FR++ Third date at my house

[Beam]

This could have been an LR if I was more skilled but alas, not yet...

I matched with an attractive vegan girl on Hinge a long time ago and got her on a first date where I didn't escalate as I detailed here

After getting some suggestions about where to go after this first date from you guys I suggested recreating one of the vegan dishes which we had on the date at my house. She responded saying that sounded fun but that we should do dinner and a movie first, because we "need to do more extensive vegan chicken subsitute research before we attempt our own". I said no to the movie but yes to dinner and we met up - it was not close to either of our houses. I left early since I had to get up early the next morning for my motorbike test, but before I left I suggested that we were ready to attempt the dish - she agreed. We briefly kissed at the end.

A few short texts later over the next couple of days and I suggested the following wednesday (just over a week away). This was a long time away and I could have done sooner but there were a lot of other things happening in my life (i got offered a new job)

After a few days of radio silence (I stopped texting her back) she texted me first with a possible recipe and I said it looked good. More radio silence - I don't like texting so decided to set this precedent early.

The date

I'm not going to go into the details of what we talked about, only the missed escalation windows. Since we needed to pick up a few ingredients from the shops I suggested meeting at my usual bar (10 minutes from my place) first, grabbing a drink and then grabbing the ingredients/wine from the supermarket. After doing this (took about an hour and a half) we walked back to mine - we brushed against each other and briefly talked about sex (being able to hear our housemates) but that was it.

Back at mine - we started cooking. About half an hour in after joking around we got handsy and started kissing/kissing each others necks. But the food was still cooking so I had to break it off early so we wouldn't burn anything even though this was an escalation window. We went back to normal after that but definitely felt a bit closer (that was the first proper kiss we'd had in three dates)

After we finished making dinner we sat down and ate it while talking platonically. When we finished I suggested watching netflix and she agreed. **I think this was a mistake and I should have had an excuse for her to come and see my room instead** . We sat down on my bean bags lying next to each other and started watching. After one episode we got a lot closer and I thought it was on until she suddenly said that it was late and she had to go. I said sure, but then leaned in and we started kissing - I was hoping this would turn her on and make her forget about what she just said - and I thought it was working - she started getting really into it but then abruptly broke it off and stood up. When leaving we kissed again and I broke it off this time- she looked a little disappointed and leaned in for another quick kiss, then we said bye and she left.

I think I'm firmly in boyfriend territory. If anyone has any suggestions of where I should go from here or what I should have done differently I'd love to hear them!

 

[Derek da man]

I'm wondering why she had to run off? Did she give any indication she was under time pressure? - Does she live with parents and have a curfew (even if it's just implied it is still a pressure) or does she have a BF or significant other at home?

It does sound like you're in potential BF territory, is this where you want to be or not?

If you are looking to move into the BF territory, or even long term FWB you could always just ask her about it on your next date. You can present it in a really positive way, that you were enjoying her company and making out with her and that you would have liked to spend the night making slow passionate love (or naughty kinky sexy if this is more your personality). From what you've said the worst she will do is take it as a compliment, hopefully she'll explain where she is. Depending how you respond depends on whether this goes BF or FWB, although it could go bust if she wants BF and you only want FWB.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Beam]

I'm wondering why she had to run off? Did she give any indication she was under time pressure? - Does she live with parents and have a curfew (even if it's just implied it is still a pressure) or does she have a BF or significant other at home?

It does sound like you're in potential BF territory, is this where you want to be or not?

If you are looking to move into the BF territory, or even long term FWB you could always just ask her about it on your next date. You can present it in a really positive way, that you were enjoying her company and making out with her and that you would have liked to spend the night making slow passionate love (or naughty kinky sexy if this is more your personality). From what you've said the worst she will do is take it as a compliment, hopefully she'll explain where she is. Depending how you respond depends on whether this goes BF or FWB, although it could go bust if she wants BF and you only want FWB.

Just my thoughts.

Thanks for the response. No, she didn't give any indication. She definitely doesn't live with her parents and she definitely doesn't have a boyfriend.

I mean, I wouldn't have minded tbh, besides being vegan (which there's nothing wrong with but obviously brings up issues if you have her as a girlfriend) this chick is actually really cool (has similar nerdy interests to me, knew what my obscure new workplace (the job i'm starting in a few weeks) did because she is an actress)

Just another update too - she hasn't responded to my last text now (from Thursday, it's Sunday where I live) when before I would always get a response within a few hours.

This is the breakdown (for context, last night she commented on how clean my oven pan was and how hers was dirty, but that it was her housemates fault not hers. I joked that we'd see how this one turned out afterwards and then I'd know if she was lying and that it was actually her fault). She's V, I'm M:

Day after date:

M: 19:07
**Response to an article she linked to me the previous night**
Had a great time last night too But.
*sent a photo of my oven pan* this was a real bitch to clean up

V: 21:50
I did warn you. You can't get a well cooked chip without sacrificing the pan

M: 22:20
My poor sweet beautiful pan *crying emoji*. It made the ultimate sacrifice for our tastebuds
Are you sure it was your housemate who ruined the pan? Cause I have my doubts now

No response for three days. Any ideas how I should re-engage this?

 

[Derek da man]

I can't tell why she's not responding, could be all sorts from her not feeling like engaging or being busy. Maybe she feels some internal conflict at being on hinge or getting into a casual hook up as opposed to a relationship.

You don't want to look needy so I would suggest leaving it a couple of weeks, maybe 3. The reason I say 3 is that a woman's cycle is usually 28 days and often get extremely horny prior to and during ovulation. Being horny affects their emotional state which changes their logical perception of things which may block her conflict regarding hinge etc. So after 3 weeks when the tide is turning, put your bait back out and start fishing again hoping to reel her in this time. I'd suggest a simple text "Hi V, how are you keeping?" to see of she responds.

 

[Beam]

Thanks Derek. I like the "Hi V, how are you keeping" text. Seems less needy than "how was your week" or other variations like that! 3 weeks seems a bit long though? I was thinking of maybe waiting a day or two more.

 

[Derek da man]

Time frames are up to you as you know the dynamic between you, but if she's gone cold on you texting too soon can look needy. It's very much a judgement game.

I gave my logical explanation above, maybe others here have a different opinion - like you I'd be interested to hear.