The Perfect Future, Boring Present, and Shattered Past

[Desert Eagle]

MY FUTURE feels perfect. I'm currently planning out my dream home, have already pinpointed and am currently achieving my dream wardrobe, am finally starting to maintain a diet that I believe in, is cost effective and sustainable. Money isn't a problem; I'm on the road to success. I have dreams of wooing women, with them having a great time with me and wanting to spend time with me because its so much fun. People will look up to me, they will see me as a beacon for their problems because I have the tenacity to succeed and figure out lifes problems. I spend a lot of time focusing on the future.

My future is epic, perfect, and my dreams for it hold strong.

MY PRESENT, however, is boring. I spend most of my days alone in my apartment searching around trying to make my future better. I am entirely absorbed by the future, and making it perfect, so much so that I completely forget to do anything today. On the off chance that I do something in present day, it is only to project myself into a better future. Study science for the future. Make a list for the future.

This future-oriented thinking does not par well with social interactions in the present. I'm incredibly spacey, and I lack any ability to enjoy the present because I lock myself into my head so I can think about the future. I haven't enjoyed a good afternoon with someone in years, and my only solace is my perfect future and capitulating to hedonistic present actions, such as masturbation and just falling asleep so I can reach the future.

MY PAST is shattered. I regret nearly every moment of my recent past because, when it was the present, I was unable to take action. I reflect on those actions in anguish, making it hard to sleep at night, whereby my only solace is believing in the future.

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In short, I have not been living the life that I thought I was destined to live. I am absorbed by focusing on the future. This focus has lead to the creation of a perfect future, but nothing seems to happen in the present. Because nothing happens in the present, ever-changing into the past, I immediately regret every day spent on this Earth.

This entire line of thinking came to me as I realized I constantly excuse myself from interacting with people in the name of doing it in the future. For in the perfect future I will make no mistakes, but in this uneasy present there is the good chance I ruin things. Thus, I put off getting better with people.

I feel the extreme need to start focusing on both the present and the past if they are ever to get any better. All this focus on the future has not brought me any happiness. I think I need to start living more in the moment. This is how I was when I was out having a great time a couple years ago, and while my future was quite frankly worse off because of it, at least I was having fun.

I need to find this balance between future and present, so that I start engaging in the present so I can look back on memories with happiness like those from seemingly so long ago. I used to wake up in the morning and think to myself, "I should go do something!" then I'd immediately act on it, throwing caution to the wind. Now I think I want to go back to sleep until the future arrives. Perhaps that balance is a result of enjoying the present journey, by which my future becomes better because of that. I honestly think that just stopping my plans on the future is going to bring me the most happiness. Stop thinking about things and just do them.

 

[Ross]

Desert Eagle,

Sounds to me like you're delaying your gratification to the future. Your dreams should not stay dreams. They need to be realized, otherwise they're never going to be accomplished.

Let's start with women. I'm guessing you avoid approaching them because you see them as a future prize - something you only deserve after you've jumped through a certain amount of hoops. Thus, you cast them as unattainable for you because you cannot jump through all the hoops you've set up for yourself.

My recommendation is to start asking yourself what you can do RIGHT NOW to make you happy, then act on it. Would having a conversation with someone now relieve loneliness? Yes, so go do it. Would inviting a girl over make you one step closer to getting laid? Yes, so do it.

Nothing in reality is ever so perfect as you think it might be. So strap in and enjoy the journey.

 

[Desert Eagle]

Yeah, I think you're right. I need to start doing things now that make me happy.

I seem to have forgotten that my best memories are those simply spent with other people. I forgot about just hanging out with people, instead turning every social gathering into a meaningful event. Unfortunately, that comes with a lot of pressure placed on others, which may make being around me not the best experience.

I've made it a point to start getting to know people not only to do stuff that we both enjoy, but also just to hang out around each other. It's been ages since I've just hanged out with someone, but it's never too late to start.

 

[Smith]

"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle - Sounds exactly like the kind of book you need right now.

The future and the past are illusions your mind hold onto. Taking action in the present moment is the only thing you can do now. It's ok to plan for the future in a practical sense and learn from the mistakes of your past, but if you're using the present moment as a mere stepping stone for the future or if you dwell on the past, then you're missing the journey, which is the most important part. There is nothing more important than the step you're taking right now.