This is the story from a couple of months ago which led me back to GC after 7 years and made me understand I need to change something in my life.
I've been on a trip in Japan for about 4 days at this point traveling solo and being in a different city each night till reaching Tokyo where I would spend the last 3 days at. I arrived at a hostel around 5pm and went to the small common room (maybe 4 by 5 meters), reading travel guides in preparation for my time there.
THE MEET
As I was on my phone an Indian-looking girl was getting inside the common room and asking me if it was, in fact, the common room. I told her I think so and asked if she was Indian based on her looks and very apparent accent. She said she is originally from there but has been living in Singapore for so long and considers herself as such.
She was wearing plain clothes and didn't really stand out to me as super attractive, so I wasn't particularly in a "chasing" or "stressed" mindset, which in hindsight worked in my favor. We spoke about our time in Japan and she mentioned she'd be here for "2 point 5 weeks". I asked her if she was a mathematician because most people would say "2 and a half" weeks and she laughed and said she was in the computer science field. I'm somewhat familiar with that field and made another joke about it. The conversation was really interesting and I felt like we have chemistry, or that she's just a good conversationalist. She told me it was just to make ends meet and not where her true passions lie, so we spoke about it more. I also spoke about how it sucks to grow old (was just turning 25 then, she's 29), and how I'd wish I'd be 16 again and have my first kiss which led to me describing that point in my life when I was in China for a trip and how free and attractive I felt there, which also gave me a preference to east Asian girls.
At one point she mentioned she'd like to go to the restaurant near the hostel (they give a free alcoholic drink to hostel guests). My instincts at that point (and still now) weren't sharp so I just said "cool" and wished her a good trip (I didn't really consider going with her an option, and wasn't sure if she was my type). Most of the time I need a few minutes to process such events and only afterward reach a conclusion, which is a big hindrance.
Well, after giving it a thought, I'd decided I really have nothing better to do, and after changing my clothes in my room to better fitting ones (Boots, black trousers with a silver belt, and a shirt with a jacket and a coat) I knocked on the girls' room and told her I'd go there, too and if she wants to come. She agreed and said she'll be ready in a bit.
Before going out she suggested I meet her roommate because of something we mentioned in the conversation, and I was more than happy to. I went to their room and the 3 of us spoke and joked for about 30 minutes before going to the restaurant. The other girl had other plans so she didn't join.
THE DATE
I was still in the platonic, "if something happens - ok, but don't risk trying to push it there" state of mind, but when we went to grab a sit she suggested we go sit by a tree on the outside and said something which pretty much blew my mind: "It looks like a mistletoe". From that point, I understood this isn't just a usual going out.
This was also helped by the fact we both saw the menus don't have food to our liking besides the desserts, so we ended up with nothing but dessert and Sake (on that note, I joked about spiking her drink and she took it well, too. Even later asking me why isn't it working).
In the conversation there, she showed interest in me, asking what I'm looking for in a girl and such, which is also rather unusual for me. I joked with her I have a list of about 6 requirements and she currently fills 3 of them, which is something I took from a video I watched eons ago. When she pressed on to find what these are after I'd been evasive I made up on the spot that the 3 of them are "good looks, intelligent and interesting" (which are actually good qualities, of course, just that I didn't really ever have them listed out) and that I won't tell her the rest just yet so she won't cheat and try to fake them for me.
At one point I also told her "She reminds me of my ex" which is another "trick" I heard a while back, but when she asked me in what way I didn't have an answer and just told her I'm not ready to share. I think I'd retire using those for now.
She asked me if I was introverted and pointed out that in the common room, I'd ask her something when I felt the conversation dying off. I said that yes, I can get uncomfortable with silence, but she's putting me at ease (and maybe it's also the alcohol) and I don't feel like it anymore. We suggested trying not to speak for a minute and see how it goes and she was the one to break the silence. I'd be content just staring at each others' eyes at that point.
At another point, we talked about tattoos and I mentioned I consider doing a heart-shaped one. She asked if on my heart and I said "Actually, more down below". She laughed and said I'd be able to say I only think with my heart, unlike others who think with their dick. Other than that, the only "flirtatious" efforts I remember were when she said the food was sweet and I said something to the likes of "like you". She smiled and said "Smooth" (is it really? lol) and I replied jokingly "The smoothest", leaning back. I should mention that since understanding where the conversation was going and that it wasn't just platonic (her mistletoe comment), I'd be much more excited and even have an erection throughout the interaction (which should tell you how often these events occur).
