so i've been given a nickname. i was not aware of it for a while. it started about 8 months ago at a company party. a lot of pretty good looking girls work for my company and i was on fire that night. or at least felt i was. i didn't get laid but i macked on pretty much every chick there. or rather i talked to a lot of girls in my own unique and charming fashion (i'd taken phenibut that night. which is the king of drugs, in my opinion. legal, too, and safe in moderation. i highly recommend it. willing to answer questions about it).anyway, after observing me in action, a somewhat friend gave me the moniker numbers. he's seen me in action at a couple of other non-work related functions also, so this just sealed it for him, and i became known as lao che numbers by a select group of people.
anyway, i wasn't even aware of it until i moved to a new office and when i walked in my first day i was greeted by a shout of "numbers!" but in kind of a fucked up way, like nambers. and i was like "huh?" then he filled me in as to the origins of my new nickname.
so now it's not just a select group, all my colleagues are eventually addressing me as numbers. now this is not cool, i'm sure you'll agree. anyway most of them don't know why, though. one day, loud mouth colleague announces loudly, "do you know why we call him numbers?" and of course everyone turns to ask why. fortunately another guy stepped in and told them it's because i'm good at math, so now i'm the math guy haha
the girl
so one of my colleagues, i'll call her JC, who is in the circle, we get along pretty well. we come from similar places and share a sense of humour and have that kind of bond that you can only get from people from your own country for sure. like the british sense of humour and all that, i get along fine with most people but with brits i don't even have to like the person, we just understand each better than anyone else can. so she knows all about numbers. in fact, now i recall she was at that party.
she busts on me constantly about it. always calling me numbers and mocking me with a real dry sarcastic humour. i just laugh at her all time. "JC, you got me all wrong!" like this. (i always tell people i'm a virgin, too. when female colleagues ask about a girlfriend i'll tell them they have no chance with me. i'm waiting for the right girl to marry. "gotta put a ring on it sista!") or i'll mention to JC "oh didn't do much at the weekend, just had a friend come over" and she's like "oh, lao che numbers strikes again, is it?" real dead pan.
we've been out a few times, as a group. we have a lot of fun together. i've never even remotely showed any interest in her. but i knew what i was going to say to her should the situation arise. something like: "i know you want me. but i know you don't even want me really, you wonder why i don't try to seduce you. you want me to. you want to know what all the other girls experience."
but anyway that's just how i believe she felt. she has a BF, by the way. she really likes him, as a person, but there's no spark. no tingles, as they say. now i don't beat around the bush, i'm brutally honest all the time. we talked about boys and girls couldn't be friends, which everyone disagrees with me on. i introduced JC to http://www.laddertheory.com , for a laugh. i tell her directly "i'm not your friend. we're colleagues." and i told her directly, when she was whinging about her bf "the problem is that you're in control of the relationship. you know you can have him anytime you want and you're bored. the man needs to be in control. it doesn't work the other way round"
one time we were out and i had her put my cap in her bag. she went home drunk and the next day didn't bring it to work. so we hatch a plan to leave the office, go for some chicken, and ride to her place to get my cap. i love that cap. don't wanna be without it. haha
so off we go, we get chicken and some beer and we're riding along on my motorscooter, having a laugh - haha i'm glad i wrote this, the memories are making me laugh - we're riding along and she's feeding me chicken and when i stopped at a light she would pass me the beer to take a swig. on the way she was like "this is in the guide book isn't it? top thing to do when visiting the city. a midnight ride on numbers' scooter" with that deadpan humour, she's all push, this girl, no soft edges at all. it's only now i write this that she wanted me to fuck her that night.
we got to her place and chill out for a bit. i get my cap and she offers me a drink "oh you want me to get drunk?" "oh yeah, great idea, get you drunk and then ride on your bike?" good point.
we have a bit of banter, i nosy around a bit. i go into her bedroom and poke around her things. i tell her not to get her hopes up because i'm in her bedroom. and then pretty much we leave and go back. definitely coulda fucked her there. no flatmate home. i mean, if i was more attracted to her i definitely would have tried.
then, another night, we all went for dinner and drinks and then back to my friend's balcony to smoke out and chill. this was a really nice night, good vibes. i was actually pushing JC to stay with my friend, i know he wants to fuck her, but in the end we leave and i say i'll take JC on my bike to get a taxi, as we're far from the main road. so on the way she's like "oh, just gonna drop me off at a taxi, are you?" all sarcastic again, and i did, i stopped to put her in a taxi, she gets off my bike, opens the taxi door and then turns around and kind of lunges at me, hugging me and kissing me quickly on the mouth. it was more like an awkward goodbye kiss on the cheek, took me completely by surprise! anyway, now i know better, another missed window! haha
now we end up at another friend's BBQ - i baked some very strong brownies and made sure everyone who was willing ate some - and JC is literally the only bangable, available girl there. it was a cool party, but a few couples, one unattractive girl, one single dude who seemed to have some game so i encouraged him to mack on JC thinking i'm sure she's down so i'll help a brother out. throughout the night i'm being pretty full on with everybody, i was pretty high and tend to get very sociable, my humor is bordering on the offensive, but not crossing a line. i don't mind asking personal questions and as i said, i'm always brutally honest, but most people appreciate that, even though it can appear brusque. anyway, JC shushes me, a couple of times. like, coding me, "don't say that" or shit. i guess that means she cares about me. but i ignored that anyway, i say what i want, and i know where the line is.
