Online & Apps Tinder Conversation!

[TheKid]

Hey guys, I've recently started using Tinder (with no successful dates) and would like you all to take a look at one of my most recent conversations to help show me what I'm doing wrong, what I'm doing right, and what I need to improve on. Here's the convo...

Me: Using cute little kids for tinder matches, my one weakness. I'm onto you Megan

Her: Hahaha hoping that's a good thing

Me: Lol what do you mean

Her: Nevermind

Me: That probably sounded kinda pedophilic lmao

Her: Hahaha no ur ok. I understand. Ur a kid person.

Me: Haha I guess. So what do u like to do, read, Netflix, seduce innocent guys on Tinder?

Her: Hahaha well I'm in college so I like to do school work, otherwise I would fail. I'm a nanny so I love being with my kids. Just stuff like that
Her: I guess u could say I'm into seducing innocent guys lmao

Me: Really? Cool. Is working with kids something you wanna do for a long time? Guess I'd better watch out for you

Her: I'd love to be a nanny forever but it's not something I'd be able to do. I'm studying criminal justice right now so I hope to do something in that area as a career!
Her: Definitely love kids tho. I've been with this family for 5 years so it'll be hard to leave

Me: Yeah just gotta cherish the time with them while you have it

Her: Very true

Me: I've gotta head to bed, work tomorrow. You seem cool, Megan. Let's hangout sometime

Her: Okay. Have a good one.

Me: Give me your number and we can set it up


That's it, I'd really appreciate some help here. I'm 19 and the girl here was also 19.
I started using Tinder a little bit in January but have now started using it more often seeing as I'm in a new city; and It's been classic trial and error since I've started and out of all the matches I've gotten (18 so far), none have turned into anything.

 

[Hue]

TheKid,

Nice bro. Good use of chase frames and making it clear you're not some creep.
In my experience with Tinder, there're many girls on there that are looking for a particular type of guy, don't know how to use Tinder, or are using it for attention. Getting your foot in the door (getting matches) is 95% fundamentals, I don't think most people bother reading bios until matches.
Of the two girls I've fucked through the app, my move was to make a quick read on how to approach the situation by her profile, screen her while being flirty, adapt to her reactions, and number close on a good note. (And never be corny).

Did you end up getting her number?

I've tried to make that leap in a less than smooth way before and ended up not. From reading on here, I think it was BBoy that used something along the lines of "Oooh it must be a secret (;" after not getting a response. Some girls simply forget to respond because it's not normal texting.

Hueman

 

[TheKid]

TheKid,

Nice bro. Good use of chase frames and making it clear you're not some creep.
In my experience with Tinder, there're many girls on there that are looking for a particular type of guy, don't know how to use Tinder, or are using it for attention. Getting your foot in the door (getting matches) is 95% fundamentals, I don't think most people bother reading bios until matches.
Of the two girls I've fucked through the app, my move was to make a quick read on how to approach the situation by her profile, screen her while being flirty, adapt to her reactions, and number close on a good note. (And never be corny).

Did you end up getting her number?

I've tried to make that leap in a less than smooth way before and ended up not. From reading on here, I think it was BBoy that used something along the lines of "Oooh it must be a secret (;" after not getting a response. Some girls simply forget to respond because it's not normal texting.

Hueman

First off, thanks for the feedback. I used that "ooh it must be a secret " line. Thanks for that! She replied and said "Haha it is". After that I let the conversation die out. Getting her out in person would've taken a lot of chasing on my part which isn't how I want to start a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with a girl. I don't like hanging out with girls whom I've met online unless the right precedent is established and I felt like, given our conversation, I was heading either to the friend zone or the boyfriend category. I'm working to get rid of the nice guy persona that I've had my entire life in order to be seen purely as a lover.

 

[Skippy]

My theory is that if a girl is responding to your tinder messages, she's most likely interested in meeting you, provided you play your cards right.

sometimes girls just don't like giving out their number on tinder. I had it happen once where I gave her my number and told her to shoot me a text to figure out details. she said she didn't like giving out her number so we just set up the details on tinder. This had no detrimental effect on our actual interaction(I won't call it a date because I was not at all attracted to her in real life, but she kept chasing me the rest of the semester).