BACK AT THE HOSTEL
We spoke for at least 2-3 hours, and at one point the place had to close down so we went back to the hostel. I looked for a private place for us but our floor was taken. We went up another floor and sat in the kitchen for a bit (I even considered taking a ladder up to the roof but wasn't familiar with it lol) but then a few more people came in and engaged in a conversation with us. While they were interesting, I felt I'm losing my grip on the night and at one point felt despair at the situation and not knowing what to do. She was also really friendly with everyone which led me to have second thoughts about her interest in me. "Maybe she really is just an open and friendly person". After about 20-30 minutes with the other guys, I told her I feel like going to bed and if she wants to come with me so I can ask her something. I wanted to take her back to the common room where we met, but there was a girl there. She joked (or maybe not?) that that girl is Asian so I should go talk to her. I didn't even notice her ethnicity but asked "Yeah? You wanna be my wing-woman? Well no I just want to ask you something". We went to our floors' kitchen and sat beside each other.
I told her "You mentioned previously the mistletoe tree, why was that?"
Her: "Oh.. well do you know what it means?"
Me: "Yes.."
Her: "Oh... what are you thinking?"
I just took her hand and put it on my chest, which was beating rather fast
She asked half-jokingly if I have mouthwash for us (earlier I told her that for my first kiss, I made both of us use mouthwash. I hope it was in regards to that and not a comment about my breath)
Me: "Well we both had alcohol which is a good disinfectant".
I held her hand, and we both slowly came together and kissed softly. I was closing my eyes and thinking how wild it was since I really wasn't anticipating that night progressing there. After hearing her comment, I decided I'm going to go for it but was still surprised. We broke it off and then went back.
A FUCK UP
Still, the fact that I put that as a goal meant after achieving it, I was lost. I didn't know how to progress and suddenly I was stressed all over again. I felt like we've reached the apex and now it's over. I was once again full of hesitation and doubt and decided to cut it. Upon reflection, I see there was still a place for escalation within some spots at the hostel (perhaps the showers, or even a love hotel) but at that time I felt like I'd reached my goal and that we'll have breakfast together tomorrow (as we spoke about) and perhaps get a room later in the evening.
I awkwardly wished her good night, and before we separated she asked to kiss my dimple (lol) which I obliged to of course.
It took a while to calm down and fall asleep. I was excited and optimistic for the next day.
In the morning, however, I was disappointed to find out that she had not woken up in time and only after breakfast had already closed. I went to her room to wake her up but heard no answer. At one point I was worried she might have left and I haven't even taken her contact. But at last, I saw her and we spoke for a bit. She asked me what I was doing for today and I told her I wasn't sure of it exactly. I didn't want to go the whole day with her, however, I preferred going to dinner together. At that point, I also noticed some features I didn't really like about her appearance (or was just looking for excuses to not put an effort into pursuing her). I did end up telling her that since the hostels are pretty much fully booked (it was cherry blossom season) we could take a hotel room together, and playfully asked her not to assault my dimple. She said she had already booked a different hostel for the night (which was fully booked by now).
I went to the lobby and had a discussion with another tourist there. She later came down, dressed much fancier with interesting earrings. We hugged and she left to see the cherry blossom. Apparently, the guy had met her that night and said she was very friendly and outgoing (which I'd figured out by now) but also a sort of a "healer" (?) with a "big halo" (???). It got me interested again and I looked for a way to arrange a meeting again before I leave.
I had her IG, and in the afternoon replied to one of her stories asking if it's in Shibuya which was where I was, and later texted her
A couple of hours later, very drunk after having some drinks with local friends I was kinda chasing her:
I spent the whole time till my flight going over it, feeling terribly depressed. I'd open up GirlsChase and read article after article feeling like shit. I still continued texting with her, but it was still me very much chasing, and feeling like I'd lost the best girl in the world. Someone I had a connection with that I'll never ever replicate.
These feelings continued when I went back home. I went to local hostels and tried to talk to people from abroad to quench that thirst, but still felt like I'd lost a huge opportunity and became somewhat obsessed.
Anyhow, it eventually led to my understanding that I need to meet more women lol.
As always, any feedback is very much appreciated.
I've been on a trip in Japan for about 4 days at this point traveling solo and being in a different city each night till reaching Tokyo where I would spend the last 3 days at. I arrived at a hostel around 5pm and went to the small common room (maybe 4 by 5 meters), reading travel guides in preparation for my time there.
THE MEET
As I was on my phone an Indian-looking girl was getting inside the common room and asking me if it was, in fact, the common room. I told her I think so and asked if she was Indian based on her looks and very apparent accent. She said she is originally from there but has been living in Singapore for so long and considers herself as such.
