This girl was chasing me hard, but is losing interest. How to proceed?

[Kuro]

We first met in a social group on college campus. We talked a bit, I mostly asked her questions about herself, and before long we were sharing a chair, cuddling each other. Unfortunately we both had places we had to be, so I didn't get to invite her out anywhere.

For a while, she was chasing me super hard. She sent me so many texts I actually found it kind of annoying and was asking when she'd see me again. So after making plans to see her today, I started giving her shorter responses and the texting conversation ended. The only time I texted her after that was today to let her know I'm on my way.

I did see her again today, however things didn't go nearly as well. She was sitting in such a place that it would have been awkward to sit by her, so I ended up sitting by other friends and talking to them instead. Later on she did move over near me and we sat there talking for a while, with my arm around her.

However, after that she kept alternating between positioning herself near me and positioning herself away from me. Also, I kept talking to this other attractive girl I know. In the end I did end up sitting next to her, but she kept moving my hand every time I tried to touch her. So in the end we ended up going our separate ways.

I guess I'm just a little confused how she went from super interested to completely disinterested. Is this auto-rejection or is it something else? What did I do wrong and how should I proceed?

 

[Rtodd201]

Hi Kuro,

Read your post but I'll admit I had a few questions:

1. When you say you were "cuddling" when you met, what exactly were you doing with her?

IDK if this is actually the case bc your FR was really short but I would guess that when you followed up being affectionate with NOT asking her out you probably spiked her interest level and got her pushing hard to close things out with you. Most of the info on this site probably would have steered you to try to get her back to your place for intimacy IMMEDIATELY or ASAP. Whether you meant to do it or not, you used a high-risk tactic (indirect takeaway) that can work well on some occasions. Most of the time when you do this you run the risk of not getting her out again or to the same "excitement" level she had when you were a stranger meeting for the first time.

Based on what I read, it seems like she auto-rejected after sending you those texts. All but the most socially clueless girls will not be comfortable, on a deep level, with texting you like she did. They're essentially playing the part of the aggressor and because they have no tolerance for rejection (they really are the BIGGEST wussies) she probably felt foolish after getting a lukewarm response. Also remember, girls that age go to their friends for advice all the time. Either her or her friends felt she was coming off desperate and when you didn't change the tone she cooled off.

Remember, women are the biggest rationalizers on the planet. Especially BEFORE you guys are bf/gf, NOTHING is going to be her fault. They will blow up your phone, annoying you, and if they don't get what they want, when they want it, have the ability to convince themselves that they, "didn't like you that much anyway (ego-saving bullshit) and if you were the right guy you would have made it happen (more ego-saving bullshit with a grain of truth in the middle).

From what you wrote it seems like you could tell something was up and you tried to fill that void with being affectionate again but this time her guard was up. So on a fundamental level, she cooled and you chased a little (arm around her, multiple attempts to touch her). I bet she got colder every time you touched her right?

As for what to do, your options are kinda limited. You can't really call or text her because its' going to be perceived as more chasing behavior. My advice would be to be act cool and friendly the next time you see her in person, like nothing happened but make sure you are around other women(the hotter the better) and that they are enjoying your company. Just be chill with it, you're not trying to shove it in her face (this may cause deeper auto-rejection), you just want to remind her why she was attracted to you so strongly in the first place. If/when she approaches you and if she brings up your past interactions be nice about it and just act the same way you would if you weren't able to meet up with one of your friends at the bar(it's ok, no hard feelings, there will be a "next time") and see what she gives you.

Just about every guy on this site has been in this spot so you're not alone. Best of luck salvaging it

Keep at it,

Rocco