now this place is far from home. far enough that, although JC doesn't live close to me, it makes sense to share a taxi.so i'd been reminding JC that we should not be the last people to leave (i always end up being last to leave and i don't like it) anyway, the other single dude left, and, yeah, we were about the last to leave. it gotta pretty late, we drunk a lot and got real high and then it's time to hit the road. on the way to the taxi she's saying shit to me about numbers and she's asking who'll get dropped off first. i got in the taxi and told him my address. JC gets in the other side and the taxi starts away. JC looks at me "oh, going to yours, are we?" in that sarcastic fucking tone, i just smiled and looked away. i can't even remember most of the taxi ride, tbh. she definitely mentioned the numbers' experience at least once. we may or may not have made out in the taxi. i remember the stairs, though. JC's asked me about the stairs before, whether or not it puts girls off. "it's never been a dealbreaker." i said. so now we climb up to my place, music on, pour a drink (we were shitfaced by then, i'm not kidding) make a joint (another bad idea) and yeah, you know what happens from there. there was some very token resistance. we'd mentioned several times about not telling anyone, and just before we got down to business she was like "oh but it's not gonna make things weird is it?" i just smile, shake my head, whisper no, and move in for the kill. there were a couple of we-shouldn't-be-doing-thises, too.
i woke up the next day and she was gone already. awesome.
the text conversation the next day was pretty funny so i'm gonna paraphrase some of it
me "did you get home safely? i was surprised you weren't here just woke up"
JC "morning sunshine, you were out cold with a smirk on your face. i tried to wake you up"
me "why are you up so early? it must have been daylight outside"
JC "it was daylight when we fell asleep! aren't you lucky, sleeping beauty. i woke up and felt like shit,. wanted my bed!
me "yeah, lucky numbers that's what they call me. i'm not that lucky though, i got no one here to help me make my bed" (ha i just remembered, the bed was a right mess)
me "i'm going back to sleep now. good night"
JC "hmm the numbers add up"
me " you just made me lol. lol in real life ha."
me "bad, JC, bad. you better not tell anyone about last night"
JC "well my BF is first on my list. so expect a visit from the mafia. sleep tight
that's it. hope it's a fun read.
anyway, i wasn't even aware of it until i moved to a new office and when i walked in my first day i was greeted by a shout of "numbers!" but in kind of a fucked up way, like nambers. and i was like "huh?" then he filled me in as to the origins of my new nickname.
so now it's not just a select group, all my colleagues are eventually addressing me as numbers. now this is not cool, i'm sure you'll agree. anyway most of them don't know why, though. one day, loud mouth colleague announces loudly, "do you know why we call him numbers?" and of course everyone turns to ask why. fortunately another guy stepped in and told them it's because i'm good at math, so now i'm the math guy haha
the girl
so one of my colleagues, i'll call her JC, who is in the circle, we get along pretty well. we come from similar places and share a sense of humour and have that kind of bond that you can only get from people from your own country for sure. like the british sense of humour and all that, i get along fine with most people but with brits i don't even have to like the person, we just understand each better than anyone else can. so she knows all about numbers. in fact, now i recall she was at that party.
she busts on me constantly about it. always calling me numbers and mocking me with a real dry sarcastic humour. i just laugh at her all time. "JC, you got me all wrong!" like this. (i always tell people i'm a virgin, too. when female colleagues ask about a girlfriend i'll tell them they have no chance with me. i'm waiting for the right girl to marry. "gotta put a ring on it sista!") or i'll mention to JC "oh didn't do much at the weekend, just had a friend come over" and she's like "oh, lao che numbers strikes again, is it?" real dead pan.
we've been out a few times, as a group. we have a lot of fun together. i've never even remotely showed any interest in her. but i knew what i was going to say to her should the situation arise. something like: "i know you want me. but i know you don't even want me really, you wonder why i don't try to seduce you. you want me to. you want to know what all the other girls experience."