She was wearing plain clothes and didn't really stand out to me as super attractive, so I wasn't particularly in a "chasing" or "stressed" mindset, which in hindsight worked in my favor. We spoke about our time in Japan and she mentioned she'd be here for "2 point 5 weeks". I asked her if she was a mathematician because most people would say "2 and a half" weeks and she laughed and said she was in the computer science field. I'm somewhat familiar with that field and made another joke about it. The conversation was really interesting and I felt like we have chemistry, or that she's just a good conversationalist. She told me it was just to make ends meet and not where her true passions lie, so we spoke about it more. I also spoke about how it sucks to grow old (was just turning 25 then, she's 29), and how I'd wish I'd be 16 again and have my first kiss which led to me describing that point in my life when I was in China for a trip and how free and attractive I felt there, which also gave me a preference to east Asian girls.
At one point she mentioned she'd like to go to the restaurant near the hostel (they give a free alcoholic drink to hostel guests). My instincts at that point (and still now) weren't sharp so I just said "cool" and wished her a good trip (I didn't really consider going with her an option, and wasn't sure if she was my type). Most of the time I need a few minutes to process such events and only afterward reach a conclusion, which is a big hindrance.
Well, after giving it a thought, I'd decided I really have nothing better to do, and after changing my clothes in my room to better fitting ones (Boots, black trousers with a silver belt, and a shirt with a jacket and a coat) I knocked on the girls' room and told her I'd go there, too and if she wants to come. She agreed and said she'll be ready in a bit.
Before going out she suggested I meet her roommate because of something we mentioned in the conversation, and I was more than happy to. I went to their room and the 3 of us spoke and joked for about 30 minutes before going to the restaurant. The other girl had other plans so she didn't join.
THE DATE
I was still in the platonic, "if something happens - ok, but don't risk trying to push it there" state of mind, but when we went to grab a sit she suggested we go sit by a tree on the outside and said something which pretty much blew my mind: "It looks like a mistletoe". From that point, I understood this isn't just a usual going out.
This was also helped by the fact we both saw the menus don't have food to our liking besides the desserts, so we ended up with nothing but dessert and Sake (on that note, I joked about spiking her drink and she took it well, too. Even later asking me why isn't it working).
In the conversation there, she showed interest in me, asking what I'm looking for in a girl and such, which is also rather unusual for me. I joked with her I have a list of about 6 requirements and she currently fills 3 of them, which is something I took from a video I watched eons ago. When she pressed on to find what these are after I'd been evasive I made up on the spot that the 3 of them are "good looks, intelligent and interesting" (which are actually good qualities, of course, just that I didn't really ever have them listed out) and that I won't tell her the rest just yet so she won't cheat and try to fake them for me.
At one point I also told her "She reminds me of my ex" which is another "trick" I heard a while back, but when she asked me in what way I didn't have an answer and just told her I'm not ready to share. I think I'd retire using those for now.
She asked me if I was introverted and pointed out that in the common room, I'd ask her something when I felt the conversation dying off. I said that yes, I can get uncomfortable with silence, but she's putting me at ease (and maybe it's also the alcohol) and I don't feel like it anymore. We suggested trying not to speak for a minute and see how it goes and she was the one to break the silence. I'd be content just staring at each others' eyes at that point.
At another point, we talked about tattoos and I mentioned I consider doing a heart-shaped one. She asked if on my heart and I said "Actually, more down below". She laughed and said I'd be able to say I only think with my heart, unlike others who think with their dick. Other than that, the only "flirtatious" efforts I remember were when she said the food was sweet and I said something to the likes of "like you". She smiled and said "Smooth" (is it really? lol) and I replied jokingly "The smoothest", leaning back. I should mention that since understanding where the conversation was going and that it wasn't just platonic (her mistletoe comment), I'd be much more excited and even have an erection throughout the interaction (which should tell you how often these events occur).
BACK AT THE HOSTEL
We spoke for at least 2-3 hours, and at one point the place had to close down so we went back to the hostel. I looked for a private place for us but our floor was taken. We went up another floor and sat in the kitchen for a bit (I even considered taking a ladder up to the roof but wasn't familiar with it lol) but then a few more people came in and engaged in a conversation with us. While they were interesting, I felt I'm losing my grip on the night and at one point felt despair at the situation and not knowing what to do. She was also really friendly with everyone which led me to have second thoughts about her interest in me. "Maybe she really is just an open and friendly person". After about 20-30 minutes with the other guys, I told her I feel like going to bed and if she wants to come with me so I can ask her something. I wanted to take her back to the common room where we met, but there was a girl there. She joked (or maybe not?) that that girl is Asian so I should go talk to her. I didn't even notice her ethnicity but asked "Yeah? You wanna be my wing-woman? Well no I just want to ask you something". We went to our floors' kitchen and sat beside each other.
