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- Sep 27, 2013
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- 292
Sometimes you run into sets where the target is either not in the most positive state and/or seems preoccupied. Maybe your instinct doesn't support true direct ("hey sexy!") because she's dressed like a bum; or maybe you're just not feeling like an indirect approach (you don't really "need directions"...again). Here's something that's worked for me when my mind is "stuck" and chasing a girl to say she has great hair doesn't feel thrilling anymore or an initial direct approach may burden the girl with too much social pressure (think a crowded, silent train on the subway):
Examples First
E.g. You see a girl you don't know sitting at a desk and studying a paper intensely with a slight frown and a knitted brow. You pause next to her, look in her direction and say with a slight chuckle "hey, whoa, whoa, (pointing at her work with a mock frown)...dude, relax, you got this!"
or
E.g. You see a woman in a business suit clopping down the stairs as you walk up. She eyes her watch hurriedly once or twice. Her mouth is taut. You give a slight smile, look at her and say, "hey don't worry (shaking head with amused look), you'll be on time!"
or
E.g. You see a woman with a bored look on her face while she's working at her desk. Her eyes are unfocused. You open the door to the office, poke your head and a leg inside and tease, with a slight whisper "Hey, you look SO BORED. They chained your leg to the floor?" (she responds, probably a laugh). "Don't worry (look at your watch or a clock) freedom in an hour!" *It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Actually it's better if it's not so she can correct you and whoops, look at that, conversation time!
These aren't routines! They're real life examples of ridiculous things I've said thanks to my mental model.
My Mental Model, Broken Down For You
When I can't think of a direct compliment to give a girl (she's in uggs and a sweater) and there's no "situational" opportunity (like her tripping or some strange event in the environment) I open by assuming what her emotional state is, acknowledging it (explicitly or implicitly), then attempting to address (manage) and/or alter (change) it. I've found that I feel more congruent doing this than throwing out an insincere, "you have stunning style! Look at those ratty Chuck Taylor's, girl! Beautiful!"
So next time if you're stumped and don't feel like digging into your canned material think triple A: "Assume, Acknowledge, Address and/or Alter."
This is how I've developed a mental model for "cold reading" so I thought I'd share it with you guys. Consciously try it a few times, then it becomes ingrained. The main categories I target triple A's at are:
1. Emotions - usually jumps out the quickest; thank your amygdala
2. Hobbies
3. Identity (Hipster, Business Type, Artist)
*Alter only applies to #1. Not sure you want to be trying to change her hobbies or identity!*
E.g. for category #2. You would assume what sport she plays, acknowledge it, and then address it ("address" categories #2 and #3 means address what people in that category do/don't do). So, you see a very tall, lean girl:
"You look like...a volleyball player. I bet you have a wicked spike and all the girls cry when you beam them with the ball"
NOTE: This doesn't have to be limited to game either. I've found that this is an excellent replacement for "how are you," and can throw some spice into your office life. Dash a few triple A's into the cubicles as you pass by and then keep it moving before they can rope you into too much convo - you'll know if you're doing it right because they'll try to chat you up for a bit. Next time they see you pop by their desk, they should be smiling
Share the love and let me know if you have any feedback/other tips.
Examples First
E.g. You see a girl you don't know sitting at a desk and studying a paper intensely with a slight frown and a knitted brow. You pause next to her, look in her direction and say with a slight chuckle "hey, whoa, whoa, (pointing at her work with a mock frown)...dude, relax, you got this!"
or
E.g. You see a woman in a business suit clopping down the stairs as you walk up. She eyes her watch hurriedly once or twice. Her mouth is taut. You give a slight smile, look at her and say, "hey don't worry (shaking head with amused look), you'll be on time!"
or
E.g. You see a woman with a bored look on her face while she's working at her desk. Her eyes are unfocused. You open the door to the office, poke your head and a leg inside and tease, with a slight whisper "Hey, you look SO BORED. They chained your leg to the floor?" (she responds, probably a laugh). "Don't worry (look at your watch or a clock) freedom in an hour!" *It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Actually it's better if it's not so she can correct you and whoops, look at that, conversation time!
These aren't routines! They're real life examples of ridiculous things I've said thanks to my mental model.
My Mental Model, Broken Down For You
When I can't think of a direct compliment to give a girl (she's in uggs and a sweater) and there's no "situational" opportunity (like her tripping or some strange event in the environment) I open by assuming what her emotional state is, acknowledging it (explicitly or implicitly), then attempting to address (manage) and/or alter (change) it. I've found that I feel more congruent doing this than throwing out an insincere, "you have stunning style! Look at those ratty Chuck Taylor's, girl! Beautiful!"
So next time if you're stumped and don't feel like digging into your canned material think triple A: "Assume, Acknowledge, Address and/or Alter."
This is how I've developed a mental model for "cold reading" so I thought I'd share it with you guys. Consciously try it a few times, then it becomes ingrained. The main categories I target triple A's at are:1. Emotions - usually jumps out the quickest; thank your amygdala
2. Hobbies
3. Identity (Hipster, Business Type, Artist)
*Alter only applies to #1. Not sure you want to be trying to change her hobbies or identity!*
E.g. for category #2. You would assume what sport she plays, acknowledge it, and then address it ("address" categories #2 and #3 means address what people in that category do/don't do). So, you see a very tall, lean girl:
"You look like...a volleyball player. I bet you have a wicked spike and all the girls cry when you beam them with the ball"
NOTE: This doesn't have to be limited to game either. I've found that this is an excellent replacement for "how are you," and can throw some spice into your office life. Dash a few triple A's into the cubicles as you pass by and then keep it moving before they can rope you into too much convo - you'll know if you're doing it right because they'll try to chat you up for a bit. Next time they see you pop by their desk, they should be smiling
Share the love and let me know if you have any feedback/other tips.
