OR The makings of a failed tinder date from a female perspective.

[Bboy100]

I was going out to get something to eat with one of my female friends today and she was telling me about this dude she met earlier today off Tinder. Before I continue...it's important to understand exactly what kind of girl she is because different girls might have reacted differently in this situation.

She is:
- A hardcore party girl. Has been since high school
- Imo, not all that attractive. Although she does seem to get a lot of male attention. So maybe that's just me.
- She's 19 right now and has had sex with over 30 guys (she has a list. I've seen it.). As such, she has no hang ups about sex at all. And she doesn't care about nor does she fear being labeled a "slut" (although she admittedly has slowed down a LOT this year and seems to be much pickier now. As far as I know, she's only been with a few guys this year.).
- Has above average social intelligence for someone her age
- She's "nice" but only to people she likes. Others might call her a "bitch" or think she's aloof,intimidating or distant
- Is often the "alpha female" of the group.
- Is pretty popular and sociable.


In any case, she went on this Tinder date. Apparently they went to this one foresty area at our school to go smoke weed. She said that "from the very start, the guy pissed her off just because of how he looked". She described him as having brown hair and beady eyes. ...Not a very apt description. But you get the point...he didn't have very tight fundamentals. After they finished smoking, she was just about to bounce, but then he offered to go drink wine at his place.

She said yes, but only because he was offering free wine. She still disliked him and had no intention of sleeping with him whatsoever. So they got back to his place and they drank a half bottle of whine. This was also apparently the worst part of the date because he "tried to use sexual innuendos, but he wasn't subtle at all".<---This is not the same as Chase framing, but it is similar. There's one of two things he could have done wrong here.
1. He was very crass with his humor and frankly, just gross.
2. He was Chase framing fine, she just found out offputting because she didn't like him in the first place.

After a while, he invited her back to his room saying he can kick his roommate out. She declined saying she wanted to go outside. He said ok, then they smoked another joint. She gave him a kiss goodbye and left. She said she did this because she felt kinda bad for drinking all his wine and smoking all his weed.

She also mentioned that he gave off the vibe that he didn't really care about her and he just wanted to stick his penis inside of her.

Apparently, he texted her soon after saying he's glad she he met her and he snapchatted her. She didn't reply to any of this and she says she has no intention of doing so.

So why am I posting this? There are several things I want you to note:
1. He invited her back to his place and she said yes.
2. He kissed her and she reciprocated.

To most guys, this would seem like a pretty successful date. But obviously, this was far from true. I and a lot of others have been in similar situations to this guy and were left very puzzled. Personally I've had the experiance of
[Go on date--> Kiss and/or Isolate girl but fail to have sex with her-->Text her and get no reply.] more times than I can count. While there are many reasons why this can happen. This convo i had with her showed me another one: she just didn't like you, but she rolled with it anyways cause it amuses her or she's bored or she can get something from you or she wants to get a certain reaction out of you or she wants to get free stuff (like in this case, free dinner or wine or weed or w.e). Thinking back, I can remember quite a few girls who stuck around with me because they probably had nothing better to do with their nights and found me amusing, but they weren't actually attracted to nor did they even like me (this was mostly in my early days when I was super uncalibrated and made a lot of social mistakes which were frankly laughable and probably pretty entertaining to some girls).

So how do we really know if a date is going well? My best guess would be to become very adapt at reading body language. Most body language cues are pretty subconscious and are therefore very difficult to fake. I bet that had this guy read my friend's body language, he would have known she's not at all into him instead of feeling puzzled.

 

[wahoo]

The girl got pissed off by how he looks and still go on a date with him? Just to smoke free weeds? She is not pissed off by his Tinder pictures?

Also she got a lot of male attention probably due to the vibe she gives. Some girls give off this sexual vibe which is unmistakable, especially girls who are not attractive. Many guys will go for it as she seems to be easy lay(may or may not be true).

 

[Smith]

She also mentioned that he gave off the vibe that he didn't really care about her and he just wanted to stick his penis inside of her.

lol so this is why most of my failed escalations don't text me back. It's cause I gave out this vibe! How did I not see this before?

 

[Bboy100]

he girl got pissed off by how he looks and still go on a date with him?

She said she was pretty hesitant about meeting him in the first place. But she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Tbh, it really probably was her bad. She probably shouldn't have even went out with him in the first place cause it was a waste of both their times (and in this case, his weed+wine). I still thought the interaction was interesting though, which is why I posted it.

lol so this is why most of my failed escalations don't text me back. It's cause I gave out this vibe! How did I not see this before?