I told her "You mentioned previously the mistletoe tree, why was that?"
Her: "Oh.. well do you know what it means?"
Me: "Yes.."
Her: "Oh... what are you thinking?"
I just took her hand and put it on my chest, which was beating rather fast
She asked half-jokingly if I have mouthwash for us (earlier I told her that for my first kiss, I made both of us use mouthwash. I hope it was in regards to that and not a comment about my breath)
Me: "Well we both had alcohol which is a good disinfectant".
I held her hand, and we both slowly came together and kissed softly. I was closing my eyes and thinking how wild it was since I really wasn't anticipating that night progressing there. After hearing her comment, I decided I'm going to go for it but was still surprised. We broke it off and then went back.
A FUCK UP
Still, the fact that I put that as a goal meant after achieving it, I was lost. I didn't know how to progress and suddenly I was stressed all over again. I felt like we've reached the apex and now it's over. I was once again full of hesitation and doubt and decided to cut it. Upon reflection, I see there was still a place for escalation within some spots at the hostel (perhaps the showers, or even a love hotel) but at that time I felt like I'd reached my goal and that we'll have breakfast together tomorrow (as we spoke about) and perhaps get a room later in the evening.
I awkwardly wished her good night, and before we separated she asked to kiss my dimple (lol) which I obliged to of course.
It took a while to calm down and fall asleep. I was excited and optimistic for the next day.
In the morning, however, I was disappointed to find out that she had not woken up in time and only after breakfast had already closed. I went to her room to wake her up but heard no answer. At one point I was worried she might have left and I haven't even taken her contact. But at last, I saw her and we spoke for a bit. She asked me what I was doing for today and I told her I wasn't sure of it exactly. I didn't want to go the whole day with her, however, I preferred going to dinner together. At that point, I also noticed some features I didn't really like about her appearance (or was just looking for excuses to not put an effort into pursuing her). I did end up telling her that since the hostels are pretty much fully booked (it was cherry blossom season) we could take a hotel room together, and playfully asked her not to assault my dimple. She said she had already booked a different hostel for the night (which was fully booked by now).
I went to the lobby and had a discussion with another tourist there. She later came down, dressed much fancier with interesting earrings. We hugged and she left to see the cherry blossom. Apparently, the guy had met her that night and said she was very friendly and outgoing (which I'd figured out by now) but also a sort of a "healer" (?) with a "big halo" (???). It got me interested again and I looked for a way to arrange a meeting again before I leave.
I had her IG, and in the afternoon replied to one of her stories asking if it's in Shibuya which was where I was, and later texted her
Later in the night, I asked her if she was still going to see Mount Fuji in a couple of days (which would mean we don't have time to meet), to which she replies affirmatively and asks what are my plans."I'm on the way to [place] and will probably go to a meetup later in the evening. lmk if ur interested".
Her: "Hahah naa i am at [place]."
"Now headed to [place] or another cherry blossom place down south"
"What is [your place]?"
<I send her a picture of where I was with some cherry blossoms and tell her about it a bit>.
Her: "Wooow so pretty"
Me: "I can think of prettier things"
Her: "Cute haha"
A couple of hours later, very drunk after having some drinks with local friends I was kinda chasing her:
She hearted both messages and replied:"Well I have the anime convention and hopefully [her roommate] can come as well (tried to get her a ticket but was too late)"
"Honestly I'd really like to see you face2face again. At least once" <She hearts this message>
"Something [tourist guy] said in regards to you really resonated with me.. he just put into words what I couldn't"
"Btw I'm a bit drunk so please take what I say with a grain of salt"
<The next day she replies>
"Hahah well you're sweet
But I'll take it with a grain of salt haha
if you say so
I'd have liked to see you as well. We'll meet if paths cross again haha)
It was lovely meeting you
Oh andddd haveeee super funnn
At the anime convention"
<Upon reading this (and especially the last 3 messages, I felt as if this is lost and her just being polite. Like, "if paths cross"?. Looking back at it now, it seems like it was still salvageable and I could've replied with something like "Well let's make them cross then!">
Instead, I replied with this:
"Now that I read it (kinda) sober I still stand by it
Enjoy your time in Japan
At that time, I was having dinner at a maid cafe with her roommate I'd ended up meeting at the convention, so just replied with "See the story" which detailed me trying to find a place and eventually going to sleep at an internet cafe to sleep. I had pretty much given up on her then. She texted
I was pleasantly surprised by this revelation and texted:Hahahh
Brilliant
I dont have a place for tonite
Gonna check out a manga cafe
which one did you stay at?
and is there a website /app to book manga cafes? Lollol
I took that as a sign she wants a hotel and replied"Oh no I had a person help me
It's in the story, too"
<and in reply to her message saying she doesn't have a place to stay> "Me neither atm. Yesterday's offer still stands tho"
Her:
If the manga cafe was comfortable, we can go stay at one
Me:
Some are more so than others
I was recommended a specific one in ikebukuro
But I don't know if they have room, too. I had to check several ones.
