It's a case of; they're great to take my mind off things and I look forward to seeing them, but I don't really love them... now that I'm no longer naive. In a way, I'd like to give them a sense of purpose but ultimately (so far), I don't know if they've anything else to offer me. One thing they do offer, is that I get the approval of other women within her circle, who I can plant seeds with! I also get to learn the various ways that they try to manipulate me, which is interesting!
Generally, I think I like my solitary hobbies a bit too much for relationships. Relationships eventually seem to be a bit too much of eating and watching movies, and I take more of an "investing & achieving" type view on life, as opposed to just "enjoying it". I find pleasing them involves me trying to see the world from they're perspective, and resonating with their energy. I can do this well, but eventually... I just have to be me!
What I have found, is that of my last three girlfriends - two of them didn't understand me as a person - at all! Also with these two, I sensed a small bit of a "trying to change him" vibe - which I think is naive, as well as insulting. What I found interesting with the former of these two, was how easy it was to silence her suspicion that I had been cheating, by buying her an expensive gift. Quite a bit of money (silly of me really), but I think her suspicion was small anyway, so it was just enough to make her forget. The third gf I had, was a decent person, who I did actually miss for a few weeks!
During the actual 'getting dumped' part, I try and look a bit upset, so that they (at the very least) think it's a mutual break-up. I'm usually somewhat indifferent about a break-up, but if it came to it, I would do the right thing and dump the girl - but it hasn't come to that yet! From one girl, I sensed I was gonna get the "you're going to die old and alone" which is something that I guess no one likes the thought of. It didn't quite get there, but it could have. From another girl, when I acted unfazed while being dumped, I got the "do you know something, you're actually really lucky to have me" - and I actually was, but I don't need to be told how to think!!! so my pride and stubbornness prevailed. That girl sort of viewed her body as her best asset, so it was hard not to look down upon her.
Afterwards I hear people say "when someone breaks up with you, you're essentially being told you're not good enough, so I know you're hurting". That's quite interesting to hear! I guess it made me realise that I never thought I was good enough
in the first place! I just think "been there, done that"
The one thing I do feel a bit guilty about, is the feeling that I've wasted her time. Perhaps a lot of girls think that if a guy is acting like he doesn't care, that it's because he's too stupid express how much he appreciates his girl? and that she has to show him how he's lucky to have her? If so, this idea must confuse girls, and let people like me waste their time. And because I play dumb, they probably think "that's just another pig guy who can't talk about feelings and has no direction in life". I know myself, because I hate when other people (the type with no fire in their bellies), waste my time. I'd love to just shout at such people - "can't you see I'm giving you an opportunity, I know you'll only be smoking weed and playing xBox otherwise"! So by wasting their time, it's as if I feel I'm letting my gender down or something! Weird right?
How do you be in a relationship, when (if) you know the end's going to be bitter. Does all the sex I have, have to be from a friends with benefits type thing? Because that'd be easier said than done. For me, sadly, the thrill is in the chase.
Didn't think it'd be that long! Thanks for reading.
Generally, I think I like my solitary hobbies a bit too much for relationships. Relationships eventually seem to be a bit too much of eating and watching movies, and I take more of an "investing & achieving" type view on life, as opposed to just "enjoying it". I find pleasing them involves me trying to see the world from they're perspective, and resonating with their energy. I can do this well, but eventually... I just have to be me!
What I have found, is that of my last three girlfriends - two of them didn't understand me as a person - at all! Also with these two, I sensed a small bit of a "trying to change him" vibe - which I think is naive, as well as insulting. What I found interesting with the former of these two, was how easy it was to silence her suspicion that I had been cheating, by buying her an expensive gift. Quite a bit of money (silly of me really), but I think her suspicion was small anyway, so it was just enough to make her forget. The third gf I had, was a decent person, who I did actually miss for a few weeks!
During the actual 'getting dumped' part, I try and look a bit upset, so that they (at the very least) think it's a mutual break-up. I'm usually somewhat indifferent about a break-up, but if it came to it, I would do the right thing and dump the girl - but it hasn't come to that yet! From one girl, I sensed I was gonna get the "you're going to die old and alone" which is something that I guess no one likes the thought of. It didn't quite get there, but it could have. From another girl, when I acted unfazed while being dumped, I got the "do you know something, you're actually really lucky to have me" - and I actually was, but I don't need to be told how to think!!! so my pride and stubbornness prevailed. That girl sort of viewed her body as her best asset, so it was hard not to look down upon her.
Afterwards I hear people say "when someone breaks up with you, you're essentially being told you're not good enough, so I know you're hurting". That's quite interesting to hear! I guess it made me realise that I never thought I was good enough
in the first place! I just think "been there, done that"
The one thing I do feel a bit guilty about, is the feeling that I've wasted her time. Perhaps a lot of girls think that if a guy is acting like he doesn't care, that it's because he's too stupid express how much he appreciates his girl? and that she has to show him how he's lucky to have her? If so, this idea must confuse girls, and let people like me waste their time. And because I play dumb, they probably think "that's just another pig guy who can't talk about feelings and has no direction in life". I know myself, because I hate when other people (the type with no fire in their bellies), waste my time. I'd love to just shout at such people - "can't you see I'm giving you an opportunity, I know you'll only be smoking weed and playing xBox otherwise"! So by wasting their time, it's as if I feel I'm letting my gender down or something! Weird right?
How do you be in a relationship, when (if) you know the end's going to be bitter. Does all the sex I have, have to be from a friends with benefits type thing? Because that'd be easier said than done. For me, sadly, the thrill is in the chase.
Didn't think it'd be that long! Thanks for reading.
