Backstory:
I met a girl through the social circle. We spoke on a few occasions in that context before I asked her out for coffee, to which she enthusiastically replied with her number.
The night before the date, we wound up hooking up unexpectedly. It was pretty great, and afterwards, she asked me not to sleep with anyone else since she doesn't like protection and wants to be safe. We still wound up getting coffee the next day, and her tone was very happy, interested, and engaged. She even mentioned things like how she likes flowers but not most gifts, etc.
I'm really into this girl and everything seems to be going great. That was yesterday. This morning, this text chain:
Me: Good Morning NAME!
Me: How was your weekend?
Her: Well sir you were there for the most eventful moments. Otherwise just a ton of family time and some homework and yardwork. Yours?
Me: Long, but worth it.
Her: How'd last night go?
Me: Fine. NAME was kinda sick, he had too much to drink after we left.
Her: Poor guy. Hope he is better today.
Me: I'll ask him when he wakes up.
Her: Glad to be back to the normalcy of work?
Me: Indeed. How about you?
Her: Hmmm.... I'd rather be relaxing, honestly.
Me: Meh. Relaxing is overrated.
Her: Maybe I only want it because I never have it.
Me: For me, relaxing is boring. I derive satisfaction from accomplishing things.
Her: Fair enough. I guess I want relaxation because I'm just constantly doing something, my life is extremely busy. I would love a few moments to play catch up and just let my adhd settle down. I don't often get a feeling of calm.
Me: I wish I were more busy, but I'm getting there. Do you like camping?
Her: I love camping.
Her: I have a summer and a winter tent.
Me: We should try to get a group of people to go camping Memorial Day weekend.
Her: Which weekend is that
Me: Memorial Day is May 30
Her: Ah I'm going somewhere that weekend. I can't remember where, but that's the weekend after I move.... it's either PLACE or PLACE.... though PLACE may be in April.
Me: Ah okay
Her: Haha I told you I'm a busy girl. But I'd love to go camping sometime.
Me: I'd want to plan it out far in advance and try to get a group of people to go. It's more fun that way. Maybe July 4th?
Her: Ah yes that works. My calendar is clear that weekend. Lol
Me: We could see about making it a meetup event. Something to consider at least.
Her: Definitely.
~ 1 hour later ~
Her: So I have to be honest with you.... I'm really not looking for a relationship right now.
Her: This weekend was fun and I think you are great but I just don't have the time or emotional energy right now to give you what you deserve. I've been through a lot lately and I kind of need this time to myself. You mentioned that you usually give more than you receive, and I don't want to perpetuate that pattern. I think you deserve a girl who wants to give just as much. I'm just not in a place where I can do that. Between work, school, family, and my past, I just can't.
Me: NAME. We're not in a relationship. We truthfully barely know each other. I have no "expectations" of you. I like you, a lot even, but all that means is that I want to get to know you better. And I think if you didn't put so much pressure on things, you'd want to get to know me better too. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)
Her: OK cool. I'm OK with getting to know you. Though I probably shouldn't have slept with you this weekend....
Me: We're 25. It happens.
Me: How was lunch?
....
A few notes:
She's moving in a month or two, but just within the same city.
She mentioned in a social setting before that she deliberately hadn't dated seriously since her last boyfriend cheated on her, for that reason (pretty sure that's what she means by "her past")
She works full time and is working on her MBA. She is very busy.
My goal is ideally to date this girl as my girlfriend
How do you think I handled it? She seemed to be panicking due to stress, and I wanted to downplay as much as possible. She seemed incredibly interested up until that point. I will see her tomorrow in a social setting, and I think that will be very important in setting the tone of things moving forward. How should I act towards her? Should I make a point of walking her to her car and kissing her? I really want to steer clear of the friendzone as much as possible, but without making her panic about getting hurt about a guy she doesn't know well enough to trust that much.
Please advise.
I met a girl through the social circle. We spoke on a few occasions in that context before I asked her out for coffee, to which she enthusiastically replied with her number.
The night before the date, we wound up hooking up unexpectedly. It was pretty great, and afterwards, she asked me not to sleep with anyone else since she doesn't like protection and wants to be safe. We still wound up getting coffee the next day, and her tone was very happy, interested, and engaged. She even mentioned things like how she likes flowers but not most gifts, etc.
I'm really into this girl and everything seems to be going great. That was yesterday. This morning, this text chain:
Me: Good Morning NAME!
Me: How was your weekend?
Her: Well sir you were there for the most eventful moments. Otherwise just a ton of family time and some homework and yardwork. Yours?
Me: Long, but worth it.
Her: How'd last night go?
Me: Fine. NAME was kinda sick, he had too much to drink after we left.
Her: Poor guy. Hope he is better today.
Me: I'll ask him when he wakes up.
Her: Glad to be back to the normalcy of work?
Me: Indeed. How about you?
Her: Hmmm.... I'd rather be relaxing, honestly.
Me: Meh. Relaxing is overrated.
Her: Maybe I only want it because I never have it.
Me: For me, relaxing is boring. I derive satisfaction from accomplishing things.
Her: Fair enough. I guess I want relaxation because I'm just constantly doing something, my life is extremely busy. I would love a few moments to play catch up and just let my adhd settle down. I don't often get a feeling of calm.
Me: I wish I were more busy, but I'm getting there. Do you like camping?
Her: I love camping.
Her: I have a summer and a winter tent.
Me: We should try to get a group of people to go camping Memorial Day weekend.
Her: Which weekend is that
Me: Memorial Day is May 30
Her: Ah I'm going somewhere that weekend. I can't remember where, but that's the weekend after I move.... it's either PLACE or PLACE.... though PLACE may be in April.
Me: Ah okay
Her: Haha I told you I'm a busy girl. But I'd love to go camping sometime.
Me: I'd want to plan it out far in advance and try to get a group of people to go. It's more fun that way. Maybe July 4th?
Her: Ah yes that works. My calendar is clear that weekend. Lol
Me: We could see about making it a meetup event. Something to consider at least.
Her: Definitely.
~ 1 hour later ~
Her: So I have to be honest with you.... I'm really not looking for a relationship right now.
Her: This weekend was fun and I think you are great but I just don't have the time or emotional energy right now to give you what you deserve. I've been through a lot lately and I kind of need this time to myself. You mentioned that you usually give more than you receive, and I don't want to perpetuate that pattern. I think you deserve a girl who wants to give just as much. I'm just not in a place where I can do that. Between work, school, family, and my past, I just can't.
Me: NAME. We're not in a relationship. We truthfully barely know each other. I have no "expectations" of you. I like you, a lot even, but all that means is that I want to get to know you better. And I think if you didn't put so much pressure on things, you'd want to get to know me better too. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)
Her: OK cool. I'm OK with getting to know you. Though I probably shouldn't have slept with you this weekend....
Me: We're 25. It happens.
Me: How was lunch?
....
A few notes:
She's moving in a month or two, but just within the same city.
She mentioned in a social setting before that she deliberately hadn't dated seriously since her last boyfriend cheated on her, for that reason (pretty sure that's what she means by "her past")
She works full time and is working on her MBA. She is very busy.
My goal is ideally to date this girl as my girlfriend
How do you think I handled it? She seemed to be panicking due to stress, and I wanted to downplay as much as possible. She seemed incredibly interested up until that point. I will see her tomorrow in a social setting, and I think that will be very important in setting the tone of things moving forward. How should I act towards her? Should I make a point of walking her to her car and kissing her? I really want to steer clear of the friendzone as much as possible, but without making her panic about getting hurt about a guy she doesn't know well enough to trust that much.
Please advise.
