This sticking point is driving me nuts. I need you all to help me on this!

[kristian]

I have been approaching a lot lately and trying to get my game to the next level. However, I have also been getting the boyfriend excuse. This is making me think the following: What Im I doing wrong? And why has the results gotten down, even after addressing value/attainability issues?

Usually I talk to girls between 3 to 5 minutes before asking, and mostly I do it sooner than later. I read this article https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-phone-number-girl-every-time-you-ask and it says that its best to ask for number between repartee and rapport. I usually ask somewhere in between rapport (light rapport, when we are talking about her job and where she lives, that is) and just when I am about to leave the conversation.

I see that this might not be the best time to ask for this because lately, girls excuse themselves and want to leave after this. They also often feel a little bad for "letting me down" and it turn a little weird after giving me the light rejection.

I thought it somehow had to do with my value, but girls more often than not accept me well when I approach directly (unlike before when they were more dismissive). They also stop what they are doing, and act a little surprised (if not shocked) when I say I just had to talk to them because they're beautiful, cute or have good sense of style. I am getting a lot better at getting investment and I am also very thoughtful to what they are saying with their body language.

Not so long ago I thought it had something to do with low attainability. As a result, I am handling these issues, taking some of the edges off and listening to what they are saying a lot more, but this hasn't given me any desired results. This is even happening with the girls that send me approach invitations (I get more smiles from girls than ever)

Sometimes my approach goes well, and the girls very willingly give me their number, but for one reason or another they just not seem to respond or change their minds as we are trying to set up the date. This is weird because the girls I get the number from are also making sure its the right number and even want mine as well. Last week I had a girl saying "are you sure you want to meet? Cool, lets try to find a day" to later just flake and don't give me a response.

People say that I look good, and the girlfriends from my female friends ask them who I am, or that they saw me and felt I was a cool guy (these girls recognize me, but I dont know who they are. Some girls even find me on facebook and start conversations with me (again it should be a sign that they like me). And every time I open my mouth with new girls I get good reactions. However when I try to close, they act surprised and come up with the boyfriend excuse or they are eager to give me their numbers, but later change their minds.

So to summarize what Its happening:


[*]I open well and get good reactions. Often girls like me from the get go.
[*]But somehow in the interaction I do something wrong. I often get the boyfriend excuse. (Even when the convo is going well). It gets awkward and we all want to leave.
[*]I tried making myself more attainable, but so far this hasn't given me any results (I haven't done this much, but I think I am aware enough to exude warmth, be more considerate and building rapport lately - to no results so far).
[*]The cutest girls give me the best reactions and they respond to my messages a lot more, but they also "have a boyfriend".
[*]I thought I wasn't valuable enough, but I get proof of the opposite (girls checking me out, smiling, warmer receptions etc).
[*]I have been trying to become more attainable to no avail so far....

So I am doing something wrong. But what? This boyfriend excuse is driving me nuts, especially after 50 -60 approaches with the same damn thing. It wasn't like that before, at least I got a couple of dates a lot easier then. I did get blown out a lot more, though, but the results were better.

I have written about this before and have addressed those issues mentioned. You can read those here: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=12719 and here: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=14144

Just for the record; I have almost no anxiety issues.

And I am willing to record/film my interactions if needed.

Thank you guys for your help. I really need it in times of dry spells.

 

[lao che]

i skimmed through your other linked posts. seems this "BF excuse" comes up a lot. i can't remember ever having had to deal with it. (well, for years, anyway) if it comes up in conversation it might be something you're doing/saying to prompt it. it literally never happens to me. i approach a girl, talk, find out what's up, give her my phone and have her put in her details, then say goodbye if she's not up for accompanying me on a date right then. but don't fool yourself, most of those girls still lead nowhere.
however, it should never come up in conversation because YOU don't really wanna bring up the subject (although i have used "are you single?" but that's different), and if you're doing your job right then she should be thinking "hmm this guy seems cool/sexy and discreet, he doesn't need to know about my BF" or "yeah this giuy seems like he might be up for a good time, i'll not discourage him by giving him the BF excuse i usually give to other guys."
she's telling you the BF excuse because she decides you're not fuckable.
i guess it's either you're coming on too strong or you need to work on your fundamentals. probably the former.
i imagine you're going into an encounter with a girl and think "man this is going well!! i'm gonna pull the trigger!! get her number!! and then she starts backing off a little bit because you're not as cool as you seemed, something like that.
don't go all balls-deep into an interaction with a girl. just chill. be cool and converse with her. lead, don't push.prepare to be rejected, but go into each encounter expecting a positive. have fun

 

[lao che]

also, perhaps not my place to say, but be more precise in your forum posts. look at the title of this post. "i need you all to help me!!" try to be less exclamatory and provide more info in your titles.

anyway, that's my 2c

keep at it

 

[Rusty]

The "boyfriend" excuse is really contextual. Sometimes girls legitimately have boyfriends (gasp).

If your intent is clear from the outset, but the girl is actually a loyal and devoted girlfriend, guess what, 99.9% of the time, no matter how smooth, good looking, or charming you are, she won't decide to go out with you/give her number/etc.

On the flipside, there are many women who are in "relationships" that are open to meeting men, give their number out, etc. Really, there aren't too many women who are truly "single". Most even semi-attractive women have men in their life in some capacity fulfilling various roles, either for sex, companionship, etc. And often she's juggling those men into different roles as she sees fit, or is convenient to her.

Is she being this consciously manipulative? In some cases, yes. Women are masters of relationship management.

I've gotten the boyfriend excuse a number of times, and it's often after I've expressed a clear and direct intention (whether verbally or implicitly through body language and touch). This will happen sometimes. But more often than not, several women that I've met who were into me often conveniently omitted the fact that they were in some type of relationship. Sometimes these were women who were engaged.

 

[lao che]

let's say i've been seeing a girl for regularly for six months, but not serious or "Exclusive". once a week or less and never for a "Date" only sex, maybe some food or go and hang out for a beer.

she could easily claim to have a boyfriend, in her own mind, even. she could legitimately tell her parents "yeah i've been seeing someone it's kinda serious" and it wouldn't really be a lie.

so a guy approaches her and is friendly and compliments her beauty and expresses a romantic interest in her but he isn't sexy or attractive to her, or doesn't fill any particular niche in her life - "oh thanks! but sorry i've got a boyfriend. you're really nice though!"

next guy approaches her is 2.0 metres tall, ripped and good looking and fucking stinks of testosterone* - "sure! i'd love to meet you for an ice cream! here's my number!"

*we can infer that this guy is also smooth and charming. i'm not trying to negate the benefits of "game" with this example. but if the guy has won the genetic lottery, AND is smooth as fuck, you think my girl will hesitate to hook up with him?