The value of a lacking social life

[bombman]

Hey guys, first off I am really happy I have this opportunity to be part of this new community of girlschase as I am a devoted reader of the blog and this is my very first post.

I have had this on my mind for a long time, and its about how I am lacking a social life, specifically, friends, social circles and how I believe this is devaluing in the eyes of the women I meet these days. If you had ask me what I'm doing for Christmas, Halloween, or New Years, I would say I don't know, when in fact, I have got no friends who I want to celebrate holidays with, just 1, but still. I've recently had this girl on a date ask me if I had any friends, I said no, but I immediately said I was kidding. I feel like I want to be honest, but it makes me feel like I'm abnormal, in my mind, like who doesn't have friends and why wouldn't someone, a guy like me, got no friends? You can say I'm kinda insecure about it and I'm just not confident in expressing it to women. I am working on this issue--it isn't easy, and can't be forced unfortunately--but what really happened to me is I've ditched an eventful, but immature social life in the past, friends used to just come to me effortlessly, so I never really learned how to make them. But really, the issue is how this affects my ego, value, and status as a man. Anything is appreciated, thanks everybody.

 

[Franco]

Welcome to the boards, bombman! It's a pleasure to have you.

If you had ask me what I'm doing for Christmas, Halloween, or New Years, I would say I don't know, when in fact, I have got no friends who I want to celebrate holidays with, just 1, but still.

The first question you have to ask yourself is: how does this make you feel?

Do you mind not having friends to hang out with for these events? Are you looking to be able to participate in social activities regularly with people? You actually do not need to have friends in order to have a successful dating life, but you should be actively giving yourself goals and dreams that you are working toward in order to fill your time. This can be anything from learning to write or create music to starting your own, independent company. Having too much free time is actually something that can negatively affect your dating life and stifle self-improvement and growth.

However, if it IS bothering you that you do not have friends, and you would like to learn how make more, Chase has a great post on how to make friends. You may have already seen it if you are an avid reader of the blog, but I will link it below in case you haven't.

How to Make Friends? The Master Key to New Friendships

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[bombman]

Thanks for the response Franco. As simple as it sounds, your response is actually very insightful and reassuring to me. It seems to be enough to put my mind on the right track... maybe it's really okay to not have any friends... I feel okay being alone, but friends are definitely a bonus. Anyway, do you know how I fill my time? I read girlschase articles all day... I'm kidding, but there's just so much great material it gets addicting at times But what has also really hit me by your advice is how I have so many goals and dreams that I don't work on hard enough to fill in my free time because I am so set and busy on trying to get my social arts and dating life handled...

 

[Franco]

But what has also really hit me by your advice is how I have so many goals and dreams that I don't work on hard enough to fill in my free time because I am so set and busy on trying to get my social arts and dating life handled...

This is good, bombman. In order to master a specific skill, you do have to obsess over it and constantly apply yourself in order to really get the results you are looking for.

However, it is important to realize that one of the biggest steps to becoming successful with women is to not be reliant on them for personal happiness.

The problem is that, when you are ONLY focusing on the women you are currently seeing, you tend to get "needy" and do things you shouldn't be doing (i.e. such as texting her during the week to try to build unnecessary rapport -- or even prevent your own boredom). This is bad, and it is a big cause of what drives women away from guys. Women do not want guys who are only thinking about them all the time, contrary to what women in the media and entertainment industry might portray.

For me, I am actively still improving my dating skills, but I also have a full-time job, I am starting my own company of mobile application development, and I am an active Moderator on an excellent board for learning and self-improvement!

So anyway, just make sure that if you aren't hanging out with friends that you also aren't just moping around waiting to text or see the next girl that you are thinking about. Find things that you are passionate about and apply yourself, so that that way, the women are coming to you!

- Franco