Yep. Can't do that. The girl will absolutely sense it. I've also made this mistake multiple times. It's also one of many reasons why I no longer try to fuck girls who I don't like at least a little bit. I want to genuinely care about her to some extent, even if its just for one night. Otherwise, its not worth it and it probably won't work out for me anyways. I think the "compassion" part of Hector's new article on LMR really nails this idea home: https://www.girlschase.com/content/shatt ... on-passion

 

[Ree]

She also mentioned that he gave off the vibe that he didn't really care about her and he just wanted to stick his penis inside of her.

lol so this is why most of my failed escalations don't text me back. It's cause I gave out this vibe! How did I not see this before?

I have always wondered about this....
I have always wanted to know how I can recover from a failed escalation....but
.according to chase...once you get a failed escalation it almost always spells doom for seduction

 

[Bboy100]

I have always wondered about this....
I have always wanted to know how I can recover from a failed escalation....but
.according to chase...once you get a failed escalation it almost always spells doom for seduction

I have a theory about this. I feel like the reason most girls don't text back after a failed escalation is because breaking "LMR" involves what seems like chasey/needy behavior. And it can also come off as very insensitive to the girl's needs. Cause most people's response to LMR is either persistence which can often come off as pushy, or to ignore her/withdraw attention, which comes off as butthurt and possibly even bitter. Yes, we also address objections...but who are we kidding. She's not buying into what we're saying most the time. If she has a view about when/how sex should happen which has been conditioned by the events of her entire life, we're not going to change her mind after one conversation. At best, we can just pressure her into having sex with us anyways. Which is what I think usually happens when someone defeats LMR.

My experience supports this theory. I used to try really hard to break through LMR and girls would even verbally tell me things like "you're so needy" or "why do you want my pussy so bad?" ..and so on. Recently, I've been trying a new approach. And that is simply this...respect her resistance and respect yourself. If she's not DTF, just stop and go back to whatever you were doing before. Don't worry about having sex with her that night. At most, I'll try to verbally deal with her objections. Because verbally dealing with objections doesn't look needy. Continuing to try to touch her pussy after she said no 10x that night does.

And if you think about it, that makes perfect. sense. Why should I be putting in all the effort to change her mind? A successful seduction is one where both people invest into it, not just one of us.

This has worked great for me. Every time I've done this so far, the girl went out with me again with no problems. And I usually sealed the deal the next time I saw her. But to be fair...I haven't had too many trials with this strategy to verify that it works yet. I might have just gotten lucky so far (I've only tried this with two girls). So if you do choose to do this, it's at your own risk.

 

[Big Daddy]

@Smith & Bboy

Interesting, I'm guilty of this myself. But then how it's possible to not look like you want to FUCK her while escalating and if it doesn't happen playing the cool card? I still have lots of trouble on leaning towards persistence or indifference while facing LMR.

EDIT: Here's a recent article Chase wrote. I quote:

How about one where you’re escalating to sex and run into a wall of last minute resistance? This one’s easy to botch if you throw it all at her and ultimately are forced to abort. Where that’s the case, she’ll usually end up losing her attraction for you:

• You try everything you know how to try
• She resists, and resists and resists
• You clearly begin to show frustration with your inability to break through
• The more she resists and you try, she thinks, “Wow, he REALLY wants it”
• When you ultimately give up without getting what you want, well...

... you look really ineffective.

It just seems like you’re not in control. At all.

How about this counterexample though?:

• You start escalating to sex
• She resists, and you just roll right around, kissing/touching her elsewhere
• She continues to resist, and you talk to her gently about why
• No matter how much she resists, you stay calm and seem comfortable
• Even if she eventually opts to leave, you stay a gentleman and walk her out

She doesn’t think you didn’t get what you wanted, did she?

Instead, she either thinks, “He really enjoyed it the whole time... I think he really could just be happy to touch me, kiss me, and spend time with me. He got what he wanted from me... wow,” or, at least, she thinks, “I can’t tell if he really wanted to have sex that badly. In fact, I don’t know if he got what he wanted or not,” and now she’ll spend a lot of time thinking about you, looking for clues, trying to figure you out.

The likelihood that you’re able to get a successful follow-up on what’s otherwise a failed escalation is significantly higher than it would be had you clearly grown frustrated, and she left feeling like you were not in control, did not get what you wanted, and are ineffective. (emphasis mine)