goes. No pressure." She asked me " are you sure?" I said " yea haha I don't really care". Then we exchanged number.
The Date
I watched Nick Spark's 21C on how to get sexual, and I have been trying to focus more on my feeling and state rather than my "verbals". So just before the date, I'm trying to put myself into a sexual state but just couldn't because I was tired from having sex last night and this morning. I saw her waiting outside. I greeted her and touched her arm, which she reciprocated. The conversation was good in the beginning. I really just focused on being present and getting aroused, which was quite hard.
I found a table to sit, even though there were some used cups and dishes on it, I still choose that table because at least she'll be sitting diagonally rather than opposite me. The cafe was quite crowded so we didn't have much of a choice. I moved the stuff away and sit down. Conversation was quite platonic in in the beginning, but I know that the content doesn't really matter. I was focusing on my eye contact and voice and tried to picture her naked. Nope. Still not aroused. haha. I don't know why.
I was getting a little bored and we've been chatting for about an hour. We touched on a few "dating" and "relationship" topics. At one point, the conversation died down, we locked eye contact and I suddenly feel aroused. She smiled at me, but part of me was (maybe?) ashamed of my desire, so I broke the tension and started talking again. I was starting to get nervous about inviting her home. I realized I was in a "taking" state of mind, and this is still something I'm working on, which is to work on my self-esteem and figure out in my head that leading is a form of unconditional expression of my desire. Anyway, the waiter cleaned our table. I put on my scarf and told her let's go. I grabbed her hand, and she asked me where we were going. I said let's go watch that TV show we were talking about. She said no blah blah blah. I let go of her hand, and laughed but I kept on walking. She followed. I moved on the conversation.
Back at my place, I kept the conversation flowing. She was initially standing up, but then sit on the edge of my bed. I turned on the computer and searched for that TV show, but the links weren't working, so I put on the music and turned on the TV. I pull my chair and sit opposite her. I'm still trying to put myself in a sexual state. During the convo, I tried to hold her hand again, but she stood up to readjust her seat on the bed so she let it go. I didn't let it bother me. We started talking about our own dating experience, and that was interesting. I asked her "how many bfs do u have?" She jokingly said, "I have 10". "oh so u don't mind having another one then?", I replied. She laughed.
I found out that she doesn't really have a lot of dating experience. She told me she "hook up" with a guy now and then last year and dated someone for a short time back in high school. Who knows what she means by "hook up" and "dating"? We talked about the dilemma of a girl liking a guy but can't be too forward and stuff like that. Then after another hour of talking, she said she has to go. I grabbed her hand and told her let's do this again. She said "ok, I'll have to check my schedule". Told her to give me a hug, and that's all. In the past, I would have panicked and tried to kiss her and it was awkward, but this time, I decided to let it go. Looking back, I think I should have sit next to her back at my place, which would make escalation easier. I thought about kissing her, but it didn't feel "right". Probably because I wasn't close to her enough.
From my past experience, if there's no mutual hand holding and then I tried to kiss her, I know she will probably not want to kiss. (except one case, and that's the girl I slept with yesterday...but that's a different story, she gave me a blatant sign of interest that was impossible to miss). So that's why I wasn't sure if kissing her would be too fast and unnatural. Because I had plenty of funny experiences when the girl wasn't comfortable with hand holding, then when I knew she has to leave soon then I tried to kiss her....it was awkward and she didn't want it. I can think of a lot of dates that end like this one. I also know for sure that if the girl likes to hold my hand, I am going to sleep with her. It happened every time.
Therefore, I'm curious if any of you guys have found that to be true?? (excludes nightclub kind of environment, where it can be unnecessary)
Any advice on what I can do to improve is appreciated =) especially when the girl is back at my place, and don't seem comfortable enough to move things forward.
I think things I could work on is sexual tension and try to be more present, because I was a little stuck in my head.