In that case, it's fine if you just say something like "no worries! let me know your schedule this week and we'll plan something"

Here, it's not clear that she agreed to hangout in the first place.
I think for some girls, asking them to hangout in the same timeframe as your opener can scare them off or maybe they need more investment. Generally, I have better luck with conversations that required more investment on her part( ie they ran a bit longer time-wise). Also, notice that she didn't ask you any questions to get to know you. This doesn't mean that she needs to explicitly ask questions, but its usually too early if she's the only one sharing about herself. What I recommend is sharing a little bit to bait her into asking a question or two. Of course, don't spill your whole life story, but she needs to know a little bit about you so that you become a real person in her mind. I'm still experimenting with trying to be "mysterious" on tinder, but so far my efforts have been uncalibrated and fallen flat. I've done perfectly fine without it though, so I think other aspects are more important and you should focus on those.

Another reason I only recently realized for why girls go silent is that they're actually just very busy in the upcoming week and rather than explaining the situation its easier to just not reply and put it off. The reality of course, is that they get distracted by the next 10 guys they've matched with and so you never hear from them again. The solution for this is to just ping them up a couple days later and make a joke about it.

For example:

...(earlier convo about an asian-american tv show and how when she was little she didn't like it when her mom packed her chinese food because she didn't want to get teased in school)
Me: Lets grab a bite to eat sometime

2 days later

Me: Don't worry, I'm not going to tease you about your food! [tears in my eyes laughing emojis]
Her: Yeah that sounds great! sorry, I was just so busy with problem sets lately that I've been caught in the library

Important: don't be worried of re-engaging once if the girl doesn't respond. Because what is the alternative? You'll never hear from her again. And yea technically you're chasing by re-engaging, but from a relationship standpoint, that's irrelevant after your first date. She's not going to remember or care that on the 11th message, you replied again asking her what her favorite XYZ is. Sometimes girls just get lazy and don't respond.

Storytime:
I matched with a girl and chatted with her a bit. I dropped a chase frame, but she didn't bite. no response. So I waited a few days and messaged her something else and we got talking again. Ended up adding her on wechat. We talked a little on wechat, and I suggested we hangout but she didn't respond. Then a month later, I'm looking through my wechat contacts to see if I can invite someone new to tag along with my group of friends. I see her name and think "eh why not". She says she can't but she'd be down to meet up next week. Next week rolls around and I realize...dude just make this into your usual tinder date. One thing led to another, and now we've been dating for the past 6-7 months. I lost my virginity to her, and it's a great (open) relationship with very little drama. She's smitten though and follows my lead. I would've missed out on all of this if I had decided to drop the conversation as soon as she stopped replying. I know her personality a lot better now, and she tells me that she's the kind of person who doesn't always reply to messages and it doesnt mean that she doesnt care. It's just how she is.

So don't just drop conversations on tinder as soon as the girl stops replying. If it's a text conversation with a girl you know in real life, then yeah definitely be more strict about that rule. but on tinder dropping conversations doesn't work so well because all it does is lose you a girl who was responding to your messages(which is worth more than just a girl that you matched with!)

To recap: I'd say your conversation with the girl was quite good, you could've just talked a bit longer and shared a little about yourself before asking to hangout. Honestly even if you re-engage now, you could probably get a reply assuming she's not busy getting boned by some dude and assuming she's still active on tinder

Finally, I want to throw in another example because it seems to fly in the face of everything I've been saying so far:

Me: Amy! I like your aesthetic

2 days later
Her: thx lol

Me: So how's your weekend been?

2 days later
Her: [gif of a dude holding drinks]
Me: Lets hangout sometime!

1-2 days later
Her: Ya sure
Me: cool, here's my number, shoot me a text and we'll plan out details

A few hours later she texts me:
Her: Hey baby
Her: Jk it's Amy

We met up, made out in my apartment, and went on two other dates before things fizzled out, but that was probably because of a double failed escalation.

So here, theres literally no conversation. Well because she was taking so long to respond, I figured any chance of an actual conversation was basically 0. But she's still responding so she must be interested. I'll just throw a hail marry and ask her to hangout. My guess is that the actual time between my opener and me asking her to hangout was very long(a few days) so she was likely to say yes because of that. of course her one word answers were odd too, but she's a quirky girl