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- Jul 17, 2013
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I have summarized the salient points below rather than posting as a field report to save everyone's time, as the story would be too long.
My aim in posting this is to get guidance on how I should proceed. Specifically, have I asked for too much investment, or should I keep my cool?
I am going to follow NarrowJ’s convention and give nicknames to the main characters:
Key events:
Did I ask for too much investment? ...by making her write the email first, and essentially committing to moving things forward of her own accord
Or did I give away too much power to her? ...by making my interest excessively obvious in spite of the relaxed, dominant frame?
What would be my best next step?
My aim in posting this is to get guidance on how I should proceed. Specifically, have I asked for too much investment, or should I keep my cool?
I am going to follow NarrowJ’s convention and give nicknames to the main characters:
-
- TightJeansGirl, the girl I am pursuing, so called because she has an amazing round ass and when it’s in tight jeans it looks mindblowing. She is blond, average US female height, and works part-time, three half-days a week, in our office.
- FanClubGirl, the boss of TightJeansGirl, so called because she collects male orbiters in the office who literally stand around her desk shooting the breeze with her, à la high school; she encourages this behavior by baking cookies etc. for them to sample and compliment her on; she has tried and failed to friendzone me and she knows it. She has fearsome social aptitude, and it is important to be aware of this and keep her on your side and respectful, as will become apparent. FanClubGirl reports to a female director who is my organizational equal.
- HornyWife, a married woman from a different organization whom I meet in the course of one evening
- CluelessHusband, the husband of HornyWife who clearly either has no idea what’s going on, doesn’t care, or (most likely) doesn’t believe he can do anything about it
Key events:
-
- I maintained a dominant frame and kept my initial interactions with TightJeansGirl very short, allowing the buildup to play out over a week or two.
- The first time I spoke to her (a Wednesday), I had already noticed her looking at me with interest. I just asked her name, took her hand, looked into her eyes, then said I was busy and we would chat another time. Immediately following, I led a meeting at which she and FanClubGirl were present, as well as others of my own seniority; I gave a clear impression of being relaxed and in charge.
- One week later (Wed again) I told her she looked very pretty, then cut the conversation short again; later that day I briefly built rapport, then asked her relationship status, then made a playful comment about it ("your future husband, if he doesn't get away first"). At the end of that day I was getting huge eye contact and flirtatious interest.
- The following day (Thu), a major entertainment event organized by our company takes place. During a pre-event reception, TightJeansGirl witnesses, from a distance, HornyWife coming to talk with me, sending CluelessHusband away on little errands, multiple times, to get rid of him while she is talking with me. HornyWife is being openly flirtatious and allows me to touch her face more than once, for example, when commenting on her earrings. This is useful for preselection. In front of TightJeansGirl I ask for a ticket for the main event and FanClubGirl hurries to offer me one... dominant frame.
- En route between different venues I touch TightJeansGirl lightly on the lower back, make brief conversation, as we part she gives me a smile, sidelong eye contact and a little wave.
- In the final part of the evening (essentially a formal afterparty) I isolate TightJeansGirl, deep-dive her, move her twice in close succession, obtain compliance by getting her to hand me her phone for safekeeping, initiate substantial kino, and go much more direct than before: "Now, I know you look very sexy in that little black dress, BUT..." pause as she hangs on my words, "those ass-hugging green jeans you had on yesterday were even more exciting for me." ...which she laps up. I also verbally allude to the earlier preselection by HornyWife just on the off-chance she hasn’t gotten the message.
- Shortly after, I am cockblocked by FanClubGirl who essentially drags TightJeansGirl away.
- Less than an hour later, I recover and tell TightJeansGirl to leave the afterparty with me and not to wait for FanClubGirl as promised (essentially, retaliation). It is now approximately midnight. She complies without hesitation and follows me willingly. We head to the office to get her purse. Unfortunately we are followed a few minutes later by FanClubGirl who has arrived for the same purpose; not wishing to cause unsubstantiated comment, I leave.
- The following morning (Fri) I touch TightJeansGirl on the shoulder when nobody else is around, and ask her to come to my office when she has a second. She appears a few minutes later and I motion her to close the door. Leaning back in my chair, to all the world as relaxed as can be, I deliver the following speech:
"That was entirely my fault. You warned me that FanClubGirl was coming to the office to get her purse; I should have taken action to get you out of there before she arrived. It was not my intention for FanClubGirl to find you and me alone together in the office. I recognize that you have to preserve your reputation. I'm not trying to wriggle out of it; I don't want you to think I'm a man who fails to take action; I should have got us out straight away and I accept responsibility for not doing that."
To which she replies:
"It's all right; I don't think that FanClubGirl suspected anything." (Essentially, I have forced her to admit that there is actually something going on, under the surface, in the first place.)
I then ask what she does with herself when she finishes each half-day; she says that she goes home and feeds her dog, not much else. I ask her to have coffee and a bite to eat with me and she agrees. I tell her to email me her schedule.
-
- Constant, repeated flirtatious eye contact in the office and at the event
- Compliance with all my moving and investment demands, especially leaving the afterparty with me
- Remarking to me (during our night sojourn to the office) on my absence at a company-wide meeting. This involved almost 100 people and yet she "looked around and just happened to notice" I wasn't there (I was cold-approaching downtown!).
- Browsing my LinkedIn profile (and leaving an electronic trace) the day I first went direct and asked her relationship status
-Broad, happy smiles throughout that little tete-a-tete in my office Fri morning.
Did I ask for too much investment? ...by making her write the email first, and essentially committing to moving things forward of her own accord
Or did I give away too much power to her? ...by making my interest excessively obvious in spite of the relaxed, dominant frame?
What would be my best next step?
-
(a) Email her something like "Today, Friday, or Monday? Or did you change your mind already? ;-)"
(b) Try to corner her alone somewhere and thrash it out face-to-face, perhaps including another little speech about how some men who know what they want and are used to getting it will move things forward assertively if she gives out flirtatious signals, and if she doesn't want that she shouldn't do it as she embarks upon her new career; then giving her a last chance to give me a proper answer
(c) Cool it and wait to see what happens, rebuilding my power in the interaction and continuing to flirt in the office (my concern is that attraction will falter if I leave it too long)
(d) Somehow get her to verbally admit to liking me or finding me attractive, perhaps via a yes ladder?