<I then look online for a hotel room, and send her a picture> There's also this
Her:
Thanksss so muchhh
Let's see what i find
Me:
I'm at the [X hostel] where we met to grab my stuff. There's a cafe 11 minutes away
What's your decision?
Her:
I am going to [place] now. Then later will either find a manga cafe if it's comfortable. Or we can get a private room together. i just think I'll be too tired to go to ikebukuromy luggage's at [my hostel]
<she then replied to the story I'd uploaded of my dinner with her roommate> Yummm
Me: NVM it's booked out
Her: Where are you staying then?
Me: Don't know yet
Hbu?
Maybe here [location]
I'll go to the cafe after a phone call and see if it's available
This one <replying to the hotel I sent her> is "only" $100 so I can manage
Her:
Hahaha
100$ well
Damnnn i am tiredd
The subway is bloody confusing
I wanna sleep well mann
After an hour and arriving at the place I messaged her againSo I'm booking for 2
[location]
20 minutes away from you
Her:For you and me?
Got two beds?
Me: No but I'll ask at the front desk if it's possible to get <Looking back, I should've just replied playfully and discarded that question>
Her:
Okayie that'll be perfect if you can help me check pls
Whenever you are at the hostel i mean
Damnnn today was such a tiring day
Me: You're telling that to a guy who's living on 3 hours of sleep, hangover and more caffeine than sodium in his blood
Her: Damnn
The [place] is that the 100$ place you were talking about?
Me: No I had to book like 7 times because it always gives an error. I switched several hotels.
It's still in the same range
15.5k yen incl taxes
Her: U sure u dont want to sleep at a manga cafe?
Me: Yeah it's fine
Her: Meaning yes or no hahaa
Me: I'm fine with my booking decision
Her: Okiee lemme check out sm Manga cafe. In case you happen to check if they have two beds. lemme knoww pls
Perfectttt
Me: [location]
I ordered breakfast for 9:30
There was no option for twin beds tho
I forgot to mention to her again I'd be leaving the next day, and looking back I could've written something better than imploring her to come over for my sake. Something along the lines of "I'm gonna be gone tomorrow and it's your last chance to see me. I can promise you we'll have a good time and that I won't do anything you wouldn't feel comfortable with"Me:What's up?
Her: <telling me about her day>
So only 1 bed at the place you staying?
Me: Yeah
I don't roll around in sleep
Promise
I take it you'd be tired for a dinner?
Her:
Hahah for the rolling around in sleep
yeahhh so tored just wanna crash
U got a single bed ot what is it?
Lemme first head to [place] and see if they got a place at my hostel by any chance. And check out a closeby manga
I'll mssg u if i find smthing
arent u superrrr tiredddd
Me:
Yeah kinda
But I want to make sure everything's ok
<I send her a photo of the bed>
If it's gonna take a while then yes I'll go to bed. I'll talk to the front desk beforehand
<replying to her saying she wants to sleep well> I considered this your preference
Her:
Okie thankyou
if you've spoken to the front desk
If i come
I'll give them your name
Me: All right. Bye for now
Her:
Ueahhh
Sleep well
Have a good rest
<at that point I knew the chances were slim already, and I've been chasing pretty hard as it is, but decided to still be honest>
Me:
To be frank, I'd prefer it you'd come. It'd be nice to wake up and see your face
Plus the bed's pretty cozy
Her: I appreciateeee it
<As I feared and expected, she didn't end up coming>
Her:
Yoo i found a place next to my hostel
Staying here
Until when are you in tokyo?
Me<after waking up>: 4pm
I spent the whole time till my flight going over it, feeling terribly depressed. I'd open up GirlsChase and read article after article feeling like shit. I still continued texting with her, but it was still me very much chasing, and feeling like I'd lost the best girl in the world. Someone I had a connection with that I'll never ever replicate.
These feelings continued when I went back home. I went to local hostels and tried to talk to people from abroad to quench that thirst, but still felt like I'd lost a huge opportunity and became somewhat obsessed.
Anyhow, it eventually led to my understanding that I need to meet more women lol.
As always, any feedback is very much appreciated.
