The post-approach cooling-off effect: why does it happen?

[Arnav]

This is a normal consequence of meeting a girl you don’t have any social ties to. You approach she’s receptive and emotions are high and maybe she goes further than she would when she’s thinking rationally.

Once the approach is over and the feelings of it cool off she’s gonna be thinking about it, and talking about it with her friends etc.

Women are risk averse so they’re gonna be weighing the consequences of continuing more heavily after the fact. Sometimes overly so, convincing herself she doesn’t have the time, you did x thing that she found off, she wants x guy, etc.

Need to re-strategize your texting like others have said, and tighten up how you’re approaching, try to build some kind of similarity and rapport outside of demonstrating you’re a cool attractive guy who’s attracted to her.

If you’re stimulating her a-lot even more so, because the more you impact her emotionally in the moment and she does or says things that are outside how she views herself (giving her number too fast, meeting guys in x way), the easier and more readily she’ll seem to cool off afterwards.

You have to give her something she can latch on to afterwards so that she can rationalize meeting up with you again.

Thanks, great points rakehell.
But how does one know where to shore up.
I really don't think it's the texting. her resposnes just dry up, become shorter the next day while very warm the same day.

I don't flirt a lot, but the girls always seem to be blushing while talkin to me. How does one know if their approach faliure was due to lack of rapport, similarity like you said or due to lack of arousal, teasing and banter.

 

[Rakehell]

If it’s happening to you alot

Thanks, great points rakehell.
But how does one know where to shore up.
I really don't think it's the texting. her resposnes just dry up, become shorter the next day while very warm the same day.

I don't flirt a lot, but the girls always seem to be blushing while talkin to me. How does one know if their approach faliure was due to lack of rapport, similarity like you said or due to lack of arousal, teasing and banter.

You need to debrief. If you run into it consistently then post field reports and excerpts of the text interactions, the issue will be apparent that way.

Being approached is stimulating in its own way, it might not be sexually “arousing” but she will be emotionally aroused in some way. Given that and the pattern you’re running into it’s easy to speculate that you aren’t having an arousal problem.

Lack of similarity/ rapport or some other social barrier looks like: girl is initially attracted, but her responsiveness dwindles off afterward and continues to dwindle.

Lack of arousal looks like: she’s emotionally neutral or even upbeat, but you get the sense she isn’t really taking you seriously as a prospect, she’ll be friendly and continue convo but soft reject you and dodge attempts to escalate.

Could also be an issue with your texting where you’re not calibrating to her responses or you aren’t leading things forward strongly.

Yours sounds like the first one.

 

[Arnav]

If it’s happening to you alot

You need to debrief. If you run into it consistently then post field reports and excerpts of the text interactions, the issue will be apparent that way.

Being approached is stimulating in its own way, it might not be sexually “arousing” but she will be emotionally aroused in some way. Given that and the pattern you’re running into it’s easy to speculate that you aren’t having an arousal problem.

Lack of similarity/ rapport or some other social barrier looks like: girl is initially attracted, but her responsiveness dwindles off afterward and continues to dwindle.

Lack of arousal looks like: she’s emotionally neutral or even upbeat, but you get the sense she isn’t really taking you seriously as a prospect, she’ll be friendly and continue convo but soft reject you and dodge attempts to escalate.

Could also be an issue with your texting where you’re not calibrating to her responses or you aren’t leading things forward strongly.

Yours sounds like the first one.

Ohh yess definetly its lack of similarty/ rapport I guess because the girls look really hppy talking to me but then it fizzles out afterwards.

Thanks for clarifying it, I understand this much better now.