but anyway that's just how i believe she felt. she has a BF, by the way. she really likes him, as a person, but there's no spark. no tingles, as they say. now i don't beat around the bush, i'm brutally honest all the time. we talked about boys and girls couldn't be friends, which everyone disagrees with me on. i introduced JC to http://www.laddertheory.com , for a laugh. i tell her directly "i'm not your friend. we're colleagues." and i told her directly, when she was whinging about her bf "the problem is that you're in control of the relationship. you know you can have him anytime you want and you're bored. the man needs to be in control. it doesn't work the other way round"
one time we were out and i had her put my cap in her bag. she went home drunk and the next day didn't bring it to work. so we hatch a plan to leave the office, go for some chicken, and ride to her place to get my cap. i love that cap. don't wanna be without it. haha
so off we go, we get chicken and some beer and we're riding along on my motorscooter, having a laugh - haha i'm glad i wrote this, the memories are making me laugh - we're riding along and she's feeding me chicken and when i stopped at a light she would pass me the beer to take a swig. on the way she was like "this is in the guide book isn't it? top thing to do when visiting the city. a midnight ride on numbers' scooter" with that deadpan humour, she's all push, this girl, no soft edges at all. it's only now i write this that she wanted me to fuck her that night.
we got to her place and chill out for a bit. i get my cap and she offers me a drink "oh you want me to get drunk?" "oh yeah, great idea, get you drunk and then ride on your bike?" good point.
we have a bit of banter, i nosy around a bit. i go into her bedroom and poke around her things. i tell her not to get her hopes up because i'm in her bedroom. and then pretty much we leave and go back. definitely coulda fucked her there. no flatmate home. i mean, if i was more attracted to her i definitely would have tried.
then, another night, we all went for dinner and drinks and then back to my friend's balcony to smoke out and chill. this was a really nice night, good vibes. i was actually pushing JC to stay with my friend, i know he wants to fuck her, but in the end we leave and i say i'll take JC on my bike to get a taxi, as we're far from the main road. so on the way she's like "oh, just gonna drop me off at a taxi, are you?" all sarcastic again, and i did, i stopped to put her in a taxi, she gets off my bike, opens the taxi door and then turns around and kind of lunges at me, hugging me and kissing me quickly on the mouth. it was more like an awkward goodbye kiss on the cheek, took me completely by surprise! anyway, now i know better, another missed window! haha
now we end up at another friend's BBQ - i baked some very strong brownies and made sure everyone who was willing ate some - and JC is literally the only bangable, available girl there. it was a cool party, but a few couples, one unattractive girl, one single dude who seemed to have some game so i encouraged him to mack on JC thinking i'm sure she's down so i'll help a brother out. throughout the night i'm being pretty full on with everybody, i was pretty high and tend to get very sociable, my humor is bordering on the offensive, but not crossing a line. i don't mind asking personal questions and as i said, i'm always brutally honest, but most people appreciate that, even though it can appear brusque. anyway, JC shushes me, a couple of times. like, coding me, "don't say that" or shit. i guess that means she cares about me. but i ignored that anyway, i say what i want, and i know where the line is.
now this place is far from home. far enough that, although JC doesn't live close to me, it makes sense to share a taxi.so i'd been reminding JC that we should not be the last people to leave (i always end up being last to leave and i don't like it) anyway, the other single dude left, and, yeah, we were about the last to leave. it gotta pretty late, we drunk a lot and got real high and then it's time to hit the road. on the way to the taxi she's saying shit to me about numbers and she's asking who'll get dropped off first. i got in the taxi and told him my address. JC gets in the other side and the taxi starts away. JC looks at me "oh, going to yours, are we?" in that sarcastic fucking tone, i just smiled and looked away. i can't even remember most of the taxi ride, tbh. she definitely mentioned the numbers' experience at least once. we may or may not have made out in the taxi. i remember the stairs, though. JC's asked me about the stairs before, whether or not it puts girls off. "it's never been a dealbreaker." i said. so now we climb up to my place, music on, pour a drink (we were shitfaced by then, i'm not kidding) make a joint (another bad idea) and yeah, you know what happens from there. there was some very token resistance. we'd mentioned several times about not telling anyone, and just before we got down to business she was like "oh but it's not gonna make things weird is it?" i just smile, shake my head, whisper no, and move in for the kill. there were a couple of we-shouldn't-be-doing-thises, too.
i woke up the next day and she was gone already. awesome.
the text conversation the next day was pretty funny so i'm gonna paraphrase some of it
me "did you get home safely? i was surprised you weren't here just woke up"
JC "morning sunshine, you were out cold with a smirk on your face. i tried to wake you up"
me "why are you up so early? it must have been daylight outside"
JC "it was daylight when we fell asleep! aren't you lucky, sleeping beauty. i woke up and felt like shit,. wanted my bed!
me "yeah, lucky numbers that's what they call me. i'm not that lucky though, i got no one here to help me make my bed" (ha i just remembered, the bed was a right mess)
me "i'm going back to sleep now. good night"
JC "hmm the numbers add up"
me " you just made me lol. lol in real life ha."
me "bad, JC, bad. you better not tell anyone about last night"
JC "well my BF is first on my list. so expect a visit from the mafia. sleep tight
that's it. hope it's a fun